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If you’re new around here, confessions is a time for us to all unburden ourselves of the silliness we’re feeling at the moment. I share dumb things, then you share dumb things, and we all have a better day because of it.
Let’s get started!
Confession 1
If I ever fall into a coma, could one of you please contact the hospital and make sure someone there plucks my eyebrows? If the medical crisis lasts longer than 3 weeks, I’ll have a wicked unibrow.
I do not want to wake up and go on the news with the headline “Cavewoman wakes up after long sleep”.
Confession 2
Troy and I take the boys for hikes in this really cool nature preserve near our house. We always comment “if this were The Quiet Place, we’d be the first to die”. Are we seriously to believe those kids were able to be THAT quiet for that long? I mean, c’mon.
Confession 3
Troy wears monthly contacts that can be worn day and night, so he only needs to change them every 30 days. When he changes them it is a whole production. It takes him forever to remove them and put new ones in.
Each time I walk into the bathroom after this event has occurred, the counter/sink are soaked. Water everywhere. I always ask him “how could you take out your contacts while a baby seal was having a seizure in the sink right next to you”. So.Much.Water.
Confession 4
Recently I went to cut Bennett’s toenails, which he HATES. My new favorite excuse as to why I shouldn’t cut them was “I’m trying to learn to be a sloth”. Well played.
Confession 5
I’ll watch interviews with families who lost a loved one (like on Dateline) and they always describe the deceased as a saint who could light up a whole room when they entered. They never met a stranger, and everyone loved them.
Just once, I want to see them be brutally honest. “You know what, she was mostly okayish, but sometimes she could be a total bitch”.
Confession 6
When I was little, I thought that if you got a busy signal (Gen Zers, ask your parents what that is), if you just stayed on the line they would eventually pick up the phone.
Confession 7
Have the good people who work at Kettle Chips ever tried to open a bag of their own chips? Do they have meetings where they get together and decide how to make this bag more inconvenient?
Confession 8
Cars that practically stop to go over speed bumps make me want to kick all the things. They are meant to slow you down. You are not supposed to drop your speed to 1.78 mph.
Ok, friends, your turn! What do you need to confess?
Want more confessions? Read more here, here, here, here, and here. Or read the whole darn archive here.
True confession: I am that person that legit STOPS at speed bumps. And I own an SUV. Aaak????.
I sometimes don’t wash my hair for almost a week and ironically that’s when everyone tells me my hair looks great.
The water thing with men baffle me too! With us it’s always water on the kitchen floor whenever my husband is home. I am guessing from ice cubes he drops that he doesn’t want to pick up.
That’s it for now.
My friend, with love, you’re going to need to kindly please speed up. 🙂
I wish I could go more than a day without washing my hair! My friends with thick hair can go a week just like you.
You crack me up! I will think of you the next time I see a speed bump????
My hubby picked up a new hobby…..rock collecting. Rocks everywhere…. hundreds. Towels on the floors with hundreds of rocks on them. It’s kinda funny and kinda annoying.
I hate putting laundry away. Hate it. It takes hardly any time but here we are – 5 loads strewn about my bedroom and me pretending it’s not there.
I turned 50 recently and felt like life slapped me up the head. This is it – I’m adulting yet still not adulting! If I haven’t learned yet I better suck it up and start adulting!! No one else is going to come along and mold me or shape me so I’m gingerly making small goals to improve myself and life. Nothing too big because I want it to stick for the rest of my time here.
Oh my. What does he plan to do with all those rocks??
Happy slightly belated birthday! I wish you lots of success in your goals.
I made my sister promise to pluck my chin and lip hair, if I ever end up in a coma. And, way back when Survivor let contestants bring one luxury item, I used to say mine would be my tweezers. The struggle is real.
My husband cannot wash his hands without getting the counter wet, and I mean the water is everywhere. I think it must be a Y-chromosome thing.
She better follow through!! With Survivor, my luxury item would have been chapstick.
I guess the good news is that he at least washes his hands…?
Confession: I committed to eating fudge only while it’s warm to reduce my consumption… and then broke that promise to myself within hours ????
2021 is going to need to serve up some even stretchier pants
Cool fudge is delicious too. I think you’re finally just realizing it!
When I was a little kid, I thought that when you got change from a purchase when you paid in cash, that was the store paying you for shopping there.
I LOVE this!
OMG! Number 3!?! I am SO with you!
My wonderful husband has 5 contact cases on the little 3″ space between our sinks and 2 MORE over on his side!! and the Splash. Is. EVERYWHERE! I’ve tried watching him when he does it to understand, but I still don’t see how every surface of the bathroom ends up wet – even the mirror?
I’ll have to remember the baby seal reference – at least I have a reason to laugh about it with that one!!!
7 contact cases for 2 eyes. The math does NOT add up. HA!!
I’ll get your coma unibrow if you’d be so kind as to do the same for me with the random chin hairs that show up. Seriously, I look every single day and there’s nothing… and then BOOM a 1 inch hair.
I’ve got your back girl.
AAAAACCCCKKKK! Number 5 gets me in ALL the feels!!! I was just thinking about this the other day. Literally every single person apparently is saintly and a room lighter. Umm, not! **I realize this may come back to bite me in the butt since my children are brutally honest**
Ha, I bet they will say lovely and hilarious things about you!
Ooh, #5 is one I share with you. My brother died unexpectedly right before Christmas when he was 30 (this was 20 years ago) and I have tried really hard not to canonize him, so to speak. I want my kids to know that he was a real person, that I loved him but he could be a jerkwad at times, and our relationship only got really good when he went off to college and we started to relate outside of sibling rivalry. Even though we named one of our kids in honor of him, I never want my kids to think he’s some sainted person they have to live up to!
It is completely normal, psychologically, to want to remember only good things our loved ones did. The saying “speak no ill of the dead” comes from somewhere. But I think it does the living a disservice.
“I think it does the living a disservice”. SO well said!
I think we can put people on a pedestal…but we need to make sure we bring them back down occasionally so that others seen the humanity.
I’m with you on the cars that slow WAAY down for speed bumps. Especially if it’s an SUV or Truck. Aren’t they designed to be able to go off road? Why do they stop before going over speed bumps?
Yes, especially the Land Rovers that people spend so much money on. I’ve seen those things go through giant puddles to outrun lions on nature shows. They can handle a suburban speed bump.
Hahaha! I drive a lifted Jeep that we take off road (I am the passenger for those trips, even though Hubby keeps encouraging me to drive), and I barely slow down for speed bumps. Mind you, the ones I encounter are usually in parking lots, where I am already moving pretty slowly….
I always want to just put it in 4wheel drive and drive right over the people who stop at them!
I came down here to offer one (and only one) defense to this practice. I drive an SUV and up until a few months ago, totally would fly over speed bumps (at 25 mph of course..ha) BUT, after my husband broke his back this summer, going over a speed bump at even 15 mph resulted in him being painfully jostled, so if he’s in the car with me you bet I take those babies at a roaring 8 mph. To be fair, if I noticed a car behind me, I’d pull over so they could pass. But it has made me slightly less rage-y when others take speed bumps slowly.
When Troy hurt his back and I had mastitis, I definitely slowed down to go over speed bumps. But I drive daily on a road with five speed bumps and EVERY DAY people practically stop to go over them. I cannot imagine they all have medical reasons for doing so. LOL.