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If you’re new around here, confessions is a time for us to all unburden ourselves of the silliness we’re feeling at the moment. I share dumb things, then you share dumb things, and we all have a better day because of it.

Let’s get started!

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Confessions 1

Jack’s normal soccer practice for his fall season is at a middle school. In front of the school there are large lines in the lot for bus parking. We practice at 6 pm and yet people insist on parking in those spots like they are are busses!

There are very few parking spots at the school so for a Ford Focus to take up a 20-foot space is BANANAS. Use common sense people; you’re not the size of a bus.

Confessions 2

I wear my 10-year-old’s socks when I work out. They’re the Puma socks from Costco and the men’s socks fit SO much better than the women’s and they’re cheaper. My friend Jennie calls this “the pink tax”.

Confessions 3

When Troy and I were dating, we went camping with a bunch of friends. We were unloading the car and I saw this weird bulky cloth bundle. I asked him what it was and he told me it was a “pillart”.

What exactly is a pillart you might be asking yourself? Well, friends, it is a t-shirt stuffed with your other clothes you’ll need for camping. And at night, you use it as pillow. It can also be referred to as a “shillow”. And, I still married him.

Confessions 4

There is this family we have seen around at various sports activities since Jack and this other kiddo were pretty young. We randomly ran into them at Target a few weeks ago and the first thing the mom blurted out was “Jacob made the travel team” and gave me a smug smile.

First off, hi. How are you? Second, Jack no longer cares about that sport and doesn’t even play it, so I don’t know why you think we’re competing through our kids. Third, chill the hell out. Fourth, congrats to Jacob but stop living your dreams through him.

Confessions 5

I have an obsession with our leaf blower. Yes, I’m sure I could sweep and rake everything. I actually like doing those things and think it is good exercise. BUT, the leaf blower is SO satisfying, quicker, and does an amazing job cleaning our driveway off from the debris from our neighbor’s stupid cedar tree.

We use this rechargeable battery-operated leaf blower and it is quieter than normal leaf blowers, so that is something. But I feel like a powerful badass as I as destroy all leaves in my path. Bow to me maple leaves, I am your mistress!

Confessions 6

Bennett’s preschool has show and tell every Friday and each week there is a theme. I noticed that there is a Friday in December that the kids are supposed to bring a family photo timeline.

One, I have yet to see any information on what is expected for this. Two, I pay you good money so I don’t have to do crafts with my child. 

Confessions 7

I was in the middle pump at the Costco gas station and this woman in front of me was waiting in her car with gas pump in her tank. She had a handicapped license plate. A solid 5 minutes after her pump clicked off she was still in her car.

Because of the way she parked, no one else could exit the lane. My car was already full of gas and the car behind me and I were both waiting to get out of the line.

I assumed she may need a hand so I went up and gently knocked on her window. When she opened her door I asked her if she would like me to take the pump out and close up her gas tank for her.

She gave me the dirtiest look and said she would do it herself. She then spent another two minutes in her car doing God knows what.

Confessions 8

I was working on my computer at Panera recently and this group of three women came in and promptly set up their computer and then proceeded to start a 45-minute video conference call.

ARE.YOU.FREAKING.KIDDING.ME? I spent those 45-minutes murdering them with my eyes.

Confessions 9

None of the examples of “irony” in Alanis Morrissette’s song “Ironic” are actually ironic. They’re all just unfortunate events.


Ok, friends, your turn! What do you need to confess?



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31 comments on “Confessions”

  1. Ohhh man! Number 7 and 8! Both of these types of behavior make me murderous.

    A total disregard for others and a lack of common courtesy, whether it be sitting in your car doing who knows what while someone is clearly waiting for your spot, to leaving your cart in the middle of the aisle of a crowded grocery store, make me see red every time! I just can’t fathom that kind of self-centered behavior. I know some will comment that I can never really know what such an individual has going on but at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter. You don’t get to inconvenience everyone else around you except maybe for a medical emergency.

    And what is the justification for someone using the speaker option on any of their electronic devices? Again, this is the height of inconsideration. Why do people assume that anyone else wants to listen in on their conversation or that it is at all acceptable to listen to a music, watch YouTube, hosting a video teleconference or doing any other thing on their phone at full volume would be acceptable? It’s particularly grating in confined spaces like restaurants or public transportation.

    • I have been known to push people’s grocery stores gently out of the way and in a ditzy voice say “oh wow, what rude person blocked the aisle with their cart” as I pass through.

      Yeah, the speaker function on electronics is the weirdest and worst behavior!

  2. Confession:  the guy at the cafe MAY have been taking too long to get my sandwich out of the cabinet and put it in a paper bag, and in response I MAY have passive aggressively crept closer and closer to where he was behind the counter until we were barely two feet apart and just made eye contact until he got the hint.  In my defence, I’d been waiting almost 25 minutes and he was doing nothing useful that I could see.

  3. 1. Aligns with your #4: Gladys Kravitz (aka my neighbor) caught me as I was sneakily trying to empty my own mailbox and stated “my girls are both in Girl Scouts and doing wonderfully with that.” I replied, thats nice — and then she asked if I was going to put my already playing basketball and the older in Boys Scouts into Girl Scouts??? Gladys (from the show Bewitched for any of you who are a lot younger and may not know who she is) makes me want to drink drain cleaner! : (
    The gas pump and the parking at school thing is weird!!!

    • My husband and I packed our car and dogs and went camping. We drove out to the mountains and set up camp at a beautiful site. We cooked dinner, watched the fire burn out, gazed at the stars, and went to bed at 11 pm. Then I said ugh I can’t sleep and he said we can go home right now. We had the tent down and everything packed up with the dogs in the car by 11:15 and were home by 12:30. We camped for 7 hours total.

      Re: Confession 2
      I call it the “penis discount” and will shamelessly ask for the “penis discount” when I want to buy an item of clothing that costs more than the same item for men.

      • Back in the day when I was 5’9″+ and weighed 117 pounds no matter what I ate, I couldn’t chance losing even part of an inch when cleaning my jeans, so I had them dry cleaned. Since they weren’t office attire, I took them to the $1 cleaners, which was fine for jeans. One day I was told it would be extra to clean them. When I asked why, I was told it was because I was so tall (this from a very petite person). I asked if they charged men my height more. Nope. So I said that, in that case, they would charge me $1. Idiots.

      • There is actually a commerical about a couple doing that while they’re camping! Or maybe it is playing city noise on an ipad. I can’t really remember. But hey, you tried!

        I LOVE the term penis discount. It’s so true!

    • Ugh, you just know she was waiting for you so that she could brag. It’s soooo grating!

  4. Here’s a good one. My husband is turning into a mean a-hole and I might be starting to hate him a little. So there’s that. 

    I hate when people assume we can afford to do “all the things” and go “all the places”

    I may have had too much wine last night and I’m very grumpy. 

    I hate when my newly single friend try’s to get me to “go out” when at my age “going out” should mean dinner and drinks and home before the college kids head out for their night of partying. 

  5. I kept telling my family i was shopping local this holiday season went to one local store had a shit proprietor and went home to order everything else on line.

  6. I love the leaf blower! My husband was angry that he had to blow leaves from a beautiful maple tree that I refused to let him cut down.
    I said, “I’ll do it!” I spent the next hour jumping around playing ghost busters and had a blast.
    I also buy men’s socks. They fit much better. Cuz you know we both wear the same size 10s on our big ol’ feet.

    • Haha, I can totally picture you fighting Slimer with your leaf blower!

      Did you see the Costco men’s wool socks are still made in the US, but the women’s wool socks are made in China? They stopped making the women’s wool socks in America like 3 years ago which is when I stopped buying them. I noticed they wore out in a year instead of lasting forever. And then boom, I noticed the country of origin changed.

  7. I spent a fair amount of our time during a family trip to visit family, trying to track down these throws at Aldi for a teacher’s gift. I bought myself one. That’s what I really wanted them for, but I for sure bought 2 for the elementary teachers.

    I am sick over sick over sick of traveling for holidays and next year I am not going anywhere, and no one is invited here. And if they ask to come, I will gladly tell them no. Sorry, not sorry. I love my family, truly I do. But when you don’t live by any of them, it’s pretty demanding trying to juggle all the holidays with the them. when each side lives 13 hours away from you in opposite directions.

    • Haha, that’s efficient and if you buy something for yourself you know it’s quality for gifting to others.

      The constantly being on the road during holidays is so stressful, expensive, and never fun for the traveler!

  8. I’ve been dealing with a sick baby and let’s just say my patience is wearing thin. I have to remind myself she doesn’t feel good so all the tantrums and the needyness that she has never had is because she feels yucky. Please tell me I’m not the only mom who has to do that. 

    Also I was kinda selfish and notified my followers that I wasn’t posting the week of Thanksgiving so my next post wouldn’t be till December. This gives me time to write up material and spend time with family. 

    • I’m so sorry. Sick babies are the worst. It just sucks. I hope she feels better soon.

      • Thank you. She is starting to feel better on her current antibiotic (3rd attempt) and is still really clingy but that’s just how she is when she doesn’t feel good or knows I don’t feel good. 
        We just got home from our family dinner and now I have some fun tidbits to add to my post for the first Wednesday of December. 

    • I hate sick babies. They’re the worst! Hope she is on mend soon, because otherwise, it is so tempting to give them away.

  9. 1. My husband says eye-dear (idea) so that’s attractive.
    2. I never understood the appeal of travel ball. You spend a ton of money and time away from home. The parents say they have fun hanging out, and I’m sure it would be, but for one weekend a month. Not every freaking weekend.
    3. I don’t understand the people who pull up to the pump on the wrong side. You spend the whole time pulling the hose to you to fill up.

    • I don’t know the difference between “travel ball” and “club ball” but we did “club volley ball” at the high school level. I have to say that it was a lot of money, and a lot of travel, and I didn’t like about 90% of the parents who were only concerned about their own athlete, and who lacked any kind of team spirit or the ability to give generous encouragement. At the end of the club ball season, I actually said to my husband [who says, “MUTE point” instead of MOOT point (sigh)], “We could have purchased all new living room furniture for what that cost us.”

    • Haha, a friend of mine says “Warsh-ing-ton” and I just don’t get it.

      I wonder if the intensity of travel ball is regional? I have a friend in Michigan and it is HUGE there and kids are doing it from like infancy. She thinks it is insane. Most of the teams in my area are for like 12 weeks and while still intense, not seen a training ground for the next Olympian.

  10. Long time reader of Confessions, first time confessor…

    I hate peanut butter (not allergic, just hate it), pumpkin pie (it’s the texture), and bubbles (aka carbonation – they hurt my tongue). Of course, there’s more, but I’ll save those for another time.