Confessions

If you’re new around here, confessions is a time for us to all unburden ourselves of the silliness we’re feeling at the moment. I share dumb things, then you share dumb things, and we all have a better day because of it.

Let’s get started!

Confessions 1

Jack’s normal soccer practice for his fall season is at a middle school. In front of the school there are large lines in the lot for bus parking. We practice at 6 pm and yet people insist on parking in those spots like they are are busses!

There are very few parking spots at the school so for a Ford Focus to take up a 20-foot space is BANANAS. Use common sense people; you’re not the size of a bus.

Confessions 2

I wear my 10-year-old’s socks when I work out. They’re the Puma socks from Costco and the men’s socks fit SO much better than the women’s and they’re cheaper. My friend Jennie calls this “the pink tax”.

Confessions 3

When Troy and I were dating, we went camping with a bunch of friends. We were unloading the car and I saw this weird bulky cloth bundle. I asked him what it was and he told me it was a “pillart”.

What exactly is a pillart you might be asking yourself? Well, friends, it is a t-shirt stuffed with your other clothes you’ll need for camping. And at night, you use it as pillow. It can also be referred to as a “shillow”. And, I still married him.

Confessions 4

There is this family we have seen around at various sports activities since Jack and this other kiddo were pretty young. We randomly ran into them at Target a few weeks ago and the first thing the mom blurted out was “Jacob made the travel team” and gave me a smug smile.

First off, hi. How are you? Second, Jack no longer cares about that sport and doesn’t even play it, so I don’t know why you think we’re competing through our kids. Third, chill the hell out. Fourth, congrats to Jacob but stop living your dreams through him.

Confessions 5

I have an obsession with our leaf blower. Yes, I’m sure I could sweep and rake everything. I actually like doing those things and think it is good exercise. BUT, the leaf blower is SO satisfying, quicker, and does an amazing job cleaning our driveway off from the debris from our neighbor’s stupid cedar tree.

We use this rechargeable battery-operated leaf blower and it is quieter than normal leaf blowers, so that is something. But I feel like a powerful badass as I as destroy all leaves in my path. Bow to me maple leaves, I am your mistress!

Confessions 6

Bennett’s preschool has show and tell every Friday and each week there is a theme. I noticed that there is a Friday in December that the kids are supposed to bring a family photo timeline.

One, I have yet to see any information on what is expected for this. Two, I pay you good money so I don’t have to do crafts with my child. 

Confessions 7

I was in the middle pump at the Costco gas station and this woman in front of me was waiting in her car with gas pump in her tank. She had a handicapped license plate. A solid 5 minutes after her pump clicked off she was still in her car.

Because of the way she parked, no one else could exit the lane. My car was already full of gas and the car behind me and I were both waiting to get out of the line.

I assumed she may need a hand so I went up and gently knocked on her window. When she opened her door I asked her if she would like me to take the pump out and close up her gas tank for her.

She gave me the dirtiest look and said she would do it herself. She then spent another two minutes in her car doing God knows what.

Confessions 8

I was working on my computer at Panera recently and this group of three women came in and promptly set up their computer and then proceeded to start a 45-minute video conference call.

ARE.YOU.FREAKING.KIDDING.ME? I spent those 45-minutes murdering them with my eyes.

Confessions 9

None of the examples of “irony” in Alanis Morrissette’s song “Ironic” are actually ironic. They’re all just unfortunate events.

Ok, friends, your turn! What do you need to confess?