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Confessions – May

If you’re new around here, confessions is a time for us to all unburden ourselves of the silliness we’re feeling at the moment. I share dumb things, then you share dumb things, and we all have a better day because of it.

Let’s get started!

  1. I resent the low flow toilet flushers that are in public restrooms. Yeah, I said it! You know those toilets with green handles where you push down for liquids or push up for um, non-liquids? This set up is ASS backward my friends. FACT: more people pee in public than poop. FACT: everyone uses their foot to flush those toilets. FACT: nobody wants to lift up that flusher with their foot while wearing flip flops. 
  2. I’ve never seen Lady and Tramp all the way through. I know there is a pasta scene and that’s about it. And I’m not the least bit sorry about it.
  3. A few weeks ago, I was in the car and passed a new construction site. I yelled “EXCAVATOR” to get Bennett’s attention. Only to realize I had already dropped all the kids off at school. Rad.
  4. One of my biggest fears is that people think I’m lazy. I find it terrifying!
  5. When I was little I was a hot mess when it came to coloring with markers. I would get them all over my hands and arms. I looked like a walking canvas. My mom used to rub Comet into my skin with a kitchen rag to remove the marker. Comet. Powdered bleach. That being said, I don’t think I’ve been sick in three years, and I probably only missed two days of school total kindergarten through high school. Maybe she was onto something? But just so we’re clear: don’t put bleach on your kids!
  6. When Troy and I lived in Los Angeles he worked behind in the lighting department on television and film sets. He worked on a season of America’s Next Top Model and he came home super excited one day saying “they have a model who looks like you! She’s built like you and looks like a normal person”. So excited. Well…when that season came out, they marketed her as being the first plus-sized model on the show. I think she was a size 10? 
  7. After my mom passed away, I’m a bit hazy in everything that occurred in the week after. But, I don’t think hospice ever came and took the narcotics away. I think we still had some super heavy meds in our hospice kit. That seems suuuuuuper dangerous to me considering the prescription drug crisis in this country. 
  8. A few weeks ago, Bennett was being a total asshat. Three-year-olds truly are the devil. Jack (10-year-old) knows how to push all the buttons of both Bennett and yours truly. Anyway, Troy was at work (he works 24-hour shifts) and I was 100% over being a parent. Totally done. Bennett was taking a shower at the end of the night and flipped his shit over something mundane (Didn’t like the washcloth I gave him? The soap didn’t bubble exactly right? Who knows. #3yearolds) and was out of control. After trying for a few minutes to get him to calm TF down, I finally snapped. I grabbed the shower head and sprayed him in the face like he was a cat scratching the couch. Sure, it wasn’t the mature thing to do. No, I don’t regret it.

Alright friends, your turn! 

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42 comments on “Confessions – May”

  1. During a long car drive, my youngest decided to keep playing with the straw in his cup to make a loud screechy noise. I told him to stop playing with the straw or I would stop the car and dump out his soda.

    Being one of those annoying people who think rules don’t apply to him, he kept playing with the straw. I pulled the car into a parking lot, grabbed the cup out of his hand, dumped the soda on the ground, and then stomped on the cup for good measure. It felt good.

    Thankfully, my kids know I’m not bullshitting now. lol

    • Ha, knowing your youngest I can totally witness this whole thing happening in my mind! And Jack would have done the exact same thing.

  2. I have many days whereby I think that my teenager is a jerk-face (nicest way I can put it) and I would throat punch him if it was legally acceptable.

    My 11 yr old is dangerously close to jerk-face teenager territory, but will still hug me and that’s cool.

    I love my kids, I hate the drama that comes with three boy children. It’s like being on the team with the Hulk, you never know what they will do next or who they will punch.

    • I think the throat punch comment is so spot on! Troy and I will look at each other at least three times a day and say “he’s so punchable right now”.

      The hugs from the 11-year-old are what likely keep him alive.

      Not only do you not know when Hulk will attack, but your bathroom ALWAYS smells like pee! I have to wipe it down at least once a day and honestly I just wish they would pee outside.

  3. I hate auto flush toilets. The ones where I work flush at random moments. There is just nothing like having your butt sprayed with toilet splashback from that! Eww. Just Eww!

    Then there was the day that my third grader decided she wasn’t going to acolyte at church that morning, not ten minutes before we were to leave –too late to call anyone to fill in (before cell phones). No, she wasn’t going to change her clothes. No, she wasn’t going to brush her hair. No, she wasn’t going to get in the car. She was a big child, never went through a “bean pole” stage, and was more than 100 pounds at that point (she’s 6′ 1″ now, and grew all along, so I am sure you can relate) and so we couldn’ easily lift her. I grabbed clothes since she was still pajama clad, and we started to strong arm her to the car, one of us on either side. Once outside, she decided to do the “limp toddler act” and we continued to drag her up the cement stairs to our car. She was screaming. The neighbors were slack jawed with shock. I told them we were going to church, and smiled. I went back for Bandaids and antibiotic ointment since her shins were bleeding. By the time we got to church, she knew she wasn’t winning that round. In the end, we rolled up her PJ’s so they wouldn’t show under the robe, threw some Bandaids on the scrapes, threw the robe over her, ran a brush through her hair and off she went. I thought for sure that child protective services would be knocking on the door. No one called, I guess. I guess I should have just turned the hose on her….

    • Auto flush toilets are terrifying! As someone who was super sick when pregnant, I can tell you that those toilets are aggressive with this flushing splashback.

      OMG, I LOVE the acoltye story! The look on the neighbor’s face must be burned into your mind.

  4. I never saw The Princess Bride until my American daughter brought home her British boyfriend and my younger daughter kept trying to get him to say, “As you wish” when he responded to her sister. I wouldn’t sit through it again. P.S. They are married and we all love him.

    • Awww, I still love the Princess Bride and keep trying to get Jack to watch it. I think it is one of those shows that is so beloved because you see it in your childhood and then pick up on different jokes and themes each time you watch it.

  5. I once dropped godchild who was losing it in a bath, fully clothed. I was running the bath for him anyway and it stopped the tantrum. Then there were cuddles and reason. He thinks it’s hilarious now. I got dumped in a bath full of cold water when I was about 4, for medical reasons, I’d pulled an iron on myself. It worked I don’t have a scar and we can’t even remember what leg it was on!
    I didn’t watch Star Wars until I was in my 20’s and I’ve never managed to get to the end of Ferris Bueller without falling asleep!

  6. 1. 11 decided to be more than over the line snarky while I was holding the garden hose. Yup, you guessed it, he got soaked. The bad part is that he decided to repeat the same process and again got soaked with the hose.
    Not sorry at all!
    2. 4 colored herself blue and looked like a smurf, tg we only have washable markers.
    3. 11 and 8 learned the hard way how to scrub out a bathroom, need I say more?
    4. Neighbor keeps wanting me to watch her ASD + a host of other issues 9 year old girl even though mine are at summer camp. Ummmmm, no thank you very much.
    5. Broken a million records due to heat wave here. Too much boob sweat!

  7. Oh my gosh! The last thing you confessed…. You’re not alone! When my daughter was probably two, (she’s 34 now) she had gotten hysterical and nothing would calm her down and I was at my wits end. So I put her in the tub with her clothes and shoes still on (!) and turned on the shower. It snapped her out immediately. And of course it ended with a good cuddle session and I’m sure some kind of treat. I have felt awful about this for years. Thanks for that confession!

  8. Call your local police department about the meds. Around here they do a drug take back once a year and some departments take them year round for disposal.

    • I think my dad took them to a pharmacy at some point. But dang, hospice, get it together! With all the opioid addictions in this country, leaving people with morphine and fentanyl seems like a horrible idea.

    • Yes, Brittany, I did that with our local sheriff’s department. They have a drop box for it; it’s one of those that once you drop something in, it’s almost impossible to get it out. There are requirements for putting things in there. For instance, you mark out your name (Sharpies take care of that), but leave the medication name showing, etc. A few months later, I get a call from the sheriff’s department. They want to know about my medications and how they got out into the general public since they were prescribed for me. Holy Crap! So I tell them I put them in the drop box/which one, etc. and that’s that. (I am left wondering if CSI did something to be able to view my name, or did they go to my pharmacy, or what?–or if I am going to be asked to the station for a “visit.”) A few months later, I learn from a newspaper article that one of the sheriffs was making a bit of extra money selling the “good” drugs from the box! I know this is NOT common, but it’ my weird experience. And YES, I’d still use that method of disposal as best choice.

  9. I went to a school play based on the Little Mermaid, and realized that I have NEVER seen the movie. It’s a Disney classic, right? I’ve heard so much about it that I thought I’d seen it. But watching the school play, I realized I had no idea how it ended. (Did I go home and watch the movie? No. Still haven’t seen it.)

    • I wore out my Little Mermaid VHS when I was a kid! I’m sure it was a movie that hasn’t aged well, so you’re likely not missing much.

  10. One time i reported my friend, we’ll call her Parah, for spraying her kid in the shower. Fun times. 

    Another time, my kid wasn’t paying attention to where she was walking and walked into the wall.  I totally laughed at her before making sure she was ok.