Starting a campaign to remove a term from parenting nomenclature
(warning, photo ahead that includes some new baby goo)
There is a term that makes me cringe whenever I see or hear it.
I see and hear it often, and while I don’t fault people for saying it, because I don’t think they say it with malice, I don’t believe it adequately defines what they mean. I think the term they’re looking for is “stay at home mom”. Because let’s get one thing straight, in no way does working outside of the home downgrade me to “part-time mommy” status.
This post is not a working mom vs. stay at home mom post. Society has created enough of their own biases and pressures on motherhood. We don’t need to add flame to that fire. If you work or stay at home, you do so because that is what you and your family needs; any other reason isn’t anyone’s damn business.
Many moms work because they want to. They love their jobs. They love the people they work with and what their work means to them, etc. Some moms work because they have to. Some moms work for a combination of the two (like me). Regardless of what camp a working mom falls in, the term “fulltime mommy” can be like a slap in the face.
Me? I work because I provide 75% of our family’s income and 100% of our health insurance. No amount of side jobs and babysitting can replace comprehensive health coverage. Am I currently in my dream job? Nope. Do I complain about it? Often There is no point. As of now, where we are in our lives, it is what it is. I’ve always enjoyed working throughout my life, and I’m not certain that I’m cut out to be a stay at home mom. But right now, I don’t have the option to find that out. Maybe some day.
You can read about my average day as a mom working outside of the house here. (go on. I’ll wait). With all the things I have going on, I still love, teach, and nurture my child each and every day. Being away from the home during business hours, does not a bad mom make.
Is my child perfect? Pardon me while I snort. Is any child perfect?
As parents, we can be around our kids 24/7, or just a few waking hours a day. The end result is that we’re going to fuck them up regardless of what we do. We all fail our kids on a daily basis no matter our working situation. And that is ok. Our job and our right as parents is to make mistakes so that our children see us as imperfect human beings. They need to witness our trials and tribulations so that they know what life has in store. No parent can or should present a perfect plastic lying life to their kids. That is a huge disservice to them, and frankly an insult to their intelligence. We owe it to our kids to show them that life is a series of journeys – some are memorable because they’re wonderful. Some are important because they taught us a hard lesson. Regardless, they shape who are are and shouldn’t be glossed over.
Show me a mother, and I’ll show you a working mom. It doesn’t matter if they’re employed for money outside of the home, all moms are working. We’re all trying to do right by our kids and our families, and hells bells we need to support each other instead of judge one another because of the choice that works for OUR families. And I’ll be the first one to raise my hand and say I’ve been guilty of judging another parent’s choices. I’m sorry. I was wrong.
Let’s just love our kids and keep our opinions to ourselves (and or blogs), give each other support to make mistakes and choices, and everything else will just fall in the place.
|Just because. Because I think this photo is adorable. That’s why!|
Our family is weird. We have three kids, 28 y o, married on his own, 22 y o at home due to medical issues, 18 y o at home. Our daughters medical issues effected her life in such a way, limiting what she can and can’t do. We started our own spa and retail store last fall. Jobs for the kids and myself, hubs helps out on weekends. People are so worried about my kids and our different life. Guess what at times I am too. My dd depends on a $13,000 service dog. This isn’t the life I thought we would have but hey it is working for us. I have gotten more than my share of opinions on mothering. I stayed at home for eons raising sicks with medical problems because that is what I had to do. I try not to judge other parents, you don’t know the road they have walked on.
LOVE this blog!
I just found your blog and I LOVE it! Your sarcastic wit it right up my alley 🙂 On the full-time/part-time/sometimzers mommy post I agree with you. I work full time at a job. But my “real” job is being a mom. Not part time mom, not full-time mom. I am simply a mom. I work my butt off at my job and I work my butt off when I am with my kid being a mom. Parenting is a JOB..it’s the best, most-rewarding, exhausting, rip-your-hair-out-at-least-122-times-a-week, wonderful “JOB” I’ll ever know. I have people ask me all the time if I work or stay at home. I tell them I’m a mom and I work. So technically I have 2 full-time jobs 🙂 Throw the hubs in there and the dog and I’m seriously rockin’ 4 jobs 🙂
Aren’t we all full time mommies regardless of where we work? Are there part-time mommies? Sounds like a job description! Sometimes I wonder how people come up with these funny phrases that makes no sense. I work outside the home but I am still a full time mommy because no matter where I am or what I do, I am still a mother, 24/7, 365 days a year. Every year. Until the day I die. So, aren’t we all technically full time mommies regardless? Great post by the way!