Those three bears should have just left Goldilocks alone
Once upon a time, there was a grumpy baby named Bennett.
And he would not farking nap longer than 28 minutes. EVER. His momma could set her watch by it. She read everything she could find about extending naps, because homeboy needs TO SLEEP.
She started by putting her hand on his chest at 25 minutes to help keep him steady when he transitioned from one sleep cycle to the next.
And it was nice. For him. Momma’s arm got really sore, and started to go to sleep over the crib railing. And she was very sad to see how huge her hands looked from this angle.
Then, his momma tried something to replace the weight of her hand. And it was good. The irony of the book title was delicious.
But it wasn’t enough weight for Bennett, so his mom tried different weights of books to see if there was a winning combination.
And it worked. But even though she was sitting right next to the crib, the baby’s mom started to get worried about a book slipping off and bonking him. So, she made a move that was fairly genius. Bumgenius if you will.
It was a nice solution, but he couldn’t be soothed during a momentary freak out, so his mom did what needed to be done.
Looking for a long-term answer to this nap conundrum, Bennett’s mom took things to the next level – a hand shaped bag full of lentils.
The moral of the story is that Goldilocks probably wasn’t a naughty little girl breaking in to someone’s home. It is very likely she was just the exhausted mom of a three-month old.
***And to anyone worried about the safety of Bennett, I was sitting on a foot stool literally 12 inches from his crib the entire time.