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Those three bears should have just left Goldilocks alone

Once upon a time, there was a grumpy baby named Bennett.

And he would not farking nap longer than 28 minutes.  EVER.  His momma could set her watch by it. She read everything she could find about extending naps, because homeboy needs TO SLEEP.

She started by putting her hand on his chest at 25 minutes to help keep him steady when he transitioned from one sleep cycle to the next.

And it was nice.  For him.  Momma’s arm got really sore, and started to go to sleep over the crib railing.  And she was very sad to see how huge her hands looked from this angle.


Then, his momma tried something to replace the weight of her hand.  And it was good.  The irony of the book title was delicious.


But it wasn’t enough weight for Bennett, so his mom tried different weights of books to see if there was a winning combination.



And it worked.  But even though she was sitting right next to the crib, the baby’s mom started to get worried about a book slipping off and bonking him.  So, she made a move that was fairly genius.  Bumgenius if you will.


It was a nice solution, but he couldn’t be soothed during a momentary freak out, so his mom did what needed to be done.


Looking for a long-term answer to this nap conundrum, Bennett’s mom took things to the next level – a hand shaped bag full of lentils.


The moral of the story is that Goldilocks probably wasn’t a naughty little girl breaking in to someone’s home.  It is very likely she was just the exhausted mom of a three-month old.



***And to anyone worried about the safety of Bennett, I was sitting on a foot stool literally 12 inches from his crib the entire time.


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10 comments on “Those three bears should have just left Goldilocks alone”

  1. oh! oh! I might know this one.
    I am a professional, not a mom, but have had so so many babies that parents swore wouldn’t sleep, but would sleep for me.
    Overdress him.
    I’m sorry.
    Some people will think I’m terrible and trying to ruin the baby’s hardiness, but it works so often, and girlfriend, you have other things to do besides sleep with the baby. When else can you get things done, if not naptime?!?
    The very last baby had an insanely awesome Icebreaker hoodie that was built like Hanna Andersson to fit forever, long after many other garments of this gigantic baby’s had been handed down. It worked like a charm, and long after (weather-wise) you’d have thought he’d want to wear it.
    He’d wake up with a sweaty head sometimes. This might make you think he’s too hot. But he never suffered, and sweat is cleansing, right? Was he was thirsty later, I don’t remember, but if he was, whatever. HE WAS SLEEPING. Which he otherwise would not do! So, you know.
    Worth a shot!

    p.s. I only just found your blog and am trying to find out what happened to your mom after the MS diagnosis, but I’m really enjoying all the thrifty stuff! Husband and I are at the point where one of us is out of work, we had to move somewhere cheaper, and are trying to hang onto things like the retirement savings and not go bonkers from Austerity, and it’s enjoyable to read about people who have the same kind of sense of humor, suffered, and seem to have made it. Thank you for writing.

  2. … This is exactly why all 3 of mine were tummy sleepers from about 2 months onward….As soon as they were able to slither and scootch around they could NOT be kept asleep on their backs if they were on a flat surface. Sure if wanted them in a swing or bouncy they would sleep on their back.. If I put them on their tummy they would crash and relax into a lengthier rest. They were all able to flip their heads around and lift their necks up high so I ran with it. A mom’s gotta do! Try to get some rest.. anyway that works for you!

  3. Hang in there momma! It is so wonderful and precious and amazing to have these boys (mine are 5 yrs, 3 yrs, and 5 months) in our lives but it is also really effing hard!! From one sleep and productivity deprived mom to another – we got this!!

  4. My first napped like a champ and I was so naive I didn’t realize it. My second one made me wish I could get struck by lightning though, cuz she wouldn’t sleep more than two hours at any time, night or day, for nearly the whole first year of her life. And I developed raging insomnia so I got probably a grand total of two hours of sleep per day. For nearly a year. She’s nine now and it’s STILL traumatic to think about. Parenting win for you, though, that’s ingenious! My only trick involved getting a fleece fitted sheet for her crib and warming it slightly with a heating pad before laying her down (not ON the heating pad, of course). Our house is always kept cold, so putting her down on a cold mattress covered with a thin crib sheet was akin to rocking her to sleep on Mama’s nice warm fleece-bathrobe-covered chest and then laying her down in the freezer. It worked, mostly, but she really just had to grow up to get out of that horrible phase. (And yep, she was the second child AND the last. I’ve often said if she had been first she’d have been an only child.)

    • Love, love, love the idea of the fleece sheet! His room is the warmest in the house (it used to be mine growing up), so right now is not a great time for that, but I’m all over it during winter!

  5. That happened to me too. And I know that is contrary to the recommendations we get, but I started to put my baby to nap on her tummy and wow! she slept for several hours in a row. I was next to her the whole time just to be sure nothing wrong happened… but it really helped. I was really reluctant at first, but it worked. And I did not do it for every nap, but once in a while, so she and I would get a few hours of rest!
    But I LOVE your idea! I would never have thought of it, that is so clever!

  6. This company makes weighted swaddles and sleep sacks for infants. You might even be able to sew your own version if you are feeling super crafty.

  7. So I don’t know how you feel about bedsharing or if you have tried it but it may be something to consider for naps? Then at least you can be comfortable too??!! My 6 month old doesn’t like to nap either. I pretty much have to have my nipple jammed in his mouth the entire time. This isn’t always the most practical thing as a mom of 6 with 2 other little ones beside the baby home during the days. Needless to say our house is messier than it was before baby came into our lives!

    • We have tried it, and it is actually our current issue. It worked for us at first, but now that he is bigger, he wiggles too much and makes me nervous. It’s not working for anyone. I usually spend the night getting motorboated, or having his head bashing in to my jaw.