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Underneath it All

I received an email last week after my confession posts, where a (now former) reader said that by saying I wanted to push Kanye West off a cliff, slap Justin Bieber, and cut Miley Cyrus’ tongue off, I was basically committing cyber bullying.

We had a great back and forth discussion that was extremely civil and I think we both learned a lot.  In the end, she chose to no longer be a reader, and in the end, I remain committed to the idea that anyone who has a) read my blog for any length of time would know I was just being sarcastic b) no child on earth should be reading my blog and c) I have to stay true to myself.  The rest of this post was just inspired by the exchange, but in no way am I disparaging the woman who took the time to email me.  She was standing up for what she felt was right, and I have to respect that.

In one of the email exchanges, she indicated disbelief that I would use aggressive language like that in real life, or if given the chance if I would say those things to the people’s faces.

Here’s the thing, I would.

Well, I would only say it to Kanye if there were armed guards around.  I’ve seen what he has been doing to photographers lately!

Over the years, I’ve gotten a few such emails as the one I described above.  I’m lucky in that they’ve all been super civil, never cruel, but all basically saying the same thing “you need to consider the (fill in the blank) population when you are writing”.

Let me tell you what.  If you ask anyone who really knows me in real life, my writing is exactly how I talk.  Most of the time, really stupid shit comes out of my mouth, but all my true friends know that when something dumb comes out, it is meant to a) be funny b) fill in the dead air when something sad has happened and I have NO idea what to say.

So, to accuse me of presenting a false version of who I am, well that is just beetle headed.  And I’d say that to your face if we were in real life.

In real life, I am a really weird and complicated person.  In real life, I would do anything to put a smile on your face when you are stressed out or sad.  In real life, the shit that comes out of my mouth is just as dumb as the shit you read here.

In my real life, I almost never see my husband.  In real life, my only choice is to allow this bullshit lifestyle we live to continue on, or know that he is fucking miserable at a normal job for the rest of his life.  When faced with that situation, I don’t have any good choices, so I chose the one that causes me to die inside a little each day because my life isn’t anything like I thought it would be.

As a result, the one constant my son has in his life is me.  It is me who wakes him up, feeds him, bathes him, and puts him to bed EVERY NIGHT.  I don’t get to go to the gym, or go out with friends, join a book club, or do anything that requires me to attend regularly like a weeknight church group etc.  I’m out of choices in that regard.

The ONE fucking choice it seems like I have left is to write what the fuck I what, when I fucking want to.

Just like you have the choice to read it or not.  I’m not in any way saying that you can’t email me and tell me that something I said didn’t sit well with you, but just understand that before you hit send, I’m going to link you back to this post.  It’s not that I don’t want to engage with you and email back and forth, it’s just that if I were to write how you seem to want me to write, I’d be presenting a false version of me.

In my three years of writing, what I’ve found is that no one (really) wants to read a blog by someone who acts perfect, seems to never have mini breakdowns, or they can’t relate to.  There are plenty of blogs out there for you to read if you’d like any of the above, but let me tell you – they’re written by fucking liars.

As humans, we’re complicated as hell.  I don’t doubt that at some point something I will say will get stuck in your craw,  It’s gonna happen, so just know in advance that I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I’m not a robot.  I make mistakes and stuff like that.  We all do.

I have absolutely no idea what this post is actually about. It’s a brain dump. Written diarrhea. Just trying to get everything out that is floating around in my head and keeping me from sleeping.  Who the hell knows.

I’m going to sleep now.

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98 comments on “Underneath it All”

  1. Amen, sister. Thanks for letting me still read even though we dashed your hopes of a turquoise TV stand. 😉 With all that you have going on in your life in addition to the time it takes you to share it with us, you’re pretty much superwoman in my eyes…and have I mentioned a friend of mine here is seriously your doppelganger? It’s spooky, really.

    • I still shake my fist and you and your mother. ;-D

      I haven’t heard about your friend, the doppelganger (and BTW, I love that you use that. I use that word at least once a month and people look at me like I’m crazy). Send me a photo of my twin?

  2. I have been reading your blog ever since my daughter found your Vick’s Discs on Pinerest over a year ago. (No, I have not made them thus far. And probably won’t. I am an idea person, not so great with the following through with them.)
    I confess I read your blog because I must be some sort of stalker….your adventures with Jack, the chickens, your hubby and his guy ways….all of these things are like some type of saga and I want to know how things are going.
    Your wit and sarcasm are charming….and I think that anyone that cannot tell when you are being a smart-ass online wouldn’t be able to tell in person either.
    Ps. Your parents are in my thoughts and prayers….dealing with an illness sucks. They must be pretty great people if their daughter is any indication!

    • Ha, I have a whole list of things that I don’t actually want to do, but I like the idea of wanting to do them. Understand?

      I’m fairly certain you’re not a stalker!

      Thanks for the prayers for the gimps. They’re doing pretty well (as well as can be expected. They’re wonderful peeps.

  3. You need to do you. And I have to remind myself all the time online that you can’t please all of the people all of the time no matter what and if certain people’s delicate sensibilities are constantly wounded by what they read on the internet (especially a blog as innocuous as this one) then perhaps they need to rethink their expectations of the internet. You are the least offensive blog I’ve ever read. I enjoy what you do. Don’t change, please.

  4. Amen sistah! There is only one person that can be the real authentic you and that is you! I’m glad that you keep it real.

  5. Wow, Sarah, I don’t know you, but I have a huge respect for you. This is a blog, not an advertisement to buy a product. You don’t have to consider your audience when you write. We have to consider the author when we subscribe. If I don’t like who you are or your writing style, I shouldn’t subscribe. That’s a pretty simple concept. I’m glad you and the reader worked it out respectfully.

    Please keep the sarcasm and dumb shit coming. 🙂

  6. Thank you for being true to yourself. I read your blog because I love your Voice! Never ever fucking change my dear.

  7. No one HAS to follow a blog. It is a choice. No one HAS to comment on a blog. It is a choice. If someone chooses to criticize your blog for something that, to anyone who has followed the blog for any amount of time, is completely NORMAL, is…what?? Hypocritical? Holier-than-thou?? A douche-bag???

  8. Amazing blog! You are such an inspiration. Keep it up!

  9. THIS is why I have read your blog from the beginning. You are REAL and don’t put on a false persona. Keep being yourself!

  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

    • I am attempting to paraphrase here, so let me know if I got it wrong.

      You don’t like swearing, but you read my blog in spite of my swearing.
      You think it is weird that other people like my swearing. What I think the other people are saying (in regards to liking my swearing) is that it isn’t the swearing itself that they like, but the fact that because I am swearing means I am showing my true voice and am not putting on a show.

      I think I got that all. Maybe? Who knows.

  11. Are we sisters? Because what you say is just like what I would say, and Momma has a cow whenever I drop the “F Bomb.” Don’t stop being yourself. Love you!! <3

  12. I’m still cracking up days later about the “being late for church” confession. I confess I utter those exact words on almost a daily basis, no matter where I’m going.

  13. After moving to Australia from the US eight years ago, I found that I had to change myself more and more to fit into society here. However, when I stumbled upon your blog six months ago, I felt like my old US self was let out! You say all the things that most people are thinking but feel that can’t share. Welcome to my world where Australians hide anything of importance and never talk about personal difficulties. Thank you for your refreshing honesty. Your posts often make my week, and they make me laugh like I haven’t in a very long time!

    • I had no idea that Australians weren’t all chatty about their personal problems! From what I understand (from my limited fictional reading), Australians sure do like to cuss though. Is that correct?

    • Oh my word, Aussies would rather have a leg taken off by a shark than actually admit they have a problem! All I every hear when attempting more than a surface level conversation is, “She’ll be right mate.”

      And Aussies outside the major cities would make a drunken sailor blush.

    • Oh, Jen, you just haven’t met the right ones! I’ll bore you to tears “sharing” my life!

  14. You were the first blog that I wanted to (and do) follow. Your wit and charm have me eagerly awaiting new posts.

    Keep on, keepin’ on.

  15. You go girl! I’m with you, and frankly, both Bieber and Miley are spoiled brats leading a far too entitled life for no good reason at all! Neither one has enough talent to matter and are just symptomatic of what’s wrong with our so called entertainers. And frankly, some of the people who feel they must comment on things like your blog need to get a sense of humor and quit feeling they must make us all conform to their senseless lives. Okay?

  16. I agree, great blog. I love when someone is not afraid to say Fuck … Thanks!

  17. I adore the fuck outta you.

  18. I like how someone used the word “ninnies” haha. In full support of this blog and the way you f-ing write it! You rule!

  19. Yeahhhhh! I will echo Stephanie and say, “Who doesn’t want to push Kanye off a cliff?” Write on, sista, and stay true to your voice. I always found it funny how someone can get offended by something someone else said that wasn’t even directed at them, or take literally what is clearly meant to be funny. Some readers be craaaaaaazy!

  20. I’m sorry I offered to help you push Kanye West off a cliff. Wait . . no, I’m not sorry, for I think even Kanye would like to push *himself* off a cliff.
    Keep it real.

    • Don’t apologize, he needs it! Maybe with his demise, Bieber can inherit the clothes from Kanye’s clothing line?

      I’m sure Nori wants to push her own dad off of a cliff.

  21. Listen, cyber bullying? Kanye West? Seriously? You shoulda started off your response email with….”Im gonna let you finish but…” and then ranted about beyonce writing the best email of all time.

    I read your blog everyday, absolutely love your personality and humor. The beauty of the internet is that if you don’t like what you are reading, it doesn’t apply to you, you hate the font, whatever, you can move on. There is more internet available to you. Its your blog and your responsibility to be honest to yourself amd your readers.

    Keep up the good work.

    That being said….is there any hope on the horixon for your hubby to be home more? Its obvious that you bust your ass off (not saying he doesn’t) but you deserve a life too.

    Take care, thanks for blogging!

    • “Im gonna let you finish but…” and then ranted about beyonce writing the best email of all time.

      I think I just died 1,000 deaths.

      As far as Troy being home more…that depends on when/if he can find a full-time fire fighting job. Right now he is working two jobs, but none equal a full-time fire job. If he can go to full-time, he’d work 24 hours, and then off for 48. And you know, have benefits, and sick leave, and vacation, and normal shit that he has NEVER EVER HAD.

    • I hope he finds something soon. You need a break!

  22. Woop woop go you!! Mx

  23. Amen sister…keep it up. If people don’t like it- get the fuck gone with you I say….

  24. You’re awesome. Never change your tone in your writing.

  25. Ahem. *sings to the tune of “It’s My Party”* It’s your blog and you can write what you want to, write what you want to, wriiiite what you want tooo… You would rant too, if it happened to yoooou! *bows*