Sustainable Cooks
First Time Visiting? Start Here!

Confessions

If you’re new around here, confessions is a time for us to all unburden ourselves of the silliness we’re feeling at the moment. I share dumb things, then you share dumb things, and we all have a better day because of it.

Let’s get started!

Confession 1

Very few things make me more murderous than when the kids say “mom” and then don’t answer what I say “yes? what do you need”? They just stare at me with their big dumb dead “I have no respect for your time” eyes.

If you ASK FOR MY ATTENTION, THEN ACKNOWLEDGE WHEN I ANSWER YOU

Confession 2

There is a cute beach cottage near our house. It’s a seafoam green color and has an adorable gravel driveway. And right by the front door, they have a flag pole where they fly a black and red Slayer flag.

I love them and want to be friends with them.

Confession 3

My ribcage has expanded so much from having kids. Even if we wanted more kids (we don’t. Hell no), I don’t think there would be any shirts left in this world that could fit around my ribs.

Do ribcages expand so that we have more lung capacity to yell at our children? If so, mission accomplished.

Confession 4

You would think that Bennett has never gotten in his car seat before. Ever.

Each and every time he gets in there it is like his very first time. “Oh, I’m supposed to sit in this? You mean like with my butt on this part? I’m not supposed to stand in it? Oh, and I shouldn’t hold onto the straps EVERY TIME you try to snap them shut”?

Confession 5

When I go into the chicken yard and they’re all around me trying to trip me, I yell in my best Ludacris voice “move chicks, get out da way, get out da way”. I’m sure my neighbors are super impressed with my rap skills. Just like the chickens.

Confession 6

There is a safety gate at Bennett’s preschool that separates the playground from the sidewalk that leads to a busy road and a parking lot. There is a child lock on it that is notoriously a PITA to shut one-handed.

On the gate is a sign “for the safety of the children, please lock the gate”. And you know what? Easily 50% of the time it isn’t locked when we go through it. 

The only people who go through that gate are parents, which means that 50% of parents seem to give zero craps about the safety of the children. And yeah, it sucks to do it one-handed, but I have seen moms holding tiny babies who can manage it. For FS people, lock the gate!

Confession 7

I sleep 100% better when Troy is gone. He snores, does this throat scratching sound that makes you want to kick the wall, and is quite disruptive to my sleep.

I miss Ambien.

Confession 8

Both of my kids have been somewhat picky when it comes to eating. Jack is so much better and will try all new things we offer him. Part of it is maturing, and part of it is he has learned that I am not a short-order cook and I will not make multiple meals. You don’t like dinner? No problem. You can have a big breakfast in the morning pal.

Jack has learned this the hard way over the years. Bennett is still in the midst of understanding that his mother is a hard ass. A few months ago at dinner, I made something that Bennett didn’t like and he was pitching a fit.

Jack said “buddy, trust me. This is not a road you want to go down. She doesn’t cave, she won’t break, and she’s definitely not going to make you special food. She’s not dad”. I had to choke back a laugh.

Confession 9

At church on Sunday our pastor asked the kids during children’s sermon what they knew about Rudolph. Most of the kids said “he has antlers” or “he has a red nose” or “he can fly”. Jack pipes up with “his reindeer friends sure got a healthy dose of karma for their behavior”.

This child. He keeps me on my toes and makes me laugh so hard. I’m also starting to think he is a bit too old to go up for  the children’s sermon!

Also, if you’re wondering, the kid’s sermon about Rudolph was tied into the fact that he goes ahead of us and leads the way just like God. But it’s always a good time to have a golden rule lesson too. Don’t be a reindeer jerk face.

 

Ok, friends, your turn! What do you need to confess?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

17 comments on “Confessions”

  1. My most controversial confession is that I really hate people who can’t go a day without shopping and/or eating out, especially during the holidays and/or holidays they don’t celebrate. (Olders who literally don’t have the energy or ability to entertain are exempt from this.) It may not be a holiday for you, but you can bet that some poor hourly wage-earner is missing family time. When was the last non-holiday you rushed off from a family meal to shop in the middle of the night? As far as your confessions go: 1) It used to annoy me when a child would come in during dinner preparations to ask, “What’s for dinner?” then ask again 15 minutes later. I would respond, “It didn’t change since the first time you asked me.” 3) I bought the most expensive pair of boots I ever owned in Italy the fall before I got married. I got pregnant right away, so by the next fall they no longer fit, and my feet were never the same again. I wore them less than one boot season. They were classics, so I saved them for my girls to wear. They belong to the same big foot club that Jack belongs to and my first born blew through that size in 2nd grade, the younger one in 3rd – ages much too young for 2 1/2 inch heels. Many years later I emailed co-workers that they could play Cinderella and one lucky woman got a nice pair of boots after they spent 20 years in a box under my bed. They looked great. 6) Those parents have their kids under supervision, so they don’t give a hoot about the others. They totally suck. 8) Agreed: Here you have a choice at breakfast and lunch (this or this; not anything, your Highness), but at dinner you take what you get and you don’t pitch a fit. 9) Being Mary in the pageant, my 3-ish year old picked her nose and inspected it closely the whole time. I prayed she wouldn’t eat it. One parent commented, “Oh, no one saw her.” ??? She continued, “They were only looking at their child.” Happy New Year!

  2. 1. Thank the Lord my kids are old enough to make their own food if they don’t like what I’m making. Sometimes I even make what they don’t like on purpose. Take that ya stinkin’ teenager.

    2. I cannot wait for my eldest to move out. She is almost 19, but Lord have mercy. She’s technically engaged, but that’s a whole ‘nother drama. JP it and get moving. She’s a good kid, but she is such a girl, and drama follows her like a lovesick Pepe Lepou (sp).

    3. I really dislike all holidays. Commercialism, and materialism, and entitlement has ruined holidays for me. I haven’t turned into the Grinch yet, but I am not far off.

    4. I love Musicals, and after watching Netflix’s the 90’s and seeing there was a show called Cop Rock, I really wish it was a thing. I would totally watch that. But I still can’t bring myself to watch Cats. 🤷

    • That drama would be EXHAUSTING. Is she leaving soon?

      Cop Rock was one of the most mocked shows of all times but I’ve never seen it myself.

      • It doesn’t look to happen for a good year or so. Her fiance was in a bad car accident in September and will probably be off work for another 6-12 months.

        All things considered, I shouldn’t complain, but drama just sucks the life out of you. 😱☠️

    • Ugh. One of my girls was like that and I just kept repeating, “Pleasant and polite is all you need to be.” That is until one day I told her she was, “lucky to be born into this family, because if you were a friend and pulled this shit, you’d be gone.” God bless big sister, who wrote her a budget, announcing that if she followed it, she could move out. She was gone in two weeks. I do love her, even with all the drama, but I do feel your pain.

  3. I hate the song “I’ll be home for Christmas.”

    You are expecting me to make all these accommodations for you (including CONTROLLING THE WEATHER!), and you’re going to be here only in your dreams.

    Yeah, no.

  4. 1. Adison (5 as of 12/28) said after communion (when it was reeeeeaaaaalllllyyyy quiet) “ok, the priest has on a dress, can he tap dance?”
    So, when we were leaving the church Fr. Allan proceeded to show her that, yes he could tap dance!

    2. How is the store only out of whole wheat bread?

    3. Peeps —– please get off of your phones and drive!

    4. Can no one count back change without a calculator or automatic cash register in the store? Math, people math!

    5. Happy New Year!!!!!!

    • Bwaahaa at Addison. Assuming she was wearing some sort of unicorn headband or the like?

      When I was selling Girl Scout cookies outside video rental stores, my dad used to make me count cashback to the customers. I hated him for it but I appreciated it once I ran actual cash registers in later jobs.

      Happy New Year!

  5. Don’t ask me a question and not pay attention to the answer. If you follow up the answer with, “Wait. What?” I’m sorry you missed it.

  6. A slayer flag 😂 I better not tell Adam about this or he’ll think it’s a good idea for our new house. I love the way J sees the world. 

    My confession is when I was in primary school (elementary school?) my mum wanted me to be in the choir, and I had other ideas, so I pretended I joined & told her I went to practices. 6 months later they had the choir singing at a showcase all the parents were going to be at. I asked my friends in the choir what they were wearing (raincoats), got one and lined up to join them on stage on the big day. I didn’t know the song they were singing but boy did I make myself look like it. I was basically running an Americans style operation on that stage that night. It was exhilarating 😂

  7. I have always refused to make special meals for picky eaters with only a couple of exceptions.  
    Spaghetti squash is one.  My daughter (21, now) gave it an honest shot.  She choked down some of her first meal of it (quite literally.  She was gagging.  I didn’t make her finish it) then requested that I never make that again if she is home.  If I DO happen to want it when she is home, I make her some rice in place of the squash (which is super easy because I make it in big batches and freeze in portions).  The other thing I make exception for is something we rarely eat at home.  Steak.  (what kind of weirdo doesn’t like steak?????)  We are more than happy to throw a burger on the grill for her when we are having a steak.  But she is rarely home for dinner these days, so it really isn’t much of an issue anymore.  
    But I bet I will happily make separate meals if this grandbaby ever arrives, and she wants something different when she is old enough ….

    LOVE the ‘healthy dose of karma’ comment!!!!!

    I learned about that Ludacris song when we were having a family game of MarioKart.  Apparently my character was in my aforementioned daughter’s way and she started singing that!  The game stopped so she could look the song up and play it for me because I didn’t believe her when she said it really was a song! (I had forgotten about that!  Thanks!)

  8. I LOVE Confession #8. It was the same with my kids and now that they’re adults, they have amazing eating habits and are adventurous eaters. Good for you for sticking to your guns.