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If you’re new around here, confessions is a time for us to all unburden ourselves of the silliness we’re feeling at the moment. I share dumb things, then you share dumb things, and we all have a better day because of it.

Let’s get started!

Confession 1

First kid: gets preschool prep books to learn letters and counting. Watches some educational PBS shows to understand numbers and letters. I constantly sang educational songs with him when we were in the car. I would point out letters and numbers on signs during our daily commute to work/daycare.

Second kid: is learning numbers from the microwave because I make him heat up his own breakfast. When it was time to teach him the ABCs we realized he already somehow knew them. So, that worked out in my favor!

Confession 2

I’ve never seen When Harry Met Sally. I hate romantic comedies. 

Confession 3

Three-year-olds are quite insistent and hate the phrase “I don’t know” when you ask them a question. Which is why my son thinks that the jet wash in the sky is actually the poop from a jet.

He would not accept my scientific explanation of jet wash and how it killed Goose and it was Ice Man’s fault and OMG poor Meg Ryan!

Confession 4

My favorite song at church is Lord of the Dance. I had been trying to get our music director to play it for years but he never would.

When I planned my mom’s funeral we needed a song so I picked that one because I liked it. She didn’t really go to church and didn’t have a preference.

And then other people at the funeral heard the song and really liked it and started requesting it to be played during church. Once it started getting played people told our music director how it was THEIR favorite song. And now it is in regular rotation and everyone sings it with so much happiness.

So yeah. I used my mom’s funeral to get my favorite song added to our church’s repertoire.  

Confession 5

My three-year-old walked into the bathroom as I was getting out of the shower the other day and said “why do your boobs just look like nipples”.

First off, thanks, kid. Really boosting my self-esteem. Second, they look like that BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR BROTHER.

Confession 6

Troy hates the Berenstein Bears books. HATES them.

The story always goes like this: something is wrong, then Papa Bear comes in and makes it 10x worse and Mama has to fix it. Troy says “they make the dad look like such a screw up who constantly needs rescuing”.

And I’m like um…

Confession 7

I overheard a mom at the grocery store tell her two kids that white eggs were brown eggs that they had bleached white.

I almost called CPS.

Ok, friends, your turn! What do you need to confess?

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    1. RIIIIIIIGHT? I went with my sister and her friends when I was in high school and they were on the edge of their seats. I’m like “we know how this ends…”.

    2. I once worked with a woman who was straight-up obsessed with that movie. Her apartment was covered with Titanic posters and whatnot, and she went on and on about it. She even admitted she’d leave her husband if Leonardo DiCaprio was interested in her, and I am not sure that she was even remotely kidding. It just boggled my mind. That movie is so damn depressing. Not romantic at all.

  1. 1. I hate Quentin Tarantino. Every movie he has done is the same movie in a different setting. Total waste of time.

    2. I hate my kids school and if we could move or afford a private school I would. Administration doesn’t care about the students and rather than do anything about the students they are bullies ( seriously one sent one of my kids to the hospital for thankfully only a sprain) they victim blame the injured. And that’s only the top of the iceberg.

    3. I hate kale. Seriously, who decided we should eat that crap?

    1. Yay, I’m not alone in my Quentin Tarantino hate!

      And yes to the kale hate. I tried to like it, but ugh.

    2. 1) that is how I feel about Red Hot Chili Peppers and Foo Fighters songs. Always the same song with different lyrics.

  2. My husband can’t wait till our 18 month old starts asking Why? So he can give some Calvin’s dad ( from Calvin and Hobbes ) answers, as a preschool teacher I wish him good luck and am glad I know to just employ the “What do you think?” tactic because that can go on For. Days.
    My confession:
    Why does everyone love the 1-2 year stage of children? I find it so frustrating it’s like having a drunk hungry person around All. The. Time. Like, I don’t understand you, you are not capable of doing that thing you want to and if you try you might die and you don’t know how to be alone. I love her but boy I can’t wait till the next phase ( I’m the weirdo who loves the 2.5- 3.5 year olds, well at least they were my favorite to teach, I will report back later if my own is a completely different story, it probably will be. )

    1. Oh buddy, just wait. Just wait!!

      How in the world do you enjoy the 2.5-3.5 age? It is hands down my least favorite. We are all counting down the days until Bennett is 4 and his soul returns to his body.

  3. 2) (Or am I at ten now, with all the comments posted to others?) I couldn’t read any of the Harry Potter books, and don’t ever want to see the movies. I’m glad my kids were old enough to read the books and see the movies on their own.

    Also 3) I feel the same way about the Lord of the Rings. We went to see one of those movies, and it was sooooo slow and boring. It was about as bad as the Titanic movie, which I thought would never end.

      1. No, The Hobbit movies are the worst. Trust me. My husband is a big Tolkien fan, as are my kids, and I loved the Hobbit book (still do)….those movies were awful. Compared to those, the LOTR movies are awesome. That said, I think you have to be a Tolkien fan (not just fantasy/sci-fi, you have to love Tolkien’s writing and stories) to really enjoy them.

        But I feel the same way as you do about Harry Potter, Ainoakpark! I’m so sick of the hype around them. It’s like the Star Wars hype. Wheeeen will it diiieee?

  4. Yup, body image and children’s comments can be a disaster. One of my girls asked me if I remembered when my breasts were “up here” as she lifted one while I was in the shower with her and her baby sister for sake of efficiency. She was only four. This is how you find out when it’s time to NOT take children in the shower with you. Be late to where ever it is you are going. It’s worth it.

    1. Ha, so sweet of your daughter!!

      I get up 2 hours before anyone in the house is awake. I’m showered (alone) and ready for the day before their sleepy asses get out of bed. I think the Bennett incident in question was when I went for a late walk on a warm day and needed a shower in the evening.

  5. 1) I hate it when people talk about something I kind of know about but really don’t have a clue about and then I spend a butt load of time on Google.

    Really. I hate it. So I just looked up if jet wash and vapor trails are the same thing. Nope. Not. Basically jet wash and wake turbulence are the same thing. Vapor trails and contrails, also known as condensation trails, are the same thing. But they ALL aren’t the same thing. (Got that?) Here’s a pretty complete explanation of contrails (in case you want to read it to Bennett, LOL)

    So now we all know, and are sooooo much better for it. FYI, when the questions get to be too much, or just for practice, my mother taught me to ask a question back: “Bennett, why do YOU think there’s jet wash in the sky?” Shift the load, the ball’s in his court. I’ve found that some of the answers are pretty amazing(ly incorrect), and it makes for a better interaction.

    1. This isn’t my first rodeo with the questions. Jack was the most inquisitive kid I’ve ever met. With him, I would say “Jack, what is your hypothesis”? Bennett is a different nut to crack in this regard though.

  6. 1. I have a very unpopular opinion for my first confession. I really hate dogs. I should clarify, I do think some dogs look cute–corgis, in particular–but I really hate how dogs seem to be taking over society. People bring them to hardware stores (once there was a guy in Lowe’s who had TWO GERMAN SHEPHERDS holy crap), the grocery store, and tourist sites. When we went to Colorado and tried to go to the Manitou Cliff Dwellings people had their frickin’ dogs with them. (side note: Colorado was the worst for “dog friendly” places, if I saw a restaurant that said “dog friendly” I refused to eat there) I have a son who is highly allergic to dogs, and two kids who are afraid of dogs, and I have been bitten and attacked by dogs. And every time it was right after the owner said, “Oh, he/she doesn’t bite!” All this to say: WHY do people need to bring their dogs everywhere?! I’m not talking about actual service dogs (not emotional support animals, don’t get me started), or police dogs, or military service dogs. I’m fine with those. I’m talking about the morons who think their dog is a human and can go anywhere a person goes.

    I also don’t understand the appeal of a dog for a pet. Cats at least hunt mice and rats.

    2. I’ve never seen Pulp Fiction. I detest Quentin Tarantino in general.

    3. I used to like Star Wars before I had kids. And now I have two kids who really like Star Wars and I can’t escape it. And now Star Wars is freakin’ everywhere and I hate it. I never realized how horrible George Lucas’ dialogue/story writing is. I think we’re at peak Star Wars saturation and I don’t blame Harrison Ford for wanting them to kill Han Solo off during The Empire Strikes Back.

    4. I am trying to self-publish a book on Amazon and I am haaating the process. It’s making me realize how stupid I am when it comes to computers and things like that in general. Writing the book was easy compared to trying to get it to format properly for Kindle readers OMG. I want to smash my monitor.

    1. Karen, please continue reading after the next sentence. I like dogs. I like dogs that I KNOW. Dogs (and most animals) like me because I leave them alone. Then they are able to figure me out at their own speed. My sister’s small dog used to be glued to my side during parties because I would protect him from the kids. Dogs don’t have to be useful (kids aren’t and we still have them). HOWEVER, I pretty much agree with almost everything else you said. Our society is too “dog friendly” or perhaps places are afraid of litigation. Of course it would help if laws were more clear/specific. I find myself, when faced with animals in inappropriate places, muttering, “Of course, you MUST bring your dog.” I am anxious about dogs I don’t know. Once, ill, I was waiting at a Minute Clinic. A woman came with her dog, who was TOO interested in me (a trained dog wouldn’t do that). I asked her to please keep her dog away from me. Outraged, she informed me that it was, a comfort dog and was allowed in hospitals. I told that I’m not in a hospital and to get her dog away from me. It’s like if you don’t have a dog, oh, you poor thing, here, let me share. Where are my rights?

      1. Your two sentences made me laugh. I accept that people do love dogs. I just don’t understand it. I have known dogs that I liked.

        But I feel like too many dog owners feel like if I veer away from their dog at the park–because honestly, your dog doesn’t know me, he may think I’m a threat to his human, so I’m playing it safe–that I’m being antisocial and rude. It’s SO irritating. And forget reminding them that their dogs are supposed to be on the leash at a park! We have a wonderful playground near us, and there’s one lady who comes there and lets her (smallish) dog off its leash and has it run around on the playground! Like it’s a child or something. She did that once when we had our kids playing there, and we just left without saying anything. The next time I saw her she acted all offended. Sorry, lady, your dog doesn’t know my kids and animals can be unpredictable.

        When my son was in the hospital they tried bringing in “comfort dogs” to the patient rooms and I nearly flipped my lid, because a) my other kid with severe dog allergies was there with us, and b) my sick kid was freaked out and that really helped his recovery, you know? I would have been fine if they had announced that there would be a “canine visit” in the playroom or the lobby, or if a kid wanted a visit they could contact their nurse, but please don’t come to the door of my kid’s hospital room and assume that he wants a visit from a dog, and then act all butt-hurt when he doesn’t.

        So maybe my beef is really with dog owners. The dogs are a product of their training (or lack thereof) and it’s not their idea to be let off the leash or be brought to the dang grocery store.

    2. Both my boys are scared of dogs and Troy has been bitten by multiple dogs that he’s been told are nice. He’s also deathly allergic. I love dogs but have resigned to never having one. I have to say, without a dog, my clothes are so much cleaner without hair on them!

      Good for you and the book!! Pat Flynn just did a four-week series on his Simple Passive Income podcast all about self-publishing. I didn’t listen so I’m not sure if there is anything there that will be helpful, but you may want to check it out.

      1. I am feeling this conversation. I have a dog, and I wish I didn’t.

        My S.O. wanted a dog more than anything. We fought about it for many years because I was totally against it. The mess, the extra responsibility we didn’t need, the unpredictability of all animals, etc. I just didn’t want to deal. But we “compromised” by getting an old dog from a shelter so we weren’t committing for the full 15 years of a dog’s life and we wouldn’t have to do the puppy thing. They told us he was good with other dogs, people, children; he would transition fine. Well, fellow confessors, it has not been fine. None of those things were true, and it has led to more resentment than I care to admit. I have cried over the stress this dog more times in the last year than I thought would be possible. I am not moved by arguments that we are helping a helpless creature. The fact that I still haven’t “come around” and fallen in love with this dog makes me feel like a disappointment and a monster. I wonder if this means I’m going to be a bad mother.

        The weird part is I used to love dogs. I used to take care of other people’s dogs when I was a kid and was really interested in all the different breeds. I don’t know what changed between then and now. Did I just become cold-hearted in adulthood?

        Also, I am absolutely REPULSED when people refer to their dog as their baby. I think it is so gross.

  7. I despise the Berenstain Bears– always have.
    Moms fix 99.9% of all situations.
    4’s favorite word is now NEVER yelled at the level of Idina Menzel singing in Frozen.
    8 is going to make me jump off of a bride because: defiance.
    11.5 is trying to run the world: luck to you dude.
    This blog keeps me sane! Thanks Sarah!!

    1. I thought I was crazy for years because I remember it being Berenstain. I mean we even pronounced it “bear stain” at my house…
      I was so happy to see a YouTube video about the Mandela effect once that addressed the berenstein/berenstain issue. It’s nice to know you aren’t alone lol.

      1. Hahaha, it is so weird. Is it ‘Interview with the Vampire’ or ‘Interview with a Vampire’?.
        I am in Australia, so the Berenstain Bears haven’t quite infiltrated the country as much, but I had a couple of books and I always thought it was Berenstein.

      2. I think even our children’s librarian at the library says “Berenstein”. 🙂

    1. I hate all the “songs” that I call 7-Eleven songs. Songs with seven words that are repeated eleven times. Like that is a song.

      It’s more like a chant or a mantra.