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Confessions, December

It’s that time of the month again folks.

No, not THAT time of the month.

Confession time!  The post each month where we all say silly scandalous things, and laugh and go about our day.  Let us begin.

1) I’ve talked for years about wanting to write a book.  A cookbook/DIY/gardening, etc., kind of book.  Now there is some weird part of me that wants to have Troy and I on the cover of said book recreating the American Gothic painting.  But I have no idea why this popped in to my head…instead of a pitchfork, I want to hold my dad’s fake leg.

I do fear that something is wrong with me.

2) I swear that boy pee is the stinkiest thing in the whole world.  It’s like toxic waste.  So, when I clean the bathrooms, and Jack’s toilet is all sparkling and smelling clean…I make him pee outside for at least two hours just so I can keep it clean for that much longer.

3) Jack has such long nose hairs that I actually have to trim them.  I can’t handle them.

4) I pride myself on being pretty level-headed and sensible.  I notice the little things that no one else does.  Tiny details rarely escape me.

Which is why it’s so embarrassing to admit that about seven years ago, Troy and I were watching 24.  I sat up towards the end of an episode and gasped “we’re late (for some appointment I can’t recall right now)”!  I started scrambling to get ready to go and Troy looked at me said “we’re not late.  Did you think the time on the TV was the actual time”?

I totally did.  You know how 24 does that “beep boop, beep boop” thing and displays the time on the screen?  I totally took it for the actual time.

5) The other day I needed exactly $2 and I had to steal it from Jack’s piggy bank.  I paid him back, don’t you worry.

6) We keep a plastic cup in the bathtub for rinsing the soap off of Jack, and for washing his hair.  We also brush his teeth in the tub. About six months ago, he started spitting his toothpaste in to the cup.  I rinse it in the sink, but still totally use it on Jack.

7) I always see those “Chive on” bumper stickers and until I just googled it, I had NO idea what it meant.  Living in a state where pot is legal, I assumed it was something drug related.

8) I can’t stand people who talk on their cell phones on speakerphone in public.  Is your arm that tired that you can’t bring it all the way up to your ear?  Is your conversation that important that we all need to hear it?

9) I eat gummy bears feet first and leave their heads for last so that they can watch me devour their tasty little bodies.  I’ve never tortured an animal in real life, so don’t fear that I am some psychopath.

10) I want to kick my own ass on a daily basis for the money I turn down related to this blog.  I get approached constantly for sponsored posts (I write about your product and you pay me cash money), and I always turn them down because they’re not things I can get on board with.  I shit you not, I turned down $375 two weeks ago because I couldn’t look you all in the eye (not that I actually do because you know…this is the internet) if I made a recipe using an ingredient that would never in my life buy myself.  Sticking to my morals is going to cause me to go broke.

11) I think about 85% of people who claim to be allergic to gluten are just full of crap and looking for attention.  Why not say “I prefer to not eat gluten” or “I feel better without it”?  Why say you’re allergic?  Only about 1% of the population has an actual allergy to gluten (like Celiac).

Your turn folks…what do you have to confession?



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34 comments on “Confessions, December”

  1. Your Merry Christmas post reminded me that I haven’t purged my soul yet!

    So, I usually say happy holidays as I figure it covers all the bases. Apparently this is a cardinal sin. I created a shit storm the other day when I suggested we get a Happy Holiday stamp (for the kids to make holiday cards) to put out at a recent kid’s holiday party that my hubby’s work put on. Apparently it’s Merry Christmas because to hell with anyone who doesn’t share their beliefs.

    Needless to say, I kept my mouth shut through the rest of the party preparations.

    So we decided that we were actually going to “celebrate” Christmas this year (we are not religious, so that means we just gave it to the consumerism side of things). I already knew what I was getting the hubby and it was AWESOME and totally something he wanted. I gave him a detailed list.

    Well, being the heathens that we are, we decided to celebrate 2 weeks early (the following week was our kiddo’s birthday then Christmas so yeah for 3 weeks of gifts!). I got three things, which were all pretty good and non of them from my list. We talked about doing stockings for us from Santa (the kiddo still believes), but I thought we had nixed that idea. Turns out we hadn’t. On Christmas Eve, the hubby comes home all excited because he had gotten the items for his stocking. His. Then was like,”Oh, you didn’t get anything for your stocking? You can go today can’t you?” Ugh. I don’t need a holiday to go buy myself stuff. Sometimes it’s just nice that someone else knows you well enough to get a gift for you.

    Oh well, rant done.

  2. I totally steal from my kid’s piggy bank all the time. I don’t pay him back but he’s 3 it’s not like he actually earned or needs the money. I buy him stuff all the time so I don’t feel guilty. Same goes for his savings account. We’re flat broke right now, that means he is too.

  3. Ha Lisa Y! (I’m a speech path…no I’m not criticizing your speech”). I’m a school psychologist. Guess what I hear all the time. No, I don’t have time to analyze your family, mother, father, etc. If you’re that bad off, I will be calling child protective services though….

    It’s Christmas, the most wonderful time of the year. My 40 plus family members all assume I will continue to serve dinner and drinks and host 20 overnight guests without prior notice. Does anyone come without empty hands? Why No.. Donna loves to host this dinner all by herself. This is why I always stock up on alcohol. Merry day. Now that I have unloaded that I can go on and be the gracious hostess.

  4. I wish I had the same problem about having to turn blog money down! I would love for you to do a blog-tip post where you can teach the rest of us how to become successful bloggers and grow our audiences!

    Oh, and as always you made me crack up with this post! Thank you for entertaining me!!!

  5. 1. I work in junior high and you’d think the kids that age would be really annoying. Well, it turns out I am fine with the kids 99% of the time. But some of the adults I work with drive me nuts.

    2. Yes, I am a speech therapist. No, I am not critiquing your speech.

    3. My kids’ babysitter is baking cookies with them tomorrow and I’m so relieved. Not because I don’t like to bake–I really do like to. It’s just I can’t be trusted with cookie dough or fresh cookies. I have been doing really well eating healthy this holiday season, but that would be my undoing.