Confessions, December

It’s that time of the month again folks.

No, not THAT time of the month.

Confession time!  The post each month where we all say silly scandalous things, and laugh and go about our day.  Let us begin.

1) I’ve talked for years about wanting to write a book.  A cookbook/DIY/gardening, etc., kind of book.  Now there is some weird part of me that wants to have Troy and I on the cover of said book recreating the American Gothic painting.  But I have no idea why this popped in to my head…instead of a pitchfork, I want to hold my dad’s fake leg.

I do fear that something is wrong with me.

2) I swear that boy pee is the stinkiest thing in the whole world.  It’s like toxic waste.  So, when I clean the bathrooms, and Jack’s toilet is all sparkling and smelling clean…I make him pee outside for at least two hours just so I can keep it clean for that much longer.

3) Jack has such long nose hairs that I actually have to trim them.  I can’t handle them.

4) I pride myself on being pretty level-headed and sensible.  I notice the little things that no one else does.  Tiny details rarely escape me.

Which is why it’s so embarrassing to admit that about seven years ago, Troy and I were watching 24.  I sat up towards the end of an episode and gasped “we’re late (for some appointment I can’t recall right now)”!  I started scrambling to get ready to go and Troy looked at me said “we’re not late.  Did you think the time on the TV was the actual time”?

I totally did.  You know how 24 does that “beep boop, beep boop” thing and displays the time on the screen?  I totally took it for the actual time.

5) The other day I needed exactly $2 and I had to steal it from Jack’s piggy bank.  I paid him back, don’t you worry.

6) We keep a plastic cup in the bathtub for rinsing the soap off of Jack, and for washing his hair.  We also brush his teeth in the tub. About six months ago, he started spitting his toothpaste in to the cup.  I rinse it in the sink, but still totally use it on Jack.

7) I always see those “Chive on” bumper stickers and until I just googled it, I had NO idea what it meant.  Living in a state where pot is legal, I assumed it was something drug related.

8) I can’t stand people who talk on their cell phones on speakerphone in public.  Is your arm that tired that you can’t bring it all the way up to your ear?  Is your conversation that important that we all need to hear it?

9) I eat gummy bears feet first and leave their heads for last so that they can watch me devour their tasty little bodies.  I’ve never tortured an animal in real life, so don’t fear that I am some psychopath.

10) I want to kick my own ass on a daily basis for the money I turn down related to this blog.  I get approached constantly for sponsored posts (I write about your product and you pay me cash money), and I always turn them down because they’re not things I can get on board with.  I shit you not, I turned down $375 two weeks ago because I couldn’t look you all in the eye (not that I actually do because you know…this is the internet) if I made a recipe using an ingredient that would never in my life buy myself.  Sticking to my morals is going to cause me to go broke.

11) I think about 85% of people who claim to be allergic to gluten are just full of crap and looking for attention.  Why not say “I prefer to not eat gluten” or “I feel better without it”?  Why say you’re allergic?  Only about 1% of the population has an actual allergy to gluten (like Celiac).

Your turn folks…what do you have to confession?