Confessions – January
Oh friends, it is that silly time of the month again. Wait, that sounds um, personal. No, it is confessions time! We all unburden ourselves of excessive silliness and have a great giggle. Let’s roll!
- As a religious person, I tend to not doubt God’s intent too much. But, for the love of Pete, every time I see a cat, I think “did you really need to make their butthole so prominent”? I mean, that thing is just in your face. What is the purpose of alllllll that?
- There is a VFW branch (chapter?) in town. Any time I drive by it, I always want to stop in and ask why they haven’t dropped the “F” from their name. As far as I know, we haven’t had a non-foreign war in over 150 years. I imagine they must do amazing things as an organization, or at least offer a great deal of support to their members. But, yeah, the foreign part always throws me.
- Dear NFL, I know there is a typical audience for football games, but little kids watch too. If you could cool it with the total creeper Viagra and Cialis ads, I would be much obliged.
- I made cinnamon rolls a few days ahead of Christmas. The recipe I use calls for two rises (it uses yeast), but I just throw the covered pan in the fridge for the second rise and they can stay in there for a few days. You bake the day of and people think you slaved away that morning. Anyway, Troy had to work between the time I made the rolls, and Christmas morning, so I made an extra batch for him to take to work. One of the batches was ugly as hell, so I kept those home. I didn’t want Troy’s coworkers to think I made ugly cinnamon rolls. The ugly batch ended up tasting delicious, but the pretty batch was both photo worthy, and tasty. I have a reputation to uphold.
- I know that part of the paleo lifestyle is eating in the way that our “caveman” ancestors lived. No beans because they wouldn’t have been able to cultivate them and no safe way to cook them. No wheat because it wasn’t around and couldn’t be consumed in present day form. And so on, and so on. I don’t fault anyone for eating in whatever manner they choose. But I always have to laugh when I see paleo blogs using ghee and coconut sugar. So, cavemen couldn’t grow beans, but they had the foresight to milk a cow, churn butter, then heat that butter to remove dairy solids? Dude, I totally understand the need for butter in recipes, and ghee is delicious. I’m not making fun of anyone, but it always gives me a chuckle.
- I don’t like magic. That’s right, I said it. It’s boring and most magicians are creepy AF. Neil Patrick Harris seems to be the exception.
- I feel like Google is trying to make me feel old. No matter what I do, half of the browser windows it opens is at 125% size. And I’m fairly certain it started right after I turned 35. Joke is on you Google; I’ve had terrible eyesight since I was 10.
- It makes me cringe when any recipe has the term “skinny” in it. Like “skinny lasagna” or crap like that. I say this as a person who is naturally fairly slender, so this isn’t a jealousy thing or anything like that. Why does it make me cringe? Because skinny does not equal healthy. I know tons of skinny people who are completely unhealthy. I also know people who may not be a sample size, but they could whoop your butt in a 5k or a spin class. Also, simply adding low-fat cheese or crap like that does not make something better for you. Removing fat or sugar or calories from a processed food, simply means the manufacturer added chemicals or something else to make it taste good. And the whole “low-fat” craze has been known to be junk science since the early 2000’s. Your body needs fat. Just give it good fat. Can we all just agree that a “normal” full-fat lasagna is going to taste better than anything made with processed low-fat cheese? How about you cut your normal sized portion in half, fill the rest of the plate with vegetables, and take a walk around the block afterwards? And use whole wheat lasagna noodles; I promise you’ll never taste the difference. Now, that is the type of “lower-cal” meal I could get behind!