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Confessions – March

With the dawning of spring, it is time to relieve ourselves of silly winter secrets and burdens. Friends, it is time for confessions!

  1. Growing up, I always had those little restaurant packets of saltines in the car with me. Why? I thought that if I had to pee while we were on a road trip, if you ate enough crackers it would “absorb” the pee. Inside your body. No one could figure out why I would squirrel away the crackers and shove them in my mouth during the two hour drive to my grandparent’s. As someone with a tiny bladder, the idea seemed simple enough. And then I learned about how our insides worked, and my cracker assumptions crumbled.
  2. I know I am harder on Jack than I necessarily need to be. Jack has all of the qualities that I dislike about myself. I see him going down the same path that I took for years, and it’s not a fun path. Bossiness, anger, alienating those around you by trying to constantly prove you’re right, etc. I know there is a lot to be said for allowing people to make mistakes, because it is the mistakes we learn from most. But the mom in me and the person who spent years feeling alone wants to protect him from that. Jack and I are so very similar that it is like watching myself walking around with a little dude’s haircut.
  3. I think if men had periods instead of women, menstruation products and brownies would be completely free. Once a month a gratis package would show up on your doorstep stuffed full of supplies, snacks, and tea. And of course you would get at least one day off of work each month to relax.
  4. I’m so thankful that I am a mom. I wouldn’t wish my kids away for anything. And I’m lucky to be able to watch my nephew five days a week before and after school. But there are some days…where I swear if I hear “Mom”, “Aunt Sarah”, or “Mama” one more time, I will scream. Loudly. Just shut up. Please. Just three minutes of quiet is all I need some times.
  5. I have a very intense, very non-sexual crush on the Pope. I’m not Catholic, but I swear this man is just the best. If there were Pope trading cards, I would exchange all others for a “Francis”. This man is able to speak his mind in a way that isn’t rude, condescending, demeaning, hurtful, insulting, or cruel. He stands up for social justice, has a true heart for the people most in need, and all around is just awesome. Jesus taught Christians to take care of those who can’t help themselves. He was friends with the lowliest of people, and healed those whom society would assume deserved it the least. Any time I hear Francis speak or read something he wrote about helping those in our world, I find myself nodding my head saying “yep, uh huh, yep, you’re so right, YES”. This man is the real freaking deal and he’s rad. I would totally cover my Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper with a “Francis Rocks” sticker.
  6. I have a very intense, very sexual crush on Justin Trudeau. Canadians, I get why you use the word “Mountie” so much. Yep. That man is sex on a plate.
  7. We have a soda stream at home, and all of us are big fans of plain sparkling water. Jack and Troy, for whatever reason have the hardest time opening any of the bottles I have closed. It almost makes me feel like the Hulk or something to watch them strain and groan trying to unscrew the cap. And then I giggle inside when they hand it to me to open, and a quick twist and I have it free. I am the strongest beast in this house.

Alright friends, it is your turn to confess silliness. I’ll sit here and eat some crackers while you type….

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9 comments on “Confessions – March”

  1. Sarah – I look forward to this post every month because I relate to so many of your rants. I think your PMS box is a genius new business idea! There are so many mail-a-box companies (doodle crate, blue apron, graze) out there and I’d definitely subscribe to receive tea, brownies and Advil by mail once a month! Let me know if you need a partner.

  2. You and I have VERY different taste in men. I think I threw up a little when I read about your crush on our dorky looking Prime Minister. (Whom I have never met, he may be a lovely person, but going strictly by looks….. *barf*)
    I’ll trade you him for Robert Downey Jr!

    Also, I admire that you keep your giggle inside when you open the SodaStream bottles for the others. I’ve never had any trouble with mine, but I would be roaring like The Hulk and flexing my ‘muscles’ every time I opened it for someone else if I was in your shoes!!!!!
    (Having said that, there is a bottle of jam at the house babysit at that I can NOT get open. For two days now, one of the girls has requested it and for two days I have had to tell her to make another choice because I can’t get the jar opened!!!! (I keep forgetting to mention it to their father). If I finally DO open it, unassisted, you can bet I’ll be roaring, flexing and possibly dancing around their kitchen!

    • See, you’re comparing movie stars with politicians in terms of looks – that isn’t fair! I would trade you a Ryan Reynolds for a Robert Downey Jr though if we are exchanging national treasures.

      I used to work with RDJ’s brother-in-law. At that company, we worked super long hours and rarely saw people outside of the office. That starts to muddle your perspective. When we used to say someone in the company was hot, we would always clarify with “Company name here” hot. So is that person “on the street hot”, or stuck in the office hot. That being said, I still think Justin is on the street hot. I think his wife seems awesome, and just the fact that they seem like normal people makes him cuter. Plus, if you are looking around at global politicians, he’s pretty damn cute. The President of Mexico is damn attractive as well. And kindness makes someone much more attractive to me; Justin seems like he has a good heart. But, if you think he is dorky, I will gladly send you our commander in chief. Sigh.

      With the jam, take the handle end of a butter knife, and bang it around the full edge of the lid about 10 times. It “should” loosen the lid a decent amount. We also have oven mitts with that non-slip material, and those are so helpful for budging stubborn lids.

      • I’m not messing with the jam jar. If it was in MY house, I would just get my bottle opener and gently pry the lid up enough to break the seal. Or wrap a fat rubber band around it for grip, that works 8/10 times, I’d estimate. But with MY luck, I would just smash the jar trying the knife handle trick. The little girl is happy with the marmalade that I AM able to open. One day someone will open the new jam!
        I’ve always thought Ryan Reynolds is a cutie. Ever since I used to watch him in Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (or something to that effect)! I can’t wait for Deadpool 2 to come out!
        I Googled the Mexican president. He reminds me of Agent Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks! AS for King Felipe VI, I Googled him as well. I think the term ‘dashing’ suits him. He looks very dashing.

  3. My confessions:

    1. I can’t find the love for carbonated water, though many of our friends love their Soda Stream. Now, if you add minerals to sparkling water, I’m good for a liter or two a day. But plain bubbly water, or worse, flavored bubbly water, yuk.
    2. I can’t find the love for Justin Trudeau, either. I can find the love for King Felipe VI (then again, my husband has a beard…)
    3. No saltines in my glove compartment, but I do have a small bread knife, small bread board, and a wine screw in there. You just never know.
    4. I wonder about the intentions of people who “Like” every post on my FB page. Do they truly like what I posted? Are they simply acknowledging the post? Am I being patronized? Is it, “Conscious Liking” to send advertisers or recommended pages my way? Should I, “Like” everything they post? Am I in middle school again?

    • I’m a girl who likes a baby faced man, so beards don’t do much for me. I’ll still google King Felipe though! Check out the President of Mexico. He’s not too shabby to look at.

  4. About Justin Trudeau. We understand why people feel that way about him. However, the term “Mountie” is a nickname for our Royal Canadian Mounted Police and if the “Musical Ride” comes to your neck of the woods, go see it. If you don’t get the equestrian bit, you will understand why we call them Mounties!

    • Oh I know what a Mountie really is. I’m laughing so hard right now picturing you right now thinking I am a total ding dong who doesn’t know what an actual Mountie is. I have a Canadian friend and can speak “Canadian”. Toque, garburator, poutine, and Tim Hortons. 🙂

  5. Burst out in laughter at your soda stream post. I too have this issue and my husband seems to think I am ratcheting down on the tops of the bottles just so he won’t be able to open them!!! Then I politely walk over and open it for him. Thanks for a good laugh today!