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Confessions, September

One of my favorite times of the month – confessions!  It’s when I unleash some verbal diarrhea, then you do it, and we all feel great, free, and are ready to move on with our lives.  Let’s go!

  1. I don’t understand the point of fingerless gloves.  At all.  Explain this to me please.  “Oh, my palms are so cozy, but my finger tips are ice cold”.  Huh?
  2. I’m disappointed in this blog author that I read.  I recently started rereading her blog from the beginning and she used to be so funny, and real.  She cursed, she said what she thought, and now she’s just some fake flowery version of her former self.  Makes me sad because those early posts seemed so legit, and now I feel like I’m reading the musings of a mannequin in a Macys window.
  3. I think Troy purposely is terrible at hanging clothes up on our drying rack.  I think he hopes I just say “oh fuck it, you can stop hanging clothes up, I’ll do it”.  I will not give in though, and crappy hanging or not, he has to keep on it.  I’m on to you though honey.
  4. I really hate the end of summer on NPR.  They have all the high school interns who worked there over the summer produce these little segments.  And I’m sure we’re supposed to be super impressed that these kids did such great things, but I just can’t stand their “stories”.  They use every NPR d-bag trick known to man and shove them in to the three minutes they have.  Soft whispering voices, taking huge pauses in-between sentences, and playing music in the background the WHOLE time.  All I can think when I hear them is “future pretentious a-holes”.  And I love NPR, so I guess I’m a pretentious a-hole too.  I’m ok with that, but at least I’m not pretentious with a soundtrack.
  5. Our neighbor is a full-time single dad (ex is no longer in the picture), and he’s a great dad.  He works a ton, and his son is wonderful and Jack adores him.  I invite the little boy over all the time, and I think my neighbor thinks it is because I want to give him a break. That’s nice and all, but the real reason I do it is because his kid plays with Jack and they distract each other so I can get shit done.
  6. I am really sick of people wearing dumb hats all the time.  Almost no one looks good in a fedora, and celebrities who wear those scrunchy wool hats in the summer in Los Angeles to look “cool” make me want to slap an idiot.
  7. We still use a baby monitor for Jack.  He’s five and a half years old.  And it’s a video monitor.  I have no idea why.
  8. We didn’t get a normal ear thermometer for way too long.  I think Jack was three when he finally said “can you stop sticking that thing in my butt please”.  Ooops.
  9. At my six weeks post partum check up after Jack, I had to laugh when my OB asked me what kind of birth control I was using.  I said “um, it’s called having a six week old baby, and still crying when I poop”.  She laughed so hard, and always brings it up at my yearly exam.
  10. Whenever I see a new stories describing a missing kid as “x feet tall and weighing x lbs”, I think “I’m screwed”.  I seriously can’t remember how tall Jack is and how much he weighs.  Go me.
  11. I cannot be trusted to put the lids on leftovers in the fridge.  After dinner, I put food in glass containers for our lunches the next day, and then put them in the fridge to cool down.  I got a 100% on my food handlers permit like 10 years ago, so I remember you’re not supposed to put lids on hot food.  Well, I NEVER remember to put the lids back on them before going to bed.  Troy has to do it; I can’t be relied upon to handle this chore on my own.
  12. When Jack and I walk to the library, he plays on the learning computer, and I read magazines.  I love looking through Cooking Light, stealing recipes, and then using real butter and heavy cream instead of “cooking spray, and non-fat milk”.

Phew, I feel better.  Now it’s your turn!

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38 comments on “Confessions, September”

  1. I’ve never posted here but I love your blog and always read it when I need a good laugh.

    Fingerless are good for work – I have to work outside and I need to be able to use my fingers, otherwise it’s full fingered gloves.

    It drives me nuts when people that go to church just assume that I go as well. Then they look all crazy and confused when they find out I don’t. I’m pretty sure they think I’m the devil.

    I home-school my kids (9 & 5) because I’m crazy 🙂 I work opposite of my husband so one of us is always with the kids (no daycare etc…). I have an MBA that I don’t use and still owe $60k for and all I want to do is stay home with kids 🙁

  2. Ok, Christal, that was awesome! I have a husband who does his and my son’s laundry, is handy around the house, is a great friend, yada yada. I appreciate all that. He is OCD about his work stuff, but leaves used napkins/ toothpicks laying around like relics. Really? I started to stash the toothpicks on his wallet, laying on his phone, etc. So ashamed. He started leaving them for me in places like my bathroom sink, by my purse, like a South Park show…. UGH.

    If you think your children have behavior you don’t appreciate, let me tell you, I am a school psychologist in a large urban school district. Some of these kids are a hot mess through no fault of their own. I have to change my clothes when I get home and my hubs looked at my face Thursday when I was two hours late; he knew it was a crisis and said “Stop! Leave it at work!” . He had to make dinner that night for sure.

    I have always hated wearing hats (for cold weather) bc my hair doesn’t need any more challenges, but I secretly admire those who can pull it off, and wish I could be a girl who looks good in hats. Sorry to the haters.

    Love this time of the month Sarah!!

  3. Many years ago I was seeing a therapist, and I had mentioned at one point that I felt like maybe I relied a little too heavily on alcohol as a social lubricant. I had also recently had my purse stolen at the bus stop. My therapist asked how things were going with the drinking, and I said, “Well, pretty great since I don’t have my new ID yet.” She laughed so hard I thought she was going to pee.

  4. I wear hats all the time, even fedoras and I wear them in the summer.

    neener-neener

  5. I have to make a sad face at your comment about hats. 🙁 If I could, I would live in the day where everyone wore hats and it was stylish to do so. I do think people wearing them with the wrong outfit make them look silly, but life is too short to judge each other on a fashion statement! We should dress how we like and enjoy it! So I happily decorate my head.

  6. Since when it is a sin to be organized and a good planner? I’m getting the feeling lately that several of my buddies are becoming irritated with my OCD tendencies (which are for ME – I really strive not to push it on anyone else, bc I used to work with a biotch that pushed her way on everyone and saw how much everyone else hated her), but I’m in leadership of a group we’re all in, so I figure I can do it with beaucoup organization, and the spontaneous people can just ignore until they feel like getting involved…? Any sense there?

    I don’t know how to mow. Still. Though at this point, it’s almost like I’m just trying to see how old I can get without doing it. Same goes for seeing Star Wars.

    I totally had some road rage yesterday and used words in front of my kids I don’t think I’ve ever used before. Something about getting behind the wheel removes my kid filter. Future carpoolers take note – ha! Hopefully the 3.5yo doesn’t go on repeat at her Baptist preschool today!

    Idk how wives to long-working-hours hubs do it. Mine is uber-involved in household chores and parenting, so when the rare time comes that he’s at work a lot, it sucks sucks sucks!! I’m ready for next week to finally be here!!

  7. I think my husband screws dinners up on puropse (twice in one week). Even when there it’s a recipe or premade ingredients. He also seems to not understand my preschooler’s homework assignments so that, when I get home from working, I have homework and cooking to do. Completely ticks me off.

    P.S. I’m the mom of the other spirited boy. We’ve escalated to a note from the teacher saying he mooned someone today at school. Never ever ever will I figure out where that came from.

    • Oh man, your kiddo is taking it up a notch, isn’t he??? We’re on day four of no bad reports home…all because I bribed him with strawberry milk.

      • We went to the first birthday party of the year and all of the parents were super eager to see if everyone was having the same experience. I was so relieved that we aren’t the only one with behavior issues and incomplete class work. His mooning supposedly occurred after another boy did it. Monkey see monkey do.

    • My husband thinks that if I ask him to cook something that I somehow lose any right to expect him to follow the proper cooking directions. Last night he added couscous to cold water in a pot, then turned the heat on, and kept stirring it while it was cooking. He seems to have no concept of why cooking directions exist. Wtf.

      • I hear ya. I was instructing him how to make a proper roux and told him to stir til it was the color of peanut butter and I came home to something that was the color and consistency of glue.

  8. A friend posted a picture of her 6 month old on Facebook to which someone replied “you are the best parents ever”. Seriously, it’s been 6 months. Anyone can stick it out for 6 months. Let’s see you when you have teenagers.

    • Lol… that is SO true! I think the same thing when a parent of a four year old feels free to judge the parenting style of a teenager’s parent and explains the “correct” way to handle the situation…. I feel like telling them, “just you wait… your time will come. We all felt that way when our little angels were four…”

  9. …Maaaaaybe I bribed the kid to go potty before wetting himself with chocolate once. Too expensive to do more than once, and then also, Sugar In a Toddler is no reward for anyone.

  10. It sounds to me that an equilibrium has been struck, unknowingly. Troy doesn’t get the clothes right, you don’t get the leftovers right. Whaaa? Perfect! Life goes on.