Confessions – September
Ah, confessions time. Been a few months, but it’s still good to unload the soul every once in a while, right?
1. If you have more than one stuffed animal or hat in the back window of your car, I am judging you and assuming you are going to be a terrible driver. Because every time I’m stuck behind some moron on a two lane road, they have either a ton of stuffed animals all lined up, or a collection of hats.
2. What in the world is with all the super short dresses these days? I know I’ve whined about this before in a meal plan post, but holy hell who decided it was cool to flash the beeve all over town? And I see everyone in these horrible things. Whether it looks good on or not, I don’t want to see all that.
Here’s a guide to how to buy a dress LIKE A LADY. If you put your hands to your side, the bottom of the dress should at least reach the tips of your fingers.
Not your vulva.
3. Why are there so many morons riding around on bikes, with helmets on their heads…with the chin straps undone. Not really protecting your noggin, are you? “Oh hold on car, please don’t hit me. Let me attach my chin strap first”.
4. Ok, there are people in my life who are going to think this is aimed at them. It is not. It’s not calling out anyone in particular. It’s more of a blanket statement.
People, clean out your damn cars.
I don’t want to hear about your live in your car, and you have kids, and blah blah blah. Stop being lazy and clean out your f’ing car!!!!
I have already driven 7,000 miles since April. I live in my car. I have a kid. And you know what? I’m not embarrassed if someone were to get in my car. Jack knows that whatever comes in the car, goes back out when we get home. It’s not a dumping ground for crap. Troy is not as good at remembering without encouragement. He seems to think of my car as his personal hoodie holder.
We keep one basket of books in the car for Jack and that’s it. He doesn’t get bored or whine (too often) about lack of things to do. Usually we have to force him to talk to us because he’s so engrossed in the books and comics. Your kids adapt to what you expect of them (most of the time), and mine knows there is no need for a ton of toys in the car. Even as a wee little kid, board books and a few small items were enough to keep him occupied on our 90 minute commute. Yes, 90 minutes.
One of the greatest compliments I ever got from a coworker, was the first time she got in my car. She said “if it weren’t for the carseat, I wouldn’t know you had a kid in here”. Does that mean my car is boring and sterile? No, it means it is CLEAN.
Do a deep clean this weekend. Really get in there and vacuum, detail, and remove all the crap. And then keep it like that. You’ll thank me later…when you don’t catch a staph infection from all the junk rolling around in your vehicle.
5) Dear George Ezra, if I have to hear your song on the radio one more time, I’m going to buy a ticket to Budapest and burn your house down.
To the ground.
6) When I’m super tired, and feeling lazy, I try to use “the force”. I’ll be laying on the couch, and maybe the remote will be far away, or my phone is on a table across the room, I think “hey, maybe this time it will work”.
7) Every week, I have an internal debate with myself about the actual necessity of washing Jack’s sheets. Jack is what you would call “a hyper sweater”. His energy level is so high all day, that when he finally lays down and passes out, his body seems to cool down and expels around 3 gallons of sweat a night. Give or take.
So, when I wash his sheets, it is essentially an exercise in placing clean sheets back on his bed…only for him to sweat on them again a few hours later.
8) I don’t understand Carnation Instant Breakfast. How in the world does that fill you up? I would be punching people angry by 7:30 am if I only consumed a chocolate liquid for breakfast.
9) I don’t get the point of shawls. Like, do you put one on with your fingerless gloves and think “I love when less than 10% of my body is covered and warm. Screw those other body parts”. Educate me dear readers.
10) Mal buns (men wearing buns in their hair).
Your turn. What would you like to confession this month? Let it out!