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Confessions

If you’re new around here, confessions is a time for us to all unburden ourselves of the silliness we’re feeling at the moment. I share dumb things, then you share dumb things, and we all have a better day because of it.

Let’s get started!

Confession 1

If we eat out at a restaurant, I usually pack my own hot sauce in my purse. Some places don’t have what I want, and sometimes they charge you to make your order spicy.

And it’s never hot enough for me. At my favorite teriyaki place I say “don’t make it white girl spicy”, but they always do. They always do.

Confession 2

My husband Troy is a firefighter. This means he trains at work on how to save lives in really creative ways. If your car flew over a barrier and into a ravine, his crew could pull you out with some Macgyver-style rigging of who knows what.

Give them a ladder, some rope, and um, Big League Chew bubble gum and they’re coming in hot to get you to safety.

But, if your life depended on him putting our mixing bowls away correctly in the cupboard, YOU WILL DIE.

Confession 3

I’ve never been behind a PT Cruiser that was actually going the speed limit. Do they tell you when you purchase them that you must drive 5-10 mph below the speed limit?

Confession 4

We made little goodie bags for the kids in Bennett’s class for his birthday. I have a visceral reaction when he brings home all that plastic crap that will never be played with and just adds to the clutter of his room.

So, we did little boxes of crayons, a bottle of bubbles, fig bars, and organic fruit leather. And um, I put in all flavors of fig bars and fruit leathers that my kids don’t like.

Confession 5

You know that song “Me and Bobby McGee” by Janis Joplin? There’s a line that says “windshield wipers serpentine” but I always sing out “windshield wipers turpentine”. Every dang time.

ETA: since posting this I’ve found out I’m STILL wrong about the lyrics. HA!

Confession 6

It drives me bananas on shows and podcasts when people say “jail” but mean “prison”. “This person did this crime and was sent to jail for 10 years”. Nooooooo, they were sent to prison for 10 years. In almost all cases, jails are only intended for people who are sentenced to fewer than 12 months.

In the same vein, nobody (even reporters) understand the difference between an EMT and a paramedic. And I also never knew until my husband became a firefighter/EMT.

For everyone in the back, listen up. An EMT is someone who has been to school for like three months, got a certificate and passed a test. A paramedic attended super-intense training for 1,200-1,800 hours, and then passed a big honking test.

Confession 7

When I was in high school, I worked as a receptionist at a salon that was pretty close to our high school. We accepted walk-ins, which meant people were constantly coming in to schedule a haircut.

Most of the students who came in would say “hey, you go to (name of our high school), right”? Anytime super popular students who were also jerks would come in and would ask for a haircut, I’d ask them for their name, even though I knew who they were. Watching the damaged ego look cross their face brought me more joy than I care to admit.

Confession 8

Have you ever seen this logo on cars or clothes before:

For the longest time, I thought it was HEDI. And then one day I was sitting behind a van that had it on the back window and all a sudden I figured it out. Doy.

 

Ok, friends, your turn! What do you need to confess?

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31 comments on “Confessions”

  1. I am always getting lyrics wrong. I thought forever that Metallica was singing “sad patrol” , but it’s actually “sad, but true. “😅😂

    I find it crazy that a paramedic has to have 1200-1800 hrs of training, but to be a cosmetologist, it requires 1500 hrs and we have to pass a test for the state to prove we know how to cut and style hair. Sanitation is also judged, but 1500 hrs for hair, but 1200-1800 for medical life saving training. Am I wrong in seeing this as crazy. 🤯

    No one in my family knows how to put dishes away correctly. How hard is it to open a drawer or cabinet to find like items then stack them neatly? Seriously!?!?!?!🙉🙈🙊

    I read every night as part of my getting ready to sleep routine. Reading is one of my happy places. Escaping without completely abandoning my family. 😇👩‍👧‍👦📚📖

    My eldest surprised us this last week with dates for getting married and moving out. Feb 28th for wedding at jp, 29th for reception (his mom is planning), and moving the 1st of March. Hotel for the days between marriage and moving. I am so excited, yet so incredibly sad and scared at the same time. How does a mama cope with her babies flying the coop. Yet not having an “adult” child in my house never knowing when she’ll show up, or if a visitor is coming. Should I include them for dinner? Now they can provide for their own selves. Eek!!! Deep breath. 💃😭💃😭

    Is it wrong that I feel bad for forcing my youngest to get braces? Her teeth aren’t horrible, but she has a slight lisp and her teeth protrude at an angle in the front (top), but not buck teeth. She isn’t worried about cosmetics, but I worry about long term teeth wear, tear, and alignment. It also requires we have permanent teeth pulled. 😕🤐

    • I think I prefer “Sad Patrol”!! I’m still convinced that ZZ Tops “Sharp Dressed Man” is “Shy Best Man”.

      Haha, good point on the cosmetology thing! Though I did work as a receptionist at a salon for 3 years and know how badly things can go wrong if done incorrectly. But I definitely can’t say any of it was life-threatening…

      Congrats on the wedding!! Big steps and I’m sure lots and lots of feelings for everyone involved. I hope things go smoothly and everyone is happy.

      We started a braces fund for Jack the second his first permanent tooth came in. I GET IT.

  2. It’s a good thing your commenters explained he>I because I still didn’t get it. We on the east coast don’t have that particular bumper sticker.
    Salon = HAHAHAHa!

    • I guarantee you have them but haven’t noticed them until now. They’re sneaky because they’re not in your face…they just look super generic. Be on the lookout!

  3. He is > I
    1:  always on a car going past me at least 10 mph over the speed limit
    2:  a HUGE help for the math challenged person (me!) who before those became popular could never remember which meant what, and yes I graduated a 4 year university 😉

    • Bwahaaa, I’m the same way! When Jack learned it in school I’m so thankful he never needed help with his homework. That way he wouldn’t have to hear me whisper to myself “the alligator eats the bigger number”.