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If you’re new around here, confessions is a time for us to all unburden ourselves of the silliness we’re feeling at the moment. I share dumb things, then you share dumb things, and we all have a better day because of it.

Let’s get started!

Confession 1

I cannot sear chicken to save my life. If I see a recipe that says “sear chicken in a skillet”, I AM OUT. It always turns out dry even when I follow directions to the letter.

That’s why all my chicken recipes are just like “place it in the Instant Pot” or “add chicken to the baking dish”. NO SEARING! 

Confession 2

It makes me so mad to see celebrities on bikes in Us Weekly or People The Economist riding around not wearing helmets! PUT ON A HELMET, YOU MORON. 

First off, you’re in a city which means there are more cars around, which makes it more dangerous to ride a bike. Second, people are watching; what a great opportunity to demonstrate personal safety equipment. Third, famous people are not immune to head injuries. 

Confession 3

My goal as the mom of two boys is to prevent the next generation of mansplainers. And yet, I still have conversations like this:

Me (making chocolate chip pancakes): I need to go get some more chocolate chips from the garage.
Bennett: Why?
Me: We’re out of chocolate chips in the pantry.
Bennett: You have those little ones.
Me: They don’t work well in pancakes.
Bennett: Yes they do! 
Me: No, they really don’t.
Me: Buddy, it is literally my job to know things like this.

Confession 4

The idea that people are up in arms over mail-in voting leaves me scratching my head. We have been exclusively voting by mail in Washington for 20(ish) years and it is INCREDIBLE. Oh, and it’s more affordable, i.e., it saves tax dollars.

Voting is the right of all citizens and if you can’t protect that right, then meet people where they are. And right now, they’re at home.

Confession 5

All these photos on Instagram of people posting pictures of their bathtubs surrounded by candles and a glass of wine with #selfcare, makes me wish I had a bigger bathtub or I wasn’t 6 feet tall.

Taking a bath in my tub means either I’m freezing from the waist up, or my knees are out of the water the entire time. Neither option is relaxing.

Confession 6

Easily 98% of the time I feel too immature to be a parent. What moron let me have these kids? Shouldn’t there be a test or something?

Confession 7


Ok, friends, your turn! What do you need to confess?

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34 comments on “Confessions”

  1. I feel you on the bathtub thing! I’m 5’5″ and still struggle in a standard tub. Our current rental has a 3/4 and it drives me nuts! I did find a little cover on Amazon that goes over the overflow drain on your tub (it has a hole in the top so you still have overflow protection, it just moves it up a bit). It was under $10 and drastically improved the quality of my baths. Now if only I had a standard length tub again….

  2. Minnesota now allows for early voting, in person or mail-in. I really like the mail-in ballot. It’s so much easier to do this than try to schedule another thing before or after work when you have a school-aged kid. Maybe one day Election Day will be a national holiday, too.

    Why can’t husband/daughter shut the cupboard door when they’ve taken out their bowl/plate/glass/coffee cup?!?! Stop leaving it open. Why do I have to close it all the effen time?!?

    My husband goes back to work full time on Monday, after being furloughed for about a month. Yay! I/We have not gotten stabby throughout his furlough (except see above), although I reached my max of looking at the same four walls for work/home this past Tuesday. I have had to threaten to report him to HR while I’m working.

    Why must I be our foster dog’s emotional support person to go #2 outside? He can’t do it unless a human accompanies him. Someday he’ll be confident to go out by himself. At least I keep telling myself that.

    I hope the driver’s license place reopens soon so my daughter can take her permit test (she finished the drivers ed online class last week). This is the perfect time to practice driving and parking, since no one is at the mall or high school.

    • Not only is it easier, but I feel like I have way more time to research all the issues.

      The cupboard door thing is insanity making. Especially because I walk into them in our low-ceiled kitchen.

      Oh wow, yes, now is the BEST time to practice driving!

  3. I am big on reflective clothing and purchased flashing bands that are reflective for when we walk places and when the kids ride at dusk for various things, like 4th of July fireworks.
    I’ll trade you your shoe bin problem for the TP (new roll) left next to the finished roll – or left me high and dry!
    If one more person in my household slams the cellar door I am going to open a can of whoop ass. Turn the knob and close the door properly. Why? Why? Because slamming that door bothers me. I don’t need a reason to not want to hear the door slam. Just don’t slam it!
    Whenever I cook ANY meat, I get a puddle of water. On Food Network, they don’t. WHY? Plus, their cans of food have no brand on them (snort) (kidding).
    There is a wing at my local large hospital that was all COVID-19 patients that has now reverted to its usual use and I am SO HEARTENED BY THIS!!!! I live on the east coast and we are not gonna get out of here before June, likely.

    • Yay on not Covid wing anymore! 
      Who has a cellar door? I thought those were from like Wizard of Oz era? ????

      I’ll take your  empty tp roll anyday in trade for husband who runs water in shower  for what seems like an hour. I think he’s trying to cover up sounds???? But definitely NOT SHOWERING! And the whole time the pipes thump. 

    • I have a super sexy reflective yellow vest I wear over my clothes.

      How are you cooking the meat to get a puddle of water? Skillet? Oven?

      Congrats on moving somewhat back to normal!!!

      • Typically skillet. But yeah if I just bake it too. Water.Water. Everywhere. It flows. I really don’t think it’s broth. I think they inject the meat with broth AKA water in order for it to be heavier weight for sale. When we buy meat, it has like a diaper in the bottom of the package to absorb some of it. Plus, the packages ooze “juice,” AKA water mixed with blood. (mmm) The packages arrive to the store frozen and they just defrost them in the coolers for sale.

  4. I feel you on the chicken front. I’m notorious for drying out chicken on the stovetop BUT oven baked is my jammmmm. 
    My confession – I always give myself the better something when I’m dishing up dinner ???????? or cutting up apples. Or whatever it is – it’s the tax for me being in charge of the food ????

  5. 1. Most interesting thing I’ve learned during the quarantine. Whipped cream goes very nicely with the last bite of a hamburger on a brioche bun. 
    2. Yes I had a leftover 1/2 a burger for breakfast and was putting whipped cream in my coffee when I figured this out today!
    3. First bath when we moved in our house almost 20 years ago- didn’t realize all the porcelain smoothness was worn off the bottom of my tub. Me Scooching from front of tub to settle in for a nice soak…burns/ribs off ass skin on the scratchy dull bottom of tub. So yes I miss a nice bath, and my ass hasn’t been the same since ????

  6. I work with a 6’3″ dude nicknamed Marine who told me he redid his bathroom and bought a bathtub specifically so that he fit for a soak.

  7. I can’t stand when people don’t use the auto setting for their car lights. It doesn’t save gas mileage or hurt your battery. Set it and forget it so I can see your freaking car at dusk or dawn as I’m bleary eyed driving to work to fill your freaking scripts. 
    Same goes with all these new joggers and walkers. Your adorable new dark colored outfits look so cute as I almost run over you cause you can’t be seen and you don’t hear me cause your listening to something loud while walking/running on the wrong side of the road. 
    If my neighbors don’t do something about their barking dogs at night I swear I’m going to go to their house and offer to assist them feed and water the dogs cause apparently they need assistance. Did I mention this will probably be at 3am?
    Wear your face masks correctly. They go OVER the mouth and nose. Not completely under your chin or on top of your head like a pair of sunglasses. 
    STOP wiping down your credit card. Do you eat off of it? Put it in your wallet and use hand sanitizer on your hands!

    I feel better 😉

    • The mask thing drives me bonkers too. And we’re surrounded by 7 yappy/barking dogs. Please stop with all the dogs!

      I do disagree with you on the credit card thing, but I do it because a renowned infectious disease control doc/epidemiologist I follow via a podcast recommended it. I’ve always been a good hand-washer/sanitizer and never thought of the credit card thing until he mentioned it. I figured he is the expert, so I’m doing it.

      Also, Troy tells me some of the DISGUSTING calls they go on in people’s homes. You have no idea how gross people can be (I’m better off without all the details). I’m fine wiping down the debit card for that reason alone (I’d insert a barfing face here if I could).

  8. 1. I grew up with a Dad and four younger brothers. I have one husband, three brothers in law, sixteen
    nephews and three grandsons. I am mansplained out!
    2. The answers “I don’t know, not me, no reason, he did it or no idea” from children! Enough said.
    3. Peeps that give you vast detail (negative) about what you’ve cooked for dinner. Be grateful for a meal!
    4. People that say they are “Too Busy” to help, donate or pay it forward. Everyone is busy get over yourselves!
    5. Missing church service is a bit sad, streaming is not the same.

  9. Beware! I have two teenaged grandsons who have been manplaining to me since they were you sons’ ages. If you call them on it, they just mansplain that what they are doing isn’t actually mansplaining.

    My solution: I pull age rank on them as in “I have been listening to mansplaining for at least 60 years and, I know mansplaining when I hear it!” Rinse and repeat whenever the lecture wears off and you will have peace and tranquility in your home life. Between my daughter and I we have decreased the episodes of mansplaining down to twice a year. Our goal is by the time they have partners, they will have ceased to even think about mansplaining.

    • Thankfully, Jack is getting much better about the mansplaining. Troy’s thing is interrupting me until I give him a look that would turn him to stone and he shuts up.

  10. I’m with you on the bath, our bath is 3/4 length (shhh hopefully no-one will notice if we ever sell) so baths are not relaxing.

    I live in a cycling city and so many people don’t wear helmets or reflective clothes or even bother with lights which makes it scary as a pedestrian in the winter as well as a driver.