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Confessions. It is good for the soul

It is time to get some things off of my chest.  And thanks to two years of nursing, sadly it can’t be my bra.

-I feel like if I see one more blog showing photos of someone’s house looking like Pottery Barn took a dump all over it, I might explode.  Here is what two patches of my carpet look like, courtesy of the last renters.

 

I love being organized, thanks to growing up with borderline hoarders.  That being said, the bedroom in our basement is a shithole dumping zone.  My desk is a nightmare of crap shoved in every drawer, and most of my garage makes me want to kick a puppy.  Remember that episode of Friends when it was discovered Monica had the secret hoarding closet?  This is my hoarding kitchen drawer:

 Who needs 4,812 neon green and orange chopsticks?  Me.  That’s who.

-I desperately want a house cleaner, but it would likely be wasted money, since I know I’d clean the house before he/she came.

-When I’m sad, bored, or feeling like my life is out of control, I online shop.  I’m trying to be better, and I talked myself off of the ledge the other day from buying a lawn mower on Amazon, simply because my lawn is long right now, and I don’t want to use my push mower because I feel lazy.  And we have a really small lawn.

-I would love to change my blog name, get my own domain, and produce an amazing fabulous site.  However, I’m so lazy right now, the name title would likely be titled “Yoga pants.  Phish Food.  Killing Seedlings.  And Ponies”.  (trademarked)

-Those bears on the Charmin commercials creep me out.

-I wonder why I get so many pageviews, but so few comments.

-I feel like that plastic bag on American Beauty – being tossed in so many directions.  And white.  And flat.  I go from wanting to quit my job and blog full-time, to thinking I should go to grad school because I see no room for advancement at my current company.

-I want wood floors, despite the fact that we could never afford it.  Troy, the man with asthma and who is allergic to everything, wants carpet.  Disgusting, nasty, dust mite love-shack carpet.  Jack got a plasma car for his birthday from his Auntie Anne.  I tried using it as a justification that we need wood floors.

-The weather here is amazing this week.  I saw a man driving a Miata with the top down, and rocking driving gloves.  M’kay.

-Every night, I kiss a sleeping, sweet, wonderful Jack, and promise that tomorrow I will be the momma he deserves.

No later than 6:15 am the next day, I’ve already told him he is driving me nuts.  Go me.

Ahhhh, confession is good for the soul.  That felt good.  Surely, you’d like to share a few things too?

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77 comments on “Confessions. It is good for the soul”

  1. Please don’t feel like your alone! I rarely comment because I use google reader(fuck google for deciding to close this) and our netbook takes forever to go to individual sites. If it makes you feel any better I yelled at my kids and balled in front of my husband while trying to clean up all the overspray and paint he dripprd EVERYWHERE while trying to paint our house( all he had to do was listen to what I said about moving his arm over to far but who are we kidding when i talk it’s like the teacher on peanuts shows Wah wah wa wah wa). Anyway I just wanted to say I apprieciate your posts even though I don’t comment. Yeah you!

  2. Haha! Great post, Sarah. I can soooo relate. I’m not brave enough to share my foibles, but I certainly enjoyed reading yours. LOL!

    Yours is one of my very favorite blogs. Thanks for all the fun reading. 🙂

  3. I love reading your blog and I’m sorry that I never comment! I don’t have my own blog so I feel kind of like I shouldn’t be commenting for some reason 🙂 I applaud anyone who has the balls to honestly put their life out there!

  4. Yay! You’re back…I have been checking eagerly daily to see if you had gotten your laptop. Don’t ever leave us again <3

  5. HI there, see you got comments! What you do have is a lot of readers who lurk. Yeah we checked back every few days to see if your vacation was over. Im glad it is. Maybe you can change the settings so the comments are not hidden. that extra link press is a buzz killer. scrolling down and reading the comments makes me want to chime in. Well not really 🙂 off to lurk some more.

    • I’ve tried everything to make commenting easier, but I’ve reached the limitations that come with Blogger as a platform. That is one of the reasons I want to switch to a privately hosted site, but it would take so much work on my part at this moment.

  6. I’ve been reading for years – not sure why I don’t comment. My daughter loves your veggie hiding smoothie, my mom is Angie from Apothecaring – (I had been bugging her for a long time to send you some tea!), I’ve very envious of all your canning and homemade cooking and I read your weekly menu each week hoping sometime I too will be that organized! I appreciated this post because it’s helpful to see how we are all really similar. We try so hard to make things perfect – but nobody is! I enjoy your reading your blog. I’m glad you are back!

  7. I am right there with ya, sister with nearly everything you mentioned!! And boy, do you have a point with those freaking bears! Nasty bears. Awesome post. Now breathe. =o)

  8. Your blog makes me happy. So, know that you are doing good things for people you dont even know lol I look forward to every post. Confession: I want to blog, but dont even know how to make a header or tabs and links. Go me 😉

  9. Wow, this was just what I needed. As I sit here I feel like total crap because I know how good eating right and exercising makes me feel and yet in the last few weeks I’ve been so lazy and eating total crap and so I just keep feeling worse and to try to make myself feel better, instead of eating right and exercising which I know will make me feel better, I just get lazier and eat crappier. Today was beautiful and sunny and I didn’t go outside and slept on the couch all afternoon and then ate a bowl of ice cream. I feel awful and my boyfriend doesn’t want to go for a walk since it is 10:30. I’m thinking that a big glass of water and cleaning the bedroom might make me feel better -but I just need to get back in control. Hope you feel better too!

    • That has been for the last 6 (ish) weeks. I know I should be out in the garden (my version of working out), but I just can’t seem to pull myself off of the couch.

  10. Welcome back! We missed you…. my dirty little confession is that I secretly enjoy when my teenager is grounded from having friends over….they are great people but I enjoy peace and quiet on the weekend (I work in public schools). I also cannot have a cleaning person because of all the clutter. My house is only truly clean and presentable half an hour before a party.

    Donna R.

    • Donna, not to mention I bet you have more food in the house when they can’t come over!

      My in-laws describe Troy’s friends back in the day like a “plague of locusts”.

    • My son is also a Troy, and boy can those locusts eat! My husband reminds me often that they are eating here and not doing other things….

  11. You are REAL! You are AWESOME! You make me SMILE! Every visit! And I DO comment nearly every time I visit! Most people don’t – for a variety of reasons – but we blog because that’s what we do! It’s not for comments. It is THERAPY! Remember that!!
    Right now I am sitting in the ONE clean room in my house after suffering plumbing problems and having Internet/Cable guy here all day. It gets overwhelming. I know. Think about the next thing you need to do and take it step by step. “Line upon line. Precept upon precept. Here a little. There a little.” Good advice from scripture!

  12. Toilet paper commercials in general freak me out, but those damn bears have me wishing I were running out of the room…if I weren’t too lazy to get up.

    I follow many a blog, but haven’t been reading most of them lately. I never skip your posts though! 😉

  13. Well I see you haven’t lost your spunk!

  14. I’m lazy and don’t like to comment. Also if I do and a couple other people already did the same thing I wont but it’s mostly just an excuse to be lazy. Confession: I scrolled up to reread the post so I could remember what else you talked about that I agreed with. Pretty much everything, but mostly I shop for therapy all the time… I started going to real therapy to try to make things better and keep me from shopping but my therapist keeps telling me about stuff I should buy for my son and its not helping, lol!

  15. You are a inspiration to me. I am in the process of replacing non edible plants with unique edible ones so I can make jams and healthier food for my family. I work full time with a spouse that works opposite shifts. You make me feel like it is totally possible to do everything. I check your blog nightly. Love it and you are so funny. I never comment because I have dyslexia and am always worried about grammar and spelling. Confession is great for the soul. I am a open boat. I will not hide anything from anyone EXCEPT when it comes to my in laws. Thank you for taking the time to share your life with so many people.

  16. I have to say, I love your posts… and now even more. What’s up with all these super moms, that do everything AND their house looks like the pottery barn? This post made my day. Now I can go on ignoring the pile of dirty laundry and go have fun with my child.

    • I know they have a dirty little secret. Their homes must not look so great IRL, or they are robots who hate themselves. Remember, they only show us the photos they want us to see!

    • That is what I was going to say. Right out of frame is a HUGE pile of CRAP.
      I made a post once that included my clear glass sugar canister. I emptied it, washed it and refilled it before taking the picture! On my just-cleaned kitchen counter….. The rest of my house looked like normal. Comfortably lived in. 🙂

  17. Yay! Missed you!!! 🙂

    On theses super-organized homes…I know, right?? And then they post a “Before” photo, and I’m thinking, “Yeah, whatevs!” Their before looks like my after! 🙂

    I love my boy, but within 5 minutes of telling him how sweet he is, I’m ready to jerk a knot in his head! (He’s 5 and very, very active….and annoying….and sweet.) There are weekends that I can’t wait for Sunday to roll around so I can send him back to his daddy. *sigh*

    <3

    • I have friends with girls who complain how crazy they are and I just want to say YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!! Boys are just insane. I thought surely Jack wasn’t normal until I saw other little boys at the park. But Jack is still go go go, and has more energy than most other kids.

  18. Missed you while on your blog vacation. Don’t worry about comments, I think it just comes down to people being to lazy to say anything. Thanks for being real. I feel reassured. 🙂

    • I have to say I don’t like “lazy” reference. Some people love to read and not write. I have to say that is simply the case with me. I read voraciously, books, blogs, back of the shampoo bottle in bathroom. But I have no journal, no lists, and I don’t comment. That is until someone makes a blanket statement that in my opinion was kinda snarky. I love this blog and the fact I checked everyday to see if she was back was me showing my appreciation for all the Sarah is.

  19. Funny about the bears. I actually wrote a story in high school where, the sweet little Charmin bear lured kids into the forest so he could eat them. Yeah, he’s creepy.

    Confession- I have a habit of rearranging my house every few months, but never really finishing the job, so that we end up with piles of junk all over the place.

    I also have a tendency to try to get projects done in the quickest way possible, though I am trying to change. For example, I just bought a big corner desk from an estate sale, but it’s dark brown and makes my living room look small. I pulled out my white wall paint, got 1.5 coats on it and realized the paint was just scrapping off. sigh. Now I have to scrape the paint off and sand the entire thing. Or maybe I can scrape the paint then get different paint that will cover it… Except I already have the stuff to sand it, and repaint it, and new paint would cost more money.

    Oh well, we’ll see what I end up doing.

    About the kid thing. I sometimes feel super guilty cause my 7yo daughter is really well behaved, self-sufficient, and independent. But I still can’t wait for bedtime most nights just so I don’t have to answer all her questions, or “Watch this!” for the hundredth time.

    • Tina, you sound like me with projects! Most of the time I say “fuck it, good enough” and make some fabric to cover the top of it. It drives Troy nuts, but I want to say “you do it then”!

      Your daughter sounds like a dream come true, but parental quiet/alone time is mandatory for sane parents.

  20. Oh, and I totally feel you on the commenting thing. I actually E-MAIL each and every post I wtire to my family (we don’t facebook), and still I might get one comment on my posts. Grrr.

  21. I love your site and read often 🙂 Confession for the day: I am glad you have a kitchen junk drawer like mine, it makes me like you more since a woman who cans and makes her own sodas makes me feel useless as a person.

    • LOL, I do those things because it saves me money, not because I like it. If you’ve read my canning posts, you know how much I loathe it.

      Want to see my desk drawers? :shudders:

  22. Sarah, I adore you. No, I f*ing love you!! Think I will become a creepy online blog stalker, K? 🙂

    Thank you for always bravely putting yourself out there so the rest of us don’t feel so alone. I’m a Virgo….a Virgo with ADD. I have all these awesome plans, get everything ready that I need to do it, get started and…..get bored. Either I finish it in a half assed way or it just doesn’t get finished because I get distracted by a shiny squirrel and forget I ever started it. Heck, we put laminate floors in the house 5 years ago and STILL don’t have the baseboards back up….ugh!!!!!

    Today I have a list of things to accomplish before my 55 hour work week starts tomorrow. I will probably start about half of the list, if I am VERY lucky one thing will actually get finished. **sigh*

    • I don’t know much about signs, but I’ll take your word for it that being a Virgo with ADD must be a bit scattered? Who needs baseboards? Baseboards are for the 1%. LOL

  23. I love your blog. I use tons of the recipe and F.A.R.T.S are my favorite.
    My confession is, I’m in grad school and I use house cleaning as procrastination. During finals, my house is impeccably clean, but my papers go unwritten.
    All this talk about boys being crazy scares me. My husband and I are about to start trying for kids and I want a girl so much!
    I want a house so I can finally start using some gardening tips.
    Power through it sister! You got this!

    • I am the same way at work. If I have a big presentation coming up (like tomorrow and Tuesday), I will spend the time cleaning my office. We’re talking trimming the leaves on my plants, dusting, everything!

      Boys are INSANE, but wonderful. I’ve been told they’re harder up front, but you’ll be thankful for a boy when they hit 11 or 12

  24. My confession: I stalk your blog on a daily basis and hardly ever comment because I’m afraid you will think I’m creepy.

  25. I love love love your blog! I subscribe to about 50 blogs -cuz that’s what you’re supposed to do, right? Yours is the only one I read every single time you publish. I love that you talk about going to church and then say fuck it in the next paragraph. I love that you express your true feelings about motherhood. I love that you have a handle on meal planning, I hope some day to get there. I’m challenged with feeding the community of tape worms that must live inside my husband, but I swear I’ll get the budget figured out. Thanks most of all for being real and having the balls to share it.

    • Awww, thank you!!!

      I think your tape worms needs a city name. Like “tapetopia” or something. IF there is a whole community, they need a decent place to live.

  26. Haha the Miata that you saw, was it blue? Sounds like my boyfriend if it was 🙂

  27. Charmin Bears…I agree with you. I hate how they always talk in poo-poo inuendos. :-p

  28. I totally feel you on everything. I too get a lot of page views and seriously my mom is the only person who comments. Occasionally a new person or a friend does, but it is so weird. I love your blog and I am sorry I don’t comment more often.

  29. love the confessions! commenting, so you know i’m not a lurker….now if it will just post!

  30. Man, everybody loves you! I don’t think I’ve ever told anybody that I keep a rock from the funeral of the eight year old who died of brain cancer – Eli’s cousin from LA. Whenever I think I’m not doing well or something’s not going right I hold the rock and remember what’s important. I keep it in my purse always, even when I change purses for a night – and when I get a flash of it, it reminds me to reset my priorities and my mind.

    xo

    • Ahhh Anne, I never knew that. What a great message and a reminder.

      And I’ve seen your tiny purses; that must be very special to you.

      xoxo

  31. Loved it! thanks… I am constantly wondering how I can get more comments on my FB page too! I have only just subscribed, but I enjoyed your last post or two! new to this blogging concept… I know, where have I been?

  32. I am so technologically behind, it’s not even funny. I follow blogs but don’t often comment because I don’t really know how. Is there a commenting for dummies? I could also use Pinterest for dummies, too. I love your posts, especially this one. My house still has generic contractor paint on most walls. I’ve had paint chips taped to my bedroom walls for three years. My spare bedroom is where I throw all the stuff I’m putting in the yard sale that I’ve been meaning to have for over ten years. We’ve lived in our house for three years and still haven’t done anything to the backyard. And the charmin bears? OMG, I hate them so much. I won’t even buy charmin with a coupon because of them. Glad you’re back…and glad to read your confessions.

    • Another confession: I don’t really understand Pintrest. No clue how to use it.

      Commenting on blogs are different depending on the platform. Blogger, which I use is probably the stupidest, least user-friendly. So consider yourself accomplished for commenting!

      I think you should post the paint chips, and we’ll all decide for you. Done and done! ;-D

  33. im a big fan!! you could call me a lurker(someone mentioned that above. im on my kindle and its not that easy . i can relate to you on many levels. my husband is a fireman/paramedic near chicago. he was in paramedic school when i had our daughter and it was exhausting and we were low on $$. i felt like a single parent. things will get better, eventually, its like crawling out of a deep hole, suddenly your like how the hell did i get in a hole?!?!? wtf.. love your language by the way its nice that your uncensored. My daughter is 19 months and getting allergy testing on weds, so many issues, its bad because im excited for answers… when did you find out for your son?

  34. Loved the honesty. It’s so refreshing! I’m with you on the “you’re driving me nuts” to the kids 4.2 seconds after I vowed to myself to never, ever say it again. Oops!

  35. – The Burger King mask guy is creepier to me than the bears, but not by much.
    – I realized today that buying a new drying rack does not count as doing laundry.
    – I have that exact same hoarding drawer in my kitchen.
    – Are blog names like drag names or stripper names?
    – What’s under your rugs? Is a laminate or something a possibility?
    – I could live with the confessional becoming a monthly feature. More like this, please!

    • OMG, the Burger King guy!

      I want a helper monkey to hang my laundry for me. And fold it. And put it away. I have no problem putting the clothes in the washer, but the rest. Meh.

      If blog names were like stripper names, my new site would be called “Skookie Branson”.

      It’s just subfloor. Nothing special sadly.

      Done and done!

  36. Long time reader, long time lazy comment writer here! I read in my email feed on my phone… will work to improve my lame efforts!
    Love your work 🙂

  37. Hi, Sarah. I’ve been reading your blog for a couple years, but I’m a lurker – probably only commented 3 or 4 times. I read your posts Monday-Friday mornings when I get to work. It’s a bonus on Mondays because I get your weekend posts, too!

  38. I just stalk because it’s fun, and I’m the kind of person who nods or shakes their head while on the phone and expect the other person to understand. I also talk too much and think telepathy really does work!

  39. I generally don’t comment anywhere because I’m always afraid my comments will sound dumb. Or someone will have just made the exact same point, but more eloquently, and I missed it.

    My confession? I’m terrible with money, and my unfortunate money habits and unfortunate diet habits are pretty much the same thing. If I’m extremely vigilant about keeping track of my spending or my eating, I can do OK. But if I slip once, it’s like all bets are off and it just snowballs. And I can’t seem to do both at the same time, which is why I’ve been eating well and even exercising lately, but I have $17 to last me until payday.

  40. I’m a a quasi lurker.. although I have posted a few comments here and there when it strikes me. But I almost always read (96% of the time) your blog. The only reason I might not.. is if I am in email overload and just don’t have time. I want to hire a house keeper also.. I even brought it up to my husband once.. but that idea got soooo slammed down it wasn’t even funny. I would have found the money in our budget for it. So that isn’t the problem. The problem is he doesn’t want anybody (strangers) in our house touching our stuff (it isn’t like we have nice stuff). I feel soo overwhelmed and unhappy with the cleanliness and tidiness of our house it isn’t even funny. But there isn’t enough hours in the day for me or him to tackle it (not that he would truly see what needs do be done) along with everything else that HAS to get done. So our house always gets put on the back burner.

    We have 16 rental properties. So it always seems like they are getting cleaned, but it is much easier to clean and paint an empty house. I work full-time and handle the rents, books, taxes, deposits, showings, move-in, and move-outs, he is a SAHD that gets our 6 and 8 yr girls off to school everyday (with packed lunches), gets them from school, rehabs any new properties we buy (1-3/yr), does the cleaning, repairs and painting at turn-overs, and handles on-going maintenance issues at the other properties.

    The true reason I am overwhelmed is we just have off a 4mon rehab where I try to get home from work as soon as possible so that he can leave to go work on the rehab. I try to give him every spare moment. So then the girls travel with me with whatever I have to do. Then we had tax HELL!!! And at the beginning of April we had one house abandoned and 2 tenants turn in 30day notices and the 4mon rehab was just finishing up. So that meant I had to figure out how I was going to deal with the abandon property and get possession back (without getting sued). Finish the stupid taxes without filing an extension. And get ready to advertise and show 4 place. Do you know how many calls 4 open places will generate!!! I am soooo sick of talking to people. In addition to missing case flow from 3 places that were rented that was helping to float rehab costs.

    And of course during this time our house has slid into a pit because I haven’t had the time to do anything other than the basics and nor has my husband. The basics entail no rotting dishes in the sink, the trash taken out, food in the frig, and semi-clean clothes since everybody is responsible for their own laundry.

    Here is the true confession… Yes I lost it. I make my 6 (kindergarten) and 8 (2nd grade) yr old do their own laundry. I refuse to do it. After the 3rd time of them sending clean clothes down in their dirty laundry basket, I told them if they didn’t care enough about their clothes to make sure that they got put up then they could take care of it all themselves. So really I lost it 3 time and the final time I carried through with my threat.

    I would also like to throw out about half of the crap in my house. And 3/4 of the girls’ crap. I am drowning in CRAP.

    I didn’t mean for this to get sooo long and I went back and decided to post anonymous instead of deleting it all.

    • Holy shit girl, you must be exhausted! I hope the light at the end of the tunnel is near.

      If it makes you feel better, my sis and I did chores at about the same age. We had to do everyone’s laundry, and even cooked dinner occasionally. I think it is great that they are participating in the household!

  41. I check your blog every day, but rarely comment. I try to apply the THINK thing (is it True, is it Helpful… I forget the rest except for Kind, usually I’m shutting up afte “helpful” –> I’m a very truthful person, but sometimes too much so: it doesn’t help or isn’t kind to hurt people, just for the sake of the truth :))
    Anyway, I love your blog. I can’t really identify to your life, as I am French, live in a ridiculously small flat in Paris (hint: no garden), and have no kid nor husband. But your life seems fun and you have great ideas.
    So keep up the blog!
    Take care!

  42. Love your blog. Blame the weather. My garden isn’t in cuz it would have froze. Crazy weather. Sometimes life just drives us nuts.

  43. Love, love, love your blog and try to comment often. I know that when I put the effort into blogging, it makes me sad to not get comments either. I have a four year old boy and I am starting to get worried about summer coming and what I am going to do to entertain him. Currently, he just fell asleep and I should be cleaning the kitchen but I am 10 seconds away from a nap! Great post and I think that we almost all feel like that most of the time!!

  44. Sarah – you are too hard on yourself. Seriously, most of us that read you stand in awe over what you do! Take it from me…life is too precious and fleeting to be worrying about what you worry about!

    But I will say, you had me laughing down the whole list!

    • Jaye, I’ve been thinking about you so much over the last few weeks. I hope are finding glimpses of light. You’re in my prayers.

  45. I love your blog and feel really bad that I don’t comment more. But please don’t feel unappreciated. I really look forward to your post.

  46. Love the confessions! In my posts I try to list out what went WRONG! I’m with you, if I read too many perfect posts about how amazing someone’s meals are or how perfect their kids are, I start to feel inadequate. I scream at my kids, eat too many frozen pizza’s, don’t get enough sleep, and always have a to do list a mile long. It’s good to read your post and the comments and not feel alone!

  47. “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh. One of my most favorite quotes. Thank you for beinging so brave as you share many of your most inner thoughts, most of us would probably not dream of doing this!

  48. I’m very bad about lurking but love reading your blog. I’ve even made the hand lotion bars for Christmas, they were a big hit.

  49. So were talking confessions, eh? This past year has been CRAZY! My job duties changed drastically, forcing me to become glued to my desk all day and thus gain ten lbs, we (not by choice)became a single income family because my husband (who gets paid literally once per year after all the bills are paid from the business) did not get paid for the 2012 year because one of his customers decided that after the project was finished they could not pay the bill-ANY of it- not cool. We are in a little deeper than we are ok with financially. Thank you Sarah for being frugal, you inspire me to get my ass out of bed in the AM and strive to be better.

    Also- This made me laugh, so I thought I would pass it on

    My 3yr old daughter says to her pregnant aunt, who is only 26wks along

    “Hey Aunty Mandy- ur belly is getting really big…..(pause)…..just like that lady’s butt at school”

  50. I get a ton of page views and very few comments on my blog as well… Wird phenomena.