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If you’re new here, welcome! Confessions are the posts where we unload pure silliness onto the world to unburden our souls and have a few laughs.
- I can’t tell you how many times someone has said “oh I saw you at (fill in the blank store) the other day, but I didn’t say hi. You looked like you were on a mission”. People, that is just how I walk. I walk quickly ok. Walking with purpose isn’t a bad thing. Stop laughing at me because I’m a fast walker. I don’t judge you for being a slow walker.
- I just lied. I totally judge slow walkers. OMG, get out of my way. And if you want to walk that slowly, at least move to the side of the aisle. And so help me God if you’re going to be pokey, move your damn cart out of the middle of the Costco aisle. I don’t think I own the store or walking paths. But I do think we all need to pull our heads out of our own asses and realize that there are other people around us. And being a butthole and blocking aisle is a dick move.
- How do you sleep in pants? No seriously, how do you do that? My legs would feel like they are suffocating in the sheets and the fact that they would get tangled up would drive me absolutely i-n-s-a-n-e.
- I don’t understand the term “Friendsgiving”. Why can’t it just be called Thanksgiving? The day is about celebrating with those you love and being thankful for our relationships. Isn’t that basically what you’re doing at “Friendsgiving”? Why does it need its own name?
- Have you ever noticed that most grocery stores have an aisle label that says “International” and then another label that says “Asian”? Why isn’t Asian considered part of the International cuisine? I need to know because I can never figure it out.
- Jack, Bennett, and I take a daily gummy probiotic. There seems to be a pink grapefruit flavor, lemon, berry, and grape. Jack and I find the lemon boring…so that is the only flavor we give to Bennett. He thinks he is getting candy and is so pleased with himself every morning.
- All of the celebrity perfume/cologne ads creep me out. That one where Johnny Depp buries all his stupid jewelry in the desert confuses me. And the Gucci Guilty ads with Jared Leto make me want to immediately take a shower. My eyes feel so unclean. Out damn spot, out.
- I don’t get bullet journals. Is it a journal? A list? What is it?! I love making lists and taking notes, but the pictures of these I see on Instagram makes me think they are multi-purpose or something. Please tell me!
- I really like the movie Open Range. I don’t like westerns, but this movie is fabulous. Starts slowly, but holy smokes it is fabulous.
- When I was in sixth grade I played Tonya Harding in a school talent show. Boom.
Ok, there you go! Your turn. What do you need to get off your chest?
100% pants to bed. No dang way
100% get out of the dang way. I have pushed my kid out of my way. Just a nudge and death stare. Not full force tackle, although i wanted to.
When Jack is shopping with me, the constant refrain of “single file Jack, we’re not the only ones in this store” ring out constantly.
Old people and stupid people at the grocery store make me crazy. The ones that park their carts sideways in the aisle to walk away from it to go look at something. Seriously?
Yeah, I don’t get a bullet journal. I’m not a journaler. Those are called notes.
School activities that start at 4:30. That may have worked in the 50’s when parents didn’t work but hey, I have this thing called a job. Same for workout classes only offered at 10 am.
Very right about the start time for things. It’s ridiculous.
I worked from 7:25am – 4 pm at my last job and I worked 45 minutes away from home. I would work late 1-4 times a week and the largest employer in my region would release their workers onto a two-lane road right when I got off of work. I swear on days when I had to be somewhere for Jack’s school at 4:30, my butthole would be puckered the entire drive home just trying not to die.
I love the confessions are back. I wish I could bullet journal but I’m too much of a perfectionist.
1) My husband gets zoned when he’s driving and will sit in the left lane. I think he thought that just because he’s going above the speed limit, he belongs there. My head will follow the cars as they pass us (on the right) until I’m staring at him.
2) I hate when I’m reading something with someone and they start reading out loud. I’m way past that part. Just stay in your head.
3) I really want to learn how to sew specifically to repurpose other garments to make clothes for me and my daughter.
I don’t suppose your husband would consider letting you drive? Or would accept being squirted by a bottle of water (you) any time he spaced out?
Lol! Having a squirt gun is quite the temptation. Stop putting ideas in my head. I like to read while he drives and he is an excellent driver otherwise. My foot is a little heavy when I’m on the interstate.
I mean it works for cats, right? 🙂
Yes to fast walking and impeders. Gtfo of the way!
On Friendsgiving, I’m going to say for me, that Thanksgiving has always been with family. We have zero family nearby now, so calling it Friendsgiving maybe is a coping mechanism to work through some disappointment that it just isn’t the same as the years of yore?
My confession: just now realizing after living here for 18m and being completely clueless my entire life up until then that where I live is considered the least welcoming metro area to the Black community in the country. That’s white privilege, folks. I honestly didn’t know. :-/
Where do you live Lauren?
Never heard of a bullet journal. Agreed about the “walk on the right” ppl. And I tell my kids – who are teens now – “walk behind me or ahead of me, but no beside me. There are ppl who want to pass and you are not alone in the universe.”
Ew what is up with Johnny Depp. He is GREASY. That is NOT sexy. Take a shower and wash out that grease and SHAVE. Grunting at me is not SEXY.
I secretly wish I could just slam all the wavering cars on the highway whose drivers are texting – ala bumper cars. I don’t wish anyone injury. I just want big dents that are expensive on the side of their cars and no harm to mine (in my magic world). Great big, ugly, dents. Oh, with spray painted, “I was texting when I should have been driving,” on the rear of the car. Hey, it’s my magic world.
He is the greasiest!
I also have fantasies of just pushing cars out of the way. No one gets hurt but it feels so satisfying while my car gently nudges them.
My husband chewing (the sound of him eating) is driving me insane. Like I make my phone ding a message from work and leave the table to get away crazy!!
I hate people constantly sniffing and snorting their nose this time of year. JUST. USE. A. TISSUE.
People salting their food without even tasting it.
The salting of food drives me bananas too!
When I was sitting in a particularly boring Civics Class in high school (1973 or so. I’m sure Civics class is much more fun to participate in now a days) I learned the alphabet starting with “a” and saying every other letter.
Upon becoming proficient with that string of the alphabet, I then Did the same thing beginning with the letter “b”.
30 years later I can still recite the alphabet in this manner!
Do you ever get confused with the real alphabet and your made up one?
I’m happy to see Confessions too!
1. Stop judging me for swearing – I don’t swear in front of your kids. Swearing is just semantics–saying oh snap, sugar, oh stuff is the same thing as saying “oh sh**!!! Get over it!
2. Dinner is a relative term sometimes. Let’s face it some days dinner is great and some days I am just lucky if the kids stuff some of the food into their little pieholes!!
3. Please stop texting or yakking on your phone in the middle of I-95 because doing 45 in a 70 mph zone in the left lane makes me want to run you down!
4. Yes (I too) am on a mission when in the grocery and out and about, and just because I am 5’1” doesn’t mean I can’t haul ass down a sidewalk or a grocery aisle!
5. Please stop sending all the kids on the block to my backyard every day that school is not in simply because I have more children than you do! Enough already! Take turns people, take turns!!
I serve my family popcorn once a week, so I fully support dinner as a relative term!
I missed Confessions so much! I’m glad it’s back!!
Here are mine.
1. I judge slow walkers too. Unless you’re walking on the right hand side. Because (in my mind) that’s where the slow lane for all forms of motion should be.
2. I think people who don’t put their shopping carts back should be fined. Heavily.
3. If I never ate another vegetable in my life, I would be completely content.
4. I think most TV is a waste of time, but can get lost on the Internet for hours…
I like vegetables, but I completely agree with you on the rest!
I too want to know the answer about the bullet journal… I just don’t understand.
Confession: The Blunstone boot trend annoys the life out of me.
I googled these boots and I don’t get it. I don’t know if I have ever them in real life.
Those boots are like minimalist Doc Martins. Back in the Stone Age cough*1971-ish*cough, I wore work boots like this https://www.wolverine.com/US/en/moc-toe-6-inch-work-boot/018465263427.html?CID=MAR-Wolverine-G-Shopping-Moc-Toe-6%22-Work-Boot&CAWELAID=120143770000056874&CAGPSPN=pla&CAAGID=40140732181&CATCI=pla-326153001348&gclid=Cj0KCQiAkZHTBRCBARIsAMbXLhFrcd1M5Gc9j44hGbUK0IrGbqLDJPm_004ZK4u8D-x6i8HHk9mtWysaAu7pEALw_wcB because I thought they were cool and quirky (and weird) and shortly after that hiking boots became the fad and I was soooo excited. I was, however, 5’10’ and weighed 114 lbs no matter how much or how often I ate, so I was plagued by all sorts of Olive Oil comments. High school can suck sometimes.
Ha and lol! I went as Olive Oyl for Halloween one year. #thestruggleisreal
Blunnies are awesome!! But then I am Australian – it’s probably an Aussie thing! I wore them everyday for about 5 years 🙂