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Confessions, August

It always cracks me up that bloggers present this perfect version of themselves.  I’m sure we all want to believe that we’re like that, but it’s not realistic, nor is it believable.  In that vein, here are my confessions for August:

– I thought the Florence and the Machine song “Dog Days Are Over” were “The Dark Days Are Over”, and I actually thought it was written for The Hunger Games movie.

-I have to pee three times before bed.  My routine is as follows:
a) pee once, go check on Jack.  Get in bed
b) immediately get out of bed, and go pee again.  Get back in bed.
c) Go pee the third time, and promise myself this is the LAST TIME I’m peeing.

Troy calls it my “threepeet” (rhymes with repeat).

-Jack is so dramatic and is such a loud crier if he gets so much as a scrape, that it actually embarrasses me when we’re in public.  I just want to shout “get your shit together and sac up man”.

-When we lived in Los Angeles, we loved the series Nip/Tuck.  For about two years, I couldn’t wash my face unless the door was closed because I was convinced “The Carver” was coming to get me.  Now, The Carver only carved up models, and I know I didn’t fall in to that category, but I thought perhaps he might take a chance on me anyway.  Just in case, the door was firmly locked.

-In a parking lot, I refuse to walk between two vans/SUV’s because I always think the doors will open and someone will snatch me.

-I hate the words panty and titty, so when I was breastfeeding, Troy called my reusable breast pads “titty panties” just to mess with me.  It makes me laugh now, but it wasn’t always funny at the time.

-I refuse to use pens at the front counter of any business, bank, doctor’s office, etc.  GROSS!  Think of all the people who don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom, and then they go and use that pen.  I keep a pen in my purse, and bust that sucker out whenever I need to sign anything.

-I really want to redesign my blog, and maybe come up with a different name.  But honestly, the work involved in that exhausts me from just thinking about it.

-If Jack says “why” one more time after I tell him to do something, I’m tempted to yell “because I fucking said so”!!!! I won’t of course, but man, the temptation is always there.

-After I had a two week vacation, I was so sad to go back to work, that I had Troy get a copy of health benefits from his EMT job.  I almost cried when I saw the cost of insuring just the three of us through their company.  It would have taken Troy’s ENTIRE paycheck, just to get cut rate health coverage.

-Almost every morning, when my alarm goes off at 4:30 am, I really want to quit my job and blog full-time.  However, the health insurance issue (above) remains, and honestly, I feel like what if I actually did get the chance to stay home and blog, and I might freaking suck at it.  What if this is as good as it gets, and having more time to devote to it, results in absolutely nothing?  That thought gives me the boob sweats.

-Troy’s current work schedule is not sustainable, and I know that soon something will have to give.  And no matter how I work it over in my mind, it is going to require me to work harder (more paid posts, articles, potential affiliations, etc.) so that he can reduce his hours.  I’d be happy to have him around more, because frankly our family life is just so stressful right now.  That being said, I feel like I’ll be resentful that I’m going to have to work harder so that he can work less.  It makes me feel guilty for thinking that, but I’m just exhausted.  We’ve been married for nine years, and Troy’s never had a conventional work schedule, except for 11 months (and he was so miserable at that job).  I’m just exhausted.  I want normal.  I want predictable.  I don’t want to be a single mom anymore, and I don’t want my kid crying because his dad isn’t around anymore.  I’m OVER it.

-I bought a Ghiradelli chocolate and caramel bar to use for an ice cream recipe that I conceptualized in my head.  Unfortunately, I ate it all in one sitting before I got the chance.  Whoops.

Care to share any confessions of your own?  It feels so good!

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53 comments on “Confessions, August”

  1. I am rereading your old posts to celebrate your great news this month. Such good reading! I saw this post about your insurance options with Troy. Insurances. It’s why I work. My hubs is self employed, he had a medical crisis last week …ER, admitted, etc. My SIL saw my copay for the admission….300 bucks. She works for this hospital and has a 2500 dollar deductable. I picked up a prescription today…85 bucks, 25 after insurance. This is why I work. My hubs is fine, we don’t have to eat dirt to pay medical bills. All is good. Always thinking of you at these times.

    • I’m sorry to hear about your husband, but am glad he is ok. I really really hate insurance, deductibles, and feeling tied to something just for benefits.

  2. Ok, Here are a couple of confessions–I have actually dropped the “F” bomb on my kids on more than one occasion. I don’t mean to, it just slips out from frustration. They know that I don’t like to do this and am working to stop…phew

    I love scary movies, and don’t typically scare easily when watching them. Sometimes though, when I am turning off all of the lights, i just get creeped out and end up running up the stairs as fast as I can w/o looking behind me.

    Bernadette Johnson–I’m pretty sure you and I are related or something..most of that list could have been mine.

    One of my guilty pleasure movies is Grease 2.
    When I was little I wanted to be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader or a Princess. Sadly, I am neither.

    Sarah, you are awesome. I love being able to come to your blog for a dose of reality and humor. All the best to you.

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  4. Oh my God – I think we were separated at birth. In all honesty, today is the VERY first time I’ve ever seen or heard of your blog. I was googling “frugal” and really, your blog was down on page 2, but it looked intriguing so I gave it a shot. You have gained a new follower and fan, for you had me at “boob sweats” 🙂 Cheers to you, and I look forward to more! -Dee

  5. I love you. With you writing skills and sense of humor you could write a very successful book….in your spare time!

  6. I love your blog! It’s probably the only one I consistently read, even if I am not interested in the topic really. You could have a recipe for something I don’t like, will never make, etc, and I will still read the entire thing.

    I really enjoy these confessions. I keep laughing about the van thing… seems a lot of us have that fear. I think that must have been a warning when we were kids or something. I vaguely remember my mom saying something like that.

    Here are some of mine:
    *I am scared of the dark, especially the outside dark. I hate taking my dogs out late at night because I always imagine spooky things in the dark, but it’s embarrassing to admit it to anyone.

    *The Carver kept me up for almost a week straight. I almost quit watching the show, but I just couldn’t.

    *Sometimes at the end of the weekend, I am so ready for my husband to go back to work so I can have the house back. And get it clean again. I immediately feel guilty because I do enjoy spending time together.

    *I sometimes don’t respond to an e-mail, text or something on Facebook because I don’t want my friends to know I am available and then try to call me. I go through whole days of not wanting to talk on the phone at all. I usually say the baby was sleeping, but really, I was just enjoying not thinking about anyone else for a bit.

    *I also hate people reading over my shoulder, but I can’t help but read over other people’s shoulders. I am so darn curious as to what people are reading.

    *I love to read, and I stalk friend’s Facebook posts that ask for book suggestions. I ready all of of the comments and take note of any that look interesting.

  7. I wish I could pay you to blog, because you are my favorite.

  8. I love your blog, although I have to admit (because I work full time and my youngest who lives with me (also works full time) and is 23) I rarely cook dinner, it takes so much effort to shop, prep, cook, clean and when I do shop, I throw too many spoiled groceries away. So I try my best not to over shop; but I sometimes feel guilty about no longer being “suzy homemaker” since the kids left for college (been divorced 13 years). My other confession…I love reading blogs!

  9. Sarah, honey, you are sooo refreshing. I’m way past the mommy-thing, but your blog brings back old memories. I remember thinking that I really didn’t want to run away and have that hanging over my head, but….If I had about 6 months of amnesia, THAT would be awesome because I wouldn’t worry about my kids, or husband or anything else. I would just enjoy being nobody. LoL! I’m working on a blog and as soon as I figure out how to get the freaking pictures to load, I’ll be on like donkey-kong! Today’s title would be: Mamma Says: Sometimes ya gotta fake it till ya make it! Can I get an Amen? Hang in there Babe! Time flies and the silence comes too soon. ~~Vera