First Time Visiting? Start Here!

Confessions, August

It always cracks me up that bloggers present this perfect version of themselves.  I’m sure we all want to believe that we’re like that, but it’s not realistic, nor is it believable.  In that vein, here are my confessions for August:

– I thought the Florence and the Machine song “Dog Days Are Over” were “The Dark Days Are Over”, and I actually thought it was written for The Hunger Games movie.

-I have to pee three times before bed.  My routine is as follows:
a) pee once, go check on Jack.  Get in bed
b) immediately get out of bed, and go pee again.  Get back in bed.
c) Go pee the third time, and promise myself this is the LAST TIME I’m peeing.

Troy calls it my “threepeet” (rhymes with repeat).

-Jack is so dramatic and is such a loud crier if he gets so much as a scrape, that it actually embarrasses me when we’re in public.  I just want to shout “get your shit together and sac up man”.

-When we lived in Los Angeles, we loved the series Nip/Tuck.  For about two years, I couldn’t wash my face unless the door was closed because I was convinced “The Carver” was coming to get me.  Now, The Carver only carved up models, and I know I didn’t fall in to that category, but I thought perhaps he might take a chance on me anyway.  Just in case, the door was firmly locked.

-In a parking lot, I refuse to walk between two vans/SUV’s because I always think the doors will open and someone will snatch me.

-I hate the words panty and titty, so when I was breastfeeding, Troy called my reusable breast pads “titty panties” just to mess with me.  It makes me laugh now, but it wasn’t always funny at the time.

-I refuse to use pens at the front counter of any business, bank, doctor’s office, etc.  GROSS!  Think of all the people who don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom, and then they go and use that pen.  I keep a pen in my purse, and bust that sucker out whenever I need to sign anything.

-I really want to redesign my blog, and maybe come up with a different name.  But honestly, the work involved in that exhausts me from just thinking about it.

-If Jack says “why” one more time after I tell him to do something, I’m tempted to yell “because I fucking said so”!!!! I won’t of course, but man, the temptation is always there.

-After I had a two week vacation, I was so sad to go back to work, that I had Troy get a copy of health benefits from his EMT job.  I almost cried when I saw the cost of insuring just the three of us through their company.  It would have taken Troy’s ENTIRE paycheck, just to get cut rate health coverage.

-Almost every morning, when my alarm goes off at 4:30 am, I really want to quit my job and blog full-time.  However, the health insurance issue (above) remains, and honestly, I feel like what if I actually did get the chance to stay home and blog, and I might freaking suck at it.  What if this is as good as it gets, and having more time to devote to it, results in absolutely nothing?  That thought gives me the boob sweats.

-Troy’s current work schedule is not sustainable, and I know that soon something will have to give.  And no matter how I work it over in my mind, it is going to require me to work harder (more paid posts, articles, potential affiliations, etc.) so that he can reduce his hours.  I’d be happy to have him around more, because frankly our family life is just so stressful right now.  That being said, I feel like I’ll be resentful that I’m going to have to work harder so that he can work less.  It makes me feel guilty for thinking that, but I’m just exhausted.  We’ve been married for nine years, and Troy’s never had a conventional work schedule, except for 11 months (and he was so miserable at that job).  I’m just exhausted.  I want normal.  I want predictable.  I don’t want to be a single mom anymore, and I don’t want my kid crying because his dad isn’t around anymore.  I’m OVER it.

-I bought a Ghiradelli chocolate and caramel bar to use for an ice cream recipe that I conceptualized in my head.  Unfortunately, I ate it all in one sitting before I got the chance.  Whoops.

Care to share any confessions of your own?  It feels so good!

Yo yo, head’s up, this post might contain affiliate links which help to support my site. And my canning, seed buying, and aggressive saving habits.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

53 comments on “Confessions, August”

  1. Thanks for your honesty. I do get annoyed at all those perfect bloggers out there. They actually make me feel bad about myself. I wonder why I can’t cant do all that they do. I also want to say that I get how you feel about your job. I spent 21 years in the military before retiring 4 years ago. I hated all 21 years of it. I’m glad I did it but boy am I glad it’s over. I finally get to be there for my family. It’s where I’m meant to be. I just want to say hang in there it will get better. I love your blog. I bet you could take it further. You are an
    inspiration to me. I know you work full time, have a little guy at home and yet your still cooking good healthy family for your family, canning and gardening.

  2. “Boob sweats”! Love it!! x

  3. Hi there! I love your blog and your real expression of yourself. I laugh when you want to tell your son to be quiet or to man up, because I know you love him more than life. I get that feeling with my Kindergarten students too (I have no kids of my own). Just a thought…. Have you considered vlogging on youtube or showing us a tour of your garden or kitchen or how to do your favorite home made mondays? You can get paid for the view and when people click the ads to the side. I know I would watch every video (and click ads, just for you!). I am not talking Pro style videos. But I know I would watch whatever you posted.

    • I haven’t looked in to youtube, but maybe I’ll explore it! I did a 4 minute video on here a few weeks ago and it didn’t seem to get a lot of traffic, so I’d have to be motivated to do another video. It took FOREVER for that 4 minute video to upload to Youtube, so maybe I’m doing it wrong?

  4. That’s funny about the vans… I normally go right through them because I’m more afraid of being hit by someone pulling in or out, or trying to get to a parking spot. I’ve been bumped several times, but I haven’t been snatched yet… I’ll have to be more careful. My confessions? I normally stop drinking water by 9pm otherwise I have to go potty between 1 and 2:30am. I also cannot fall asleep without chapstick or something on my lips. I still use baby powder after taking a shower.

    • I should stop by 6, but I love my liquids; hence I pee like 4 times a night. That is what I miss about breastfeeding, because I never had to pee!

  5. I have a drama queen when it comes to injuries. Any little scratch results in fear of “the bubbly stuff,” and lots of “do you think it will be ok?” I win awful mom of the year every year because when she gets hurt, I pretty much ignore her unless there is lots of blood.

    My hubby is military (Thanks for your service Theresa!) and has a pretty stressful job. But I get SOOOO angry/frustrated/annoyed/fed-up with the fact that all he does is go to work, come home, play his on-line computer game or go for a mountain bike ride, while I’m responsible for homeschooling the kiddo, cooking, cleaning, doing the groceries, doing the dishes, laundry, and going to school full time (on-line thankfully). Oh, and I make sure the bills are paid, the cars are maintained, volunteer for our veggies, and keep in touch with family.

    In his defense, he does realize I do WAY more than him, but that doesn’t motivate him to offer to help. Which also annoys the heck out of me.

    I take mean pleasure from the fact that when I don’t do the dishes every day, the hubby has to wash his bowl and spoon in the mornings before he can have his breakfast.

  6. I get tired of the stay at home moms in my neighborhood that constantly comment how they just don’t get why I hang out laundry, bake bread, make yogurt, mend clothes, thrift shop, etc. if I work. They just don’t have time. Maybe if you didn’t spend so much time on Facebook letting everyone know that your rocket scientist, all star athlete poops rainbows and butterflies you would have time. Especially irritating because my hard earned tax money is paying for their food and medical care. I’m really not bitter….really. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • My deepest feeling is that anyone can find a little bit of a time to do what they truly want to. I never saw how someone had time to hang laundry, bake bread, etc., back when I had cable and was a total slug all the time.

      Now? Now, I have the time because I make the time to do things that are important to me. Everyone has different priorities I’m sure, but I hear you in that it is frustrating when people claim they don’t have time to do something, but what they honestly need to say is “I’m choosing not to make time to learn this skill”.

  7. I put my car/house keys between my fingers when I am walking alone in a parking lot
    I feel a need to inform people of their terrible parking habits via a note on their windshield or using chalk to make “Asshole Parking” lines as seen on Pinterest, but I have resisted the temptation so far.
    My 2 1/2 year old niece never stops talking. Never. The other day after hearing her go non-stop for over an hour I had my fill. In a raised voice I said “Lydia could you please be quiet for 5 minutes!” I immediately felt bad as she stared at me with her big brown eyes. Then after about 10-15 seconds she responded with “how bout 2 minutes?” Couldn’t help but laugh over how smart and adorable she is!

  8. I have a confession….I think you are the best blog out there!! and one day my dream is to blog as well and tell everyone I learned from you! I think you will be great at doing it full time. I look forward everyday to your posts and when there aren’t any I cannot wait till the next one. If you did this full time that could mean more than one post a day!! I know sounds selfish on my part but I truly love your posts. I am only 25 and for the past couple years you have taught me so many things that I do today to make my little apartment for my boyfriend and I a home full of awesome homemade stuff and healthy too!

  9. I am fearful to walk between two vans too because I don’t want to be snatched either. I think that we need to stop watching the scary movies!!! I love the boob sweats- I laughed out loud. I love your blog and I can’t believe that you do this and work full time. I would love to use my blog to make money but I am afraid to make the jump and figure out what to do! I know that if I could do half of what you do then I would be doing good ๐Ÿ™‚ I also texted my husband yesterday and asked if I could hit my 4 year old over the head to hope that he would pass out and take a nap so we all have those days!!!

    • I actually won’t watch scary movies, so that makes me every more paranoid and crazy!

      Did your husband agree to the head knocking? A friend of mine and I dream of partnering up to create “Bambien” which would be baby Ambien. We’ll be billionaires.

  10. i love confessions (and your blog)! here are some of my dark secrets: i, too, won’t walk between vans for fear of getting snatched, but i also have a secret fantasy of getting snatched and employing my self-defense class skills to escape (get close in, slam the groin w/my knee, and when they double over, take hold of their ears and slam their face into my knee. and then run like hell. and also like a badass). i don’t like pregnancy and a lot of women don’t like that i openly don’t like it. i believe that as long as i love my kid, i don’t have to be into the gestation. fuck that. when i walk by swimming pools and subway platforms and i’m holding something like keys or a bag in my hand, i have to consciously keep a firm grip on it because all i want to do, for some inexplicable reason, is just let the thing i’m holding fly into the deep end of the pool or onto the rails. i don’t understand this urge. i just know i have it.

    • Oh man, I totally think about using self defense skills too, but sadly I don’t actually have any self defense skills, so my dreams are so crazy!

      Ok, the I totally get the keys thing. Sometimes I just want to toss things out a window over a bridge.

  11. When my youngest daughter was little, she was a drama queen when she got the tiniest scratch. I learned fast that and it was worth the cost of bandaids to pop one on her microscopic ‘injury’ to “shut her up”.

    I also feel that sometimes “because I said so” (without swearing, though) is a perfectly acceptable response. Just not too often or it loses it’s potency. One of my favourites is “because you live here”. They can’t argue that one. (“Why do I have to [insert chore here]?” “Because you live here too. Everyone helps out.” End of discussion.)

    My confession: I hate when people think that just because my husband makes enough money that I can stay home, I have all day free and lots of money and can meet them for coffee any time they want. I have better things to do and better things to spend my money on than hanging out at a coffee shop for hours every school day. (one in a while is nice though)

    I don’t tend to walk between vehicles in parking lots much anyways (I always park out in the middle of nowhere) But now I have a reason to never do it!

    • I love the “because you live here”! My favorite response that Jack can’t refute is “that is how Jesus wants it”. “Mommy, why is the sky blue”? “Because that is how Jesus wants it”.

  12. I have just started reading your blog but I have to say that I totally could have written the part about being tired of being a single mom with a husband. It sucks. Every time he talks about wanting to quit his job I get hot and cold at the same time. Great idea!! Crap!! I can’t decide how I would handle it, but it sure would make life easier.

    • Stuck between a rock and a hard place, right? Ugh, such a frustrating position to be in. I hope things work out how they’re supposed to work out!

  13. Just go the F to sleep! We are getting tired of rocking our 3 year old before bed each night (he is getting too old and too tall…it is like wrestling a bag a snakes) so we told him the rocking chair is broken.

  14. Let’s pray that you and he both can find more reasonable jobs, with better time or money or both.

  15. I understand the insurance thing unfortunately. If I am ever able to have a child I would love to stay at home with them. But when you factor in how much the health insurance would cost there is absolutely no way. ๐Ÿ™

  16. I love the honesty in your blog! It cracks me up to see bloggers who photo all these DIY projects and a perfect home when I know darn well they hid all the stuff to take a photo. I work 32 hours a week outside the home and like many others, I work 40+ hours a week in the home. Confessions – only 1… I am HAPPY school is starting back in less than 2 weeks here. Yes I LOVE my son and LOVE being with him but it is so much easier to have a schedule.

  17. I finally landed a part-time job with decent, affordable benefits and I am scared shitless that I will not like staying at home two days a week with my two year old. I’m scared that he would be better off with more money in our family and less time with me.

  18. PS, this is the first time I “said” that out loud. It feels great ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. My guy is a vet and is going to school through a job blah blah rehab crap with the VA. I’m glad he is going to school to be a better person or whatever, but his goal after he receives his masters this summer is to go back and get a different degree. He has already been in school for around five years. I don’t want a perpetual student. I would like to go to school too or spend more time with our child, but I am the one working to make sure our daughter has insurance. He gets his healthcare through the VA. I’m sure it makes me a bitch for feeling resentful…

  20. I love your blog. I hope you can find a happy medium so you can blog more (you would be awesome by the way) and he can work less because your schedule is brutal! Hope you guys find a good happy place soon.

  21. I love that you are so honest about your flaws. I’ve always hated that bloggers paint a perfect picture of their life and the fact that you don’t is one of the many reasons I keep coming back to this blog. My confessions:

    1.) I also hate the word “titty.” My boyfriend knows this and likes to use it just to anyone me.
    2.) My boyfriend has four cats which I love until they get their kitty fluids somewhere. One of the cats is old and has decided that she no longer likes using the litter box; I refuse to clean her poop off the floor so I cover it and let him do it. He laughs at me for gagging at the sight/smell of cat poop.
    3.) I don’t really get homesick so I forget to call my family. I then feel guilty when they call and ask why I haven’t called.
    4.) I don’t have kids but when I do I’m sure I will probably have the urge to yell “because I fucking said so” as well.
    5.) Sometimes I wonder if there is any point in finishing another degree when I will probably end up as a stay at home mom (I want to homeschool).
    6.) I want to have my own apartment purely because I don’t want anyone thinking I’m weird because I like making my own bread.
    7.) I hate when people read over my shoulder.
    8.) My best friend and I have started growing apart and I’m afraid that our friendship won’t last much longer.
    9.) I wish I could get paid to lay in a hammock reading books all day!

  22. I enjoy reading your blog very much, you have a great talent for writing and for all the cooking, gardening, sewing, etc that you do. I hope both of your jobs will balance out because I went through a similar life raising 2 wonderful kids and working and doing everything for the household like you do, while he was lazy. I finally went through a terrible divorce once the kids left home. My kids both say that I should have divorced him when they where young and found someone else so they would have had more of my time. I then married a wonderful man who is a real PARTNER that is EQUAL and willing to do his share. Health insurance is a huge problem so we are working so we have it, especially since we are 55 and 60 years old and health issues are a concern. We are thinking we will have to work until we drop just to keep insurance.

  23. I ate all the ingredients I bought to make breakfast bars before I made them.
    I’m a little stressed right now.

  24. Well, confessions huh? I have to say I am so tired of taking care of my brother-in-law, who has Downs Syndrome and the mental level of a 3 year old most days, with little to no help from my husband. I could honestly just walk out of the house some days and not come back. Then I have to stop and think that taking care of him is still the easiest job I’ve ever had, and right now the only dependable money we have coming in since it is technically my job, too. My husband wants me to take a few hours at the library alone and I would rather have everyone out of the house so I can have it all to myself for a few hours! (My kids all live in another state so I have no other help at the moment.) Everything else is such a minor annoyance now, age will do that to you. After awhile very little bothers me or I just refuse to acknowledge it as a problem! I’m not saying I don’t worry about health or how we are going to cover everything in a month, I just decided it wasn’t worth worrying about anymore. And the “because I said so” response is a valid one when you need it! I used it on four kids and it did just fine.

  25. LMAO
    Loving your confessions… below are a couple of mine…

    * I will not let my child walk in front of a vehicle pulling up to the front of a store or building because I am terrified that they are going to press the gas instead of the brake and run up on the curb and hit my child.

    * I am an ink pen addict. I have an addiction for the pink, turquoise blue, and purple ones especially. Honestly, I have a few hundred of them I’m guessing. Co workers and clients notice it. I always say it could be worse, I could be addicted to cocaine or something like that… ๐Ÿ™‚

    * I promised myself when I was a kid that when I grew up and had children of my own I would never say to my child “Because I said so” but I confess that I was not able to keep that promise.

    * This is the only blog that I read on a daily basis.

    * I’m sure when I click on “Publish” I will think of 20 more confessions I wished I had added.

    Thank you for such wonderful posts, inspiration and ideas!

  26. Sarah, honey, you are sooo refreshing. I’m way past the mommy-thing, but your blog brings back old memories. I remember thinking that I really didn’t want to run away and have that hanging over my head, but….If I had about 6 months of amnesia, THAT would be awesome because I wouldn’t worry about my kids, or husband or anything else. I would just enjoy being nobody. LoL! I’m working on a blog and as soon as I figure out how to get the freaking pictures to load, I’ll be on like donkey-kong! Today’s title would be: Mamma Says: Sometimes ya gotta fake it till ya make it! Can I get an Amen? Hang in there Babe! Time flies and the silence comes too soon. ~~Vera

  27. I love your blog, although I have to admit (because I work full time and my youngest who lives with me (also works full time) and is 23) I rarely cook dinner, it takes so much effort to shop, prep, cook, clean and when I do shop, I throw too many spoiled groceries away. So I try my best not to over shop; but I sometimes feel guilty about no longer being “suzy homemaker” since the kids left for college (been divorced 13 years). My other confession…I love reading blogs!

  28. I wish I could pay you to blog, because you are my favorite.

  29. I love your blog! It’s probably the only one I consistently read, even if I am not interested in the topic really. You could have a recipe for something I don’t like, will never make, etc, and I will still read the entire thing.

    I really enjoy these confessions. I keep laughing about the van thing… seems a lot of us have that fear. I think that must have been a warning when we were kids or something. I vaguely remember my mom saying something like that.

    Here are some of mine:
    *I am scared of the dark, especially the outside dark. I hate taking my dogs out late at night because I always imagine spooky things in the dark, but it’s embarrassing to admit it to anyone.

    *The Carver kept me up for almost a week straight. I almost quit watching the show, but I just couldn’t.

    *Sometimes at the end of the weekend, I am so ready for my husband to go back to work so I can have the house back. And get it clean again. I immediately feel guilty because I do enjoy spending time together.

    *I sometimes don’t respond to an e-mail, text or something on Facebook because I don’t want my friends to know I am available and then try to call me. I go through whole days of not wanting to talk on the phone at all. I usually say the baby was sleeping, but really, I was just enjoying not thinking about anyone else for a bit.

    *I also hate people reading over my shoulder, but I can’t help but read over other people’s shoulders. I am so darn curious as to what people are reading.

    *I love to read, and I stalk friend’s Facebook posts that ask for book suggestions. I ready all of of the comments and take note of any that look interesting.

  30. I love you. With you writing skills and sense of humor you could write a very successful book….in your spare time!

  31. Oh my God – I think we were separated at birth. In all honesty, today is the VERY first time I’ve ever seen or heard of your blog. I was googling “frugal” and really, your blog was down on page 2, but it looked intriguing so I gave it a shot. You have gained a new follower and fan, for you had me at “boob sweats” ๐Ÿ™‚ Cheers to you, and I look forward to more! -Dee

  32. Earn Money Launch a New Earning System on Facebook, the best Social Media Website where you can share some fun and earn with us, Share some pictures on Facebook and earn on every pictures you post or share. Unlimited Facebook Wall Sharing and Unlimited Earning.
    Earn with Making Facebook Ids, Make Unlimited Facebook Ids and Get 10$ on Every FB Id.

  33. Ok, Here are a couple of confessions–I have actually dropped the “F” bomb on my kids on more than one occasion. I don’t mean to, it just slips out from frustration. They know that I don’t like to do this and am working to stop…phew

    I love scary movies, and don’t typically scare easily when watching them. Sometimes though, when I am turning off all of the lights, i just get creeped out and end up running up the stairs as fast as I can w/o looking behind me.

    Bernadette Johnson–I’m pretty sure you and I are related or something..most of that list could have been mine.

    One of my guilty pleasure movies is Grease 2.
    When I was little I wanted to be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader or a Princess. Sadly, I am neither.

    Sarah, you are awesome. I love being able to come to your blog for a dose of reality and humor. All the best to you.

  34. I am rereading your old posts to celebrate your great news this month. Such good reading! I saw this post about your insurance options with Troy. Insurances. It’s why I work. My hubs is self employed, he had a medical crisis last week …ER, admitted, etc. My SIL saw my copay for the admission….300 bucks. She works for this hospital and has a 2500 dollar deductable. I picked up a prescription today…85 bucks, 25 after insurance. This is why I work. My hubs is fine, we don’t have to eat dirt to pay medical bills. All is good. Always thinking of you at these times.

    • I’m sorry to hear about your husband, but am glad he is ok. I really really hate insurance, deductibles, and feeling tied to something just for benefits.