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One of the reoccurring comments that popped up when I announced my site’s branding was “great. Just keep the confessions”. Oh, friends, Confessions are here to stay. We’re in it to win it.
If you’re new here, confessions are a (mostly) monthly series where I share really stupid stuff with you all. Then you share silly stuff with the class, we all have a fan-freaking-tastic time and go about our days.
Let’s get this party started!
- I’ve never seen the movie 16 Candles. And I have no plans to ever change that. You hate me right now.
- We have popcorn and movie nights every week. After I drizzle the butter on the popcorn, I shake it a few times to distribute. Then I pour some more butter. And then I eat the top of everyone’s popcorn bowl before I bring it out into the living room. Because that is where all the butter is and that is the best part.
- I don’t understand Reddit. And based on what I hear, I don’t really want to understand it. I already have so much in my life that can help me waste time.
- I have weird man hands. They’re ugly AF and my nails are always jacked because I work with my hands a lot. There are scars, and the backs become bright pink in the cold due to a gas oven exploding when I lit it back in 2005. But my hands are really strong and can do so many things and have served me well. Maybe I should use nail polish or something to try to fancy them up.
- I do 99% of the laundry in our house, including my Dad’s. One morning Troy was getting dressed and I hear him yell “what the fuck”?! Apparently, when I was putting the laundry away, I accidentally put my Dad’s underwear in Troy’s drawer and he had inadvertently put them on. The reaction was so swift and hilarious (to me) that if it wasn’t for Troy’s mental health, I’d likely do that once a month.
- I hate flossing and I resent that I have to do it. Yeah, I mean, I want to keep my original teeth so I continue to floss. But I freaking hate it.
- When you blog, everyone has tons of advice on how to do it the “right way”. One of the things that consistently comes up is the idea of an “avatar”. No, not the blue creature from the James Cameron movie, but a compilation of your readers. I’ve lost you here, haven’t I? The idea is that when you write, you write for that person. Back in the old days of blogging (2010 ish), you just wrote whatever and it was generally word diarrhea. Feel free to check out my older posts. 🙂Now, you write for your avatar because that means you’re writing for others and therefore are helping someone.In most cases, an avatar is a mix of your friends and who you were two years ago.So, when I sit and write my posts, I write for Mae. Mae is the nickname I was going to give Bennett if Bennett had been a chick. Other than my Scattered Sundays and Meal Plan posts (and I guess this one too), when I write a post, I write for my friend Mae. Want to hear about Mae? She’s pretty rad.
Mae is 34 years old and lives outside of a major city with her family. She likes to be close to a cultural center but really craves small town life. On the outside, she totally looks like she has her shit together, but inside she is often a mess. To anyone observing her she looks like a duck calming swimming, but underneath the water, she is paddling her flippers as fast as she fucking can.
Mae loves healthy food and cooking most of the time, but can do some extreme damage to a Costco sample cart full of crappy processed food. When she is on the real foods train, she is fully on it. From scratch meals, organic ingredients – the whole shebang. But then when something happens and she stress eats a sleeve of Thin Mints, she feels like a failure and a fraud.
She loves the idea of quick and healthy meals to serve her family, but 90% of the recipes she pins or tears out of magazines are desserts. As much as Mae wants to be creative with cooking, she finds herself making the same 15 meals over and over. She reads blogs for new ways to serve the same old foods.
She is all in when it comes to a sustainable lifestyle (or at least the idea of it) – garden, cooking, canning, DIY, and dreams about a small hobby farm. But then she keeps trying to do it all at once and burns out and just wants to light a match to everything. She has yet to figure out that Balance is Bullshit.
Mae works her ass off but often feels like she is pushing a rock up a hill with her little toe. She always has big life and work plans and when things are going well she attributes it to chance or luck. When things take a dive and something goes wrong or doesn’t work out, the self-doubt creeps in and it becomes all her fault.
She likes being around people and has good friends but often feels isolated and turns to blogs and social media for connection. Mae loves to be entertained and finds comfort when she reads experiences of others who don’t make her feel so weird or odd. It makes her realize that maybe not everyone has their shit together.
Mae doesn’t know when she will ever be considered a grown up. She has no idea how her parents made it all look so easy. She is trying hard to improve herself and wants to make a difference in this world. She keeps paddling and tries to take one step forward every single day.
Alright friends, your turn! Confess away.
Damn, I felt like I was Mae. Girl, I like Mae…she rocks!
Also, I’d just own those hands! Mine are kinda like blocks with thick carrots attached but they do a lot of shit for me! Â
The underwear though, omg hilarious. I’d like to have been a fly on the wall to observe that reaction.Â
Mae does rock. She’s my tribe and I love her!
Blocks with carrots. I love that. So perfect.
1) Flossing absolutely grosses me the F out. I mean, if I eat something and it’s stuck and driving me crazy, I’ll do it, but not on a nightly basis. My favorite dental hygienist I ever had was the one where on my first visit with her, I told her “Look, I’m 28 years old (as I was at the time…where does time go??) and I know that I’m supposed to floss, it’s good for you, etc. I’m just not going to do it, it’s too nasty.” She laughed and said she understood, and then never bothered me about it on any of my visits. The ONE time I went there and had a different lady, she would NOT SHUT UP about flossing, and honestly that was worse to me than any aspect of the dental visit.
2) I saw 16 Candles once…my sister is 15 years older than me, so it was one of her favorites, and she demanded that I see it at least once. I was not impressed enough to ever have an interest in seeing it again. I’m 32, I think I’m just the wrong generation for that movie (or that whole genre in general, because I’ve also never seen Breakfast Club or any of the other ones
3) POPCORN WITH REAL BUTTER!!!!!!!!!!! I’m a little too lazy to pop real popcorn even though it’s the most delicious way to make it (although I saw you had a post about popcorn the other day and I need to go check it out) so I usually do a bag of just regular butter flavor and then “complete” it with some real buttah
4) Today is my day off. I should be: loading the dishwasher, wiping down counters, sweeping, vacuuming, and cleaning the bathrooms. I also brought work home with me for the weekend that I should tackle today so I don’t have to worry about it the rest of the weekend. Instead, I am in my recliner with a cup of coffee and my laptop with no immediate plans to change that.
Have you tried a water pick (pik?) before? I hear that is a good alternative to flossing. My dad uses one and loves it.
Real butter is life.
I dropped my husband off at PT. Next week is his stroke anniversary. A massage stroke at age 56 two weeks after a great check up. Instead of doing housework, paperwork or laundry i am curled up in bed feeling sorry for myself. And I don’t care. Right now I want to be sad.
I don’t know you but I’m sorry, Connie. Hope the sun starts shining for you. Turn up the music, sometimes it helps.Â
Connie how frustrating. I’m so sorry. If I were there I’d give you some brownies to go with your bedtime. Let’s not watch 16 CAndles though, ok?
1. There are oh so many movies I haven’t seen. 16 Candles is definitely on the list.
2. I’m a monster when it comes to popcorn. I have to have my own bowl (instead of sharing a large bowl), or I’ll eat it all without thinking twice.
3. Reddit frustrates me beyond belief.
4. I also have man hands complete with sausage fingers. I also have man-sized feet though (making shoe-shopping a terrible experience since grade 6), so it’s par for the course. My hands are strong though, scarred from climbing, chapped from the cold weather, and if I’m lucky, I have dirt under my nails.
5. I’m terrible at sharing food. It doesn’t end at popcorn. I blame this on having a brother six years my senior who would steal anything I hadn’t finished. I’m trying to learn from my partner, who is very good at sharing.
6. I love winter. I live in northern Ontario (north of Minnesota), so loving winter is a good thing, but when everyone starts posting photos of green grass, flowers, and planting their gardens in March when we still have a foot of snow, I get very jealous.
7. I dream of one day starting a blog, but I haven’t been able to prioritize it yet, so I just read yours instead.
8. This is my first time commenting on your blog, but I’ve been reading it for years! Thanks for making me laugh, Sarah!
I think “if I’m lucky there is dirt under my nails” needs to be printed on an old weathered piece of wood and hung near a garden.
Loving winter and living in Ontario is probably a very good thing. I would have to image it would be a very long 4-6 months if you hated it.
Start a blog! You can totally do it. And comment more. 🙂
Hahahaha! Love confessions.Â
I too have man hands and feel bad when I think of the Seinfeld episode when it became cause to dump someone. Don’t know what my husband actually thinks of them but oh well, we can be proud of what they have and will continue to accomplish. I’ve seen Angelina Jolie’s hands before and they are pretty rough looking so…
Hate flossing too, rarely do it, will probably have dentures one day *sobs*
Also, I know some people don’t like it and I rarely say it (think it sometimes for sure) but you and Troy dropping the F-bomb just makes me love you even more. Hilarious story, did you tell your dad? If so what did he say?Â
Hahahaha, is it bad that I could see the whole scene unfold in my mind?Â
OMG when she cracks the lobster and then wipes Jerry’s face? Dead. Angelina’s are pretty rough and mine are often like that depending on the angle. Sigh.
The funny thing about our cursing is that I am the one with the potty mouth but I never, ever, EVER curse in front of the kids. Troy rarely swears but gets scared easily so anytime the kids jump out to try to scare him he will yell a swear word. Jack thinks I am a saint. 🙂
Ok #1…..why????? I must be a lot older because all 80’s kids need John Hughes movies in their life. So I don’t hate you, but don’t tell me you hate John Cusack too!
And you totally lost me at #7…????
Confession- So I just don’t get rated R adult humor movies anymore. So I must be old AF but they are all trashy, raunchy & borderline porn. So maybe it’s because I have 4 kids & children’s movies have dominated my adult life, but I would rather watch a kids movie.
Maybe I was too young in the 80’s to really care and I just haven’t chosen to watch it since then. I’m not sure. Also, I don’t like chick movies at all. I like John Cusack generally but not really his movie genre.
RE: #7, bloggers are supposed to write like they are writing to a certain reader. “Mae” is a mash-up of who I picture when I am writing posts. When I choose topics or what I say, I’m thinking about her. Will my post help her? Will this recipe make her life better, etc.
I can’t stand the smell of movie or microwave popcorn so even though the “real stuff” I’d better, I rarely eat it because I associate it with the gross smell.
I hate flossing, but my husband was a dental hygienist when we met so I had to start…got one of these flosser and it was a game changer https://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/B00ZC24RUU/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1521207082&sr=8-7&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=flosser&dpPl=1&dpID=41hd-i6xjCL&ref=plSrch
Now I can tolerate flossing and my marriage is intact 🙂
My hand are okay…Won’t be hand modeling anytime soon though.
16 candles…meh, it was ok. I kept thinking, don’t be dumb Molly!
I rarely go to Costco because I come back with 300 worth of processed stuff that gets half eaten and then languishes in the freezer for 6 years…
Those stick flosser things never work for me and I don’t know why. Clearly, it is operator error!
When we lived in LA I was a corporate recruiter. We interviewed Molly’s current husband for a job. We didn’t give him an offer but I was so pissed because clearly how amazing would our company Christmas party be??
1. I have never seen any of the Star Wars movies…
2. I usually melt an ungodly amount of butter for popcorn, and my daughter and I battle it out scraping popcorn against the sides of the bowl savouring every last bite.
3. Reddit sometimes pops up when I google things, but I don’t actively search it out.
4. I’m 5ft2 with tiny weird hands… my nails are a mess and let’s just say my husband and I opted to NOT get a picture of our hands with our rings on when we got married.
5. I do not have an underwear story… but once my son potty trained full in January, he was sitting down to pee. One month later all I hear is “I stand up to pee like daddy. I wear daddy underwear (he did not like character righty whiteys and wanted boxers like daddy…) every time he goes potty. If he has to poop, he will poop, wipe, then stand to pee…
6. I’m a mediocre flosser unless we eat corn on the cob, then I spend 30 minutes cleaning them out. And up until 2 years ago I never did anything to my skin at night… I was lucky if I washed it if I wasn’t showering that night. Now I nightly use all kinds of potions and tonics and this 34 year old has a grown up skin care routine and it feels good.
I once read a blog when the woman talked about how to make popcorn for her family of like 8 people. As soon as she said “melt 6 tbsp of butter” I totally tuned out. She was out of her damned mind.
How funny about the potty training! Jack loved boxers too and still wears them to this day.
What is your skincare routine?
I use Ole Henriksen skin care line for the most part. For some reason once my kids stop breastfeeding, my skin goes back to puberty and I discovered the line looking for something to rid me of middle age acne. Almost two years ago I started with the vitamin c serum, moisturizer, and some overnight AHA serum (all Ole Henriksen). I washed my face morning and again at night with whatever freebies I get from sephora (I’ve tried: fresh brand soy cleanser is nice, aveda, origins, ole henriksen foaming cleanser) and then I use the AHA serum at night. Vitamin c in the AM. Moisturizer I use mostly in winter. Once that cleared my skin up I branched out to his other products (power bright facials, walnut scrub, power peel facials). I have nothing bad to say about any of them. If you try the facials, I usually get 4-6 uses out of each pod they designate for “one use” because I’m cheap and stingy and it still works. I do the facials for one week out of the month. I don’t use the night serum too often at this point unless my skin looks dull or I have a random breakout.Â
I’ve heard of the brand but have never tried it before. Where do you buy it?
My confession: I don’t like popcorn. The smell of it just grosses me out.
I don’t really do reddit… except for https://www.reddit.com/r/PeopleFuckingDying/
I check in on it when I need a good laugh because the theme is people posting innocent pictures/video clips with hilariously over-exaggerated titles.
Ok, I watched a few videos and I think I’d need to watch a few more to really “get” it.
I think we may be sisters separated at birth.
1. I have never seen 16 Candles, Pretty in Pink, or Hairspray, and never want to. Also I hated Dirty Dancing. Hated. If there’s a movie that girls born in the 70s loved, I usually don’t like it, because I’m out of step with my generation.
2. The butter is the best part. When we go to movies, usually on a kid’s birthday if there’s a movie we all want to see, I offer to sit in the middle and “share” the bucket until the buttery parts are gone, and then I pass it over and say “I’m full.”
3. I have never read Reddit. I don’t even know what it is.
4. I actually have smallish hands for a woman my height (5’8″) to the point where one of my piano teachers–I studied piano from age six until college–watched me trying to span an octave and said, “Whoever looked at your hands and said you should play piano?” I have one thumbnail that grows split in two, so I have to keep the nails short, and the most I ever do is slap some clear nail polish on them. I have hand anxiety, is what I’m trying to say.
5. I hate flossing as well–my teeth are very close together–but every time I get my teeth cleaned I’m told “there’s a lot of tartar in between here” so I have to buy the fancy Placker flossers, because regular floss just breaks when I try to use it. I am really lucky that I have hardly ever had a cavity, though.
6. I am the opposite of a coffee snob. I have two cups of coffee every day, mainly to get my collagen in (joint issues), but I think Trader Joe’s instant coffee is wonderful. And I use their soy creamer, it’s the best. Ever. There’s no point in me trying to get a coffee maker or French press and switch to beans, because my husband doesn’t drink coffee and it would be a waste. Just give me my cheapo instant coffee that takes about two minutes to make.