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Once a month, I share really stupid confessions that are honest and not shall we say “fake perfect blog” appropriate.
Let’s start off with something that I am sure will be controversial. Shall we?
1) Short people who wear pants that are high waters, really piss me off. I’m 6 ft, my sister is 6 ft, and I have a female cousin who is 6 ft 4. Do any of us wear pants that are too short? Hell no.
If we can find pants long enough, you can too shortie. No freaking flipping excuses!
I had a roommate for years who was like 5 ft 1. She had a problem with not being able to find pants short enough, so she would buy pants, and then pay $10 to have them hemmed.
2) I am convinced that Troy has my phone bugged and has hacked in to the face time feature and can literally spy on me so that he can only call me at the most inconvenient time. There is simply no other way to explain how he only calls right after Jack and I get home and my arms are full of stuff, and Jack is hungry and whining, and my head is going to freaking explode because I’ve been up since 4:30 am.
Also, he has been known to call multiple times if you don’t pick up, so not only does he call at the worst possible time, but if you don’t drop everything and answer, the stupid phone just keeps ringing.
3) When I worked at my last company (corporate), once a year they would ship us somewhere lovely for a regional offsite. The very first year I was at the company, they sent us to Cabo. Rough life, right?
Well, I roomed with someone who was dating one of our coworkers. Being super lame like I am, I called it a night by like 11 pm, while everyone else was enjoying the free drinks. I have a thing where I need to fall asleep while watching TV. I showered (cause it was like 567 degrees and humid), and then turned to it on to the movie channel (Out of Time with Denzel Washington), and promptly fell asleep.
The next morning at breakfast, my roomie and her boyfriend asked me how my night was. I said it was pretty good, I took a shower, I watched TV, and fell asleep. They burst out laughing. I was a bit perplexed, and then had to wait until they stopped choking on their huevos rancheros to figure out what was so dang funny.
Turns out, that around midnight, the movie channel switched from PG to rated X. I fell asleep watching a Denzel Washington, but when they walked in to our room, there was so pretty graphic Mexican porn on the tube.
To this day, I’m pretty sure neither of them believe my story, but I swear it is the truth!
4) Unless I am measuring liquids, I almost never wash my measuring cups and measuring spoons. Salt? Flour? Baking soda? It’s called knocking the cup or spoon on the side of the container and putting it back in the cupboard or drawer.
5) I almost never wash my bread knife. It’s just bread. It’s not like I’m cutting poop to make turd sandwiches.
6) From the time Jack was three, until a few weeks after turning four, I was convinced he didn’t really have a soul. Three year olds are evil hell beasts. I want another kid, but I’d love to ship them off when they turn three, and pick them up at four years and two weeks.
7) There are times when the weather outside is gross, and I’m feeling lazy, and I’m oh so tempted to just make a bag of Top Ramen. Top Ramen was a childhood staple, and even though it so so full of sodium and crap, I can still taste the deliciousness.
8) I don’t know how to BBQ, but I also don’t want to learn. Grilling is the ONE thing Troy will do in the kitchen, and it feels like a cooking vacation for me.
9) Jack’s preschool work gets put in the recycling every Sunday night.
That’s right, I said it.
This week, he had a picture made by his friend Cooper, and he said very conspiratorially “mommy, I just want to throw this away”, but I gave him a guilt trip about how it was something special and we should keep it.
I talked him out of putting in the recycling, because HIS stuff was right at the top of the bin from where I had chucked it the night before.
10) I am TERRIBLE at alphabetizing. When I’m filing my client’s paperwork, I have to sing the ABC’s in my head, because after I get to “h”, it is kinda a blur.
11) I am terrified of this space between my counter and my oven.
God only knows what is in that crack. Should our oven ever break, I’d rather grill (well have Troy grill) for the rest of my life, than have to move the oven and see what hell spawn has thrived in that dark and inhospitable environment.
What would you like to share this month? Come on, unload, it feels great!
you people use the spoon to measure salt? i just dump some in my hand and say “ya, that looks about right”. (and yes, I do wash my hands before cooking anything!)
I hate it when people hover around me. if i’m cooking, my husband feels the need to hover where-ever-i need-to-be-at-that-moment. at work, i have this woman who hovers in my cube (thankfully, i only see her on thursdays). she hovers there and then tells me what to do. really? i don’t know what to do after 3 1/2 years? gee, thanks for the insight. actually, while i’m complaining about her, she started to tell me what the word congealed means. i freakin’ know what the word means, could you leave me alone now!
oh, the papers i have thrown away from my son’s school. i have only kept a couple of papers and that’s it. i have however, kept all of his baby teeth and mothers day cards he made me over the years. i wonder how grossed out he’ll be when he finds the teeth later on after i die!
I have to measure salt, if I eyeball it, I tend to overdo it! Yuck.
I still have my kids’ teeth too. They know and aren’t grossed out about that, but they are about the fact that I still have my wisdom teeth. In a tiny box. In the same spot as their baby teeth!
I measure salt for desserts, but not for cooking for baking bread. I’m a handful kinda girl.
My sister and I found all the teeth in a jewelry box in my mom’s underwear drawer.
Being short myself, their problem might not be that they can’t find pants that are long enough but Capri pants that are short enough. Capris are my fashion nemesis, they make me look like I’m wearing high waters.
I totally agree and relate…as a short-arse myself, it is easy to get regular pants long enough but capris are always too bloody long. They never look like they should and kind of just hang in that inbetween place…too long and not short enough!! LOL
No, these are definitely pants pants that are meant to be longer. Most people don’t wear capris in winter.
My former short roommate and I would wash darks together, and I’d accidentally grab her jeans thinking they were my capris. She was not amused!
I’m 5’8″ and my kids thought my “mom jeans” were too short. Apparently down to the top of my shoe isn’t long enough and I must be stepping on the back of them with my heels…. (which is how my yoga pants fit – and my mom jeans shrunk terribly so that is all I wear. I AM working on this, just not very enthusiastically. I will gladly have a cookie with Heather)
I think I say this every month, but I just LOVE your confession posts. Especially today’s. It is like you posted my favourite type of post just for my birthday! Thanks! (because I just know that you somehow knew that and did it intentionally 😉 )
I am the opposite of you when it comes to measuring cups and spoons. Almost to the point of being anal about washing them. Except if I measure salt. That one always gets tossed back in the drawer.
I do just wipe my bread knife to get the crumbs off it though. I know, I make no sense…. I pull out my fridge and stove about twice a year and clean behind/beside them and am disgusted every time.
I used to place the kids work on top of the fridge, out of sight for a little while, just in case they asked for a piece, which DID happen from time to time. Then I would recycle.
I used to go into their rooms, pick out stuffed animals they didn’t love any more (they multiply at night, I am positive!) and hide them in a garbage bag for several weeks. If it wasn’t noticed, they went to the thrift shop. One time a daughter complained that she couldn’t find a specific stuffy. It magically materialized while she was at school. They STILL hold this against me! (they are 16 and 20 now) NEVER tell Jack that you do stuff like this!!!!!!!!!
I don’t file alphabetically often, but I say my alphabet too. I am not smart enough to do it in my head either, so I get laughed at by my kids when I inevitably get caught.
Thanks for the fun start to my day!!!!!!
🙂
I don’t wash my bread knife either! Do you know there are some people that regularly move their appliances and clean under and around them?? I am not one of those people, when we got a new stove I saw that space… terrifying!
If they have that much time on their hands, they’re welcome to come clean under and around mine!
Shhhh— I don’t wash the measuring cups either if I have just measured dry ingredients.
I’m not a shorts person, so can’t comment on #1. I bought my first short pants (which are actually bermudas) last summer and only used them inside the house. To go outside, I got jeans on. Yikes on #3! I’m paranoid about wasting electricity, so I can’t even be in a room where the TV isnt getting attention. I remember my dad always taught us to put the timer on. Though I dont watch TV, I always turn them off when I go into empty rooms at the hotel or other places. Last, I do just wipe bread knives with a dry kitchen towel, or on my sleeve. It is just bread… it’s not greasy or anything. Oh, and I too have to sing the alphabet song. Everything at work is alphabetized, and I can sing it better in Spanish than in English, but I try it anyway and get lost before the L, then restart in Spanish.
As for sharing… I don’t know my multiplication tables. I dont know 7, 8, 9 or 12. I can count them up from x1 up, but I couldnt, for example, tell you on the spot how much is 8*7. I feel I’m too old to learn this.
Can I just say that I love you? or is that too creepy? Oh well, I do because it is like we are twins separated at birth. Though you are much taller then I am. 😉 I also toss the mega amounts of Kindergarten paperwork, way more then preschool ever produced, so be warned. I personally would turn my children over for wolves to raise from 3 until about 8 as they act like feral animals that whole time anyhow. I am more afraid of the space between my counter and the fridge as we have had two bats hanging out in that space over the course of 7 years living in our house. So now you are even more terrified of that gap, right? 😉 Also, do people really wash measuring spoons and cups after measuring dry ingredients? My mom and my neighbor have the knack for calling at the most inopportune times, just got home, trying to get food into the girl child who is STARVING and get dinner going, I don’t have time or hands to talk to you people right now. 😉 Keep up the good work. Love confessions day.
Nah, not creepy!
Oh no, I’m in for more paperwork in kindergarten? Yipes!
I’m sorry, did you say BATS?????
Yes, bats. I am hoping now that we had our roof replaced last summer that we will no longer get the bats as visitors in the summer. 😉 Yes, more paperwork and my kid is in the Montessori program so I can’t even imagine what kids in the traditional Kindergarten classes are bringing home. 😉
You think that gap is scary? Our old kitchen had around a half foot gap where the counter “met” the stove but the cabinets were at a 90 degree angle to the stove and went into the corner. That’s a really awful description but the problem was you could see it but you couldn’t get to it to clean it because you only had a half foot to try and get into. We had the kitchen refitted and I eliminated all gaps.
My confession – I’m trying to lose weight but I just ate a giant cookie.
My gripe is cell phones. I love to have conversations with family and friends. I don’t love trying to have a conversation when I can only hear every other word or syllable. Or, the call gets dropped. Maybe it’s my antique (5yo) cell phone? Or, having T.Mobile? But, I’ve had that problem with other phones and service providers.
I also detest the space between the stove and cabinet.
And, sorry to say, but my jeans I have on are a bit short, but I got them cheap at Goodwill, and they’re comfy, so there! 🙂
Old cell phone? Goodwill pants? Is this my aunt Connie? ;-D
I am short, 5’3″ and I would rather wear my pants too long. I do not like short pants. I had my kids close together (for 4 days a year they are the same age) so they had each other to play with, so it wasnt too awful bad lol Im ocd so I wash everything, even if I just use a knife to open something, or use a measuring cup for sugar or flour. I hate when I am trying to shop, Im rushed and thats when everyone and their brother decides to call or text me. And I better answer of my phone will not shut up. I hate clutter, so I have one box I saved of the kids art/work and thats it. Sometimes now, I am so bad at throwing stuff away to reduce clutter that I trash stuff I needed. Oh well. 🙂 Have a great week.