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Confessions – March

Once a month, I share really stupid confessions that are honest and not shall we say “fake perfect blog” appropriate.

Let’s start off with something that I am sure will be controversial.  Shall we?

1) Short people who wear pants that are high waters, really piss me off.  I’m 6 ft, my sister is 6 ft, and I have a female cousin who is 6 ft 4.  Do any of us wear pants that are too short?  Hell no.

If we can find pants long enough, you can too shortie.  No freaking flipping excuses!

I had a roommate for years who was like 5 ft 1.  She had a problem with not being able to find pants short enough, so she would buy pants, and then pay $10 to have them hemmed.

NO EXCUSES.  BUY PANTS THAT ARE LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU.

2) I am convinced that Troy has my phone bugged and has hacked in to the face time feature and can literally spy on me so that he can only call me at the most inconvenient time.  There is simply no other way to explain how he only calls right after Jack and I get home and my arms are full of stuff, and Jack is hungry and whining, and my head is going to freaking explode because I’ve been up since 4:30 am.

Also, he has been known to call multiple times if you don’t pick up, so not only does he call at the worst possible time, but if you don’t drop everything and answer, the stupid phone just keeps ringing.

3) When I worked at my last company (corporate), once a year they would ship us somewhere lovely for a regional offsite.  The very first year I was at the company, they sent us to Cabo.  Rough life, right?

Well, I roomed with someone who was dating one of our coworkers.  Being super lame like I am, I called it a night by like 11 pm, while everyone else was enjoying the free drinks.  I have a thing where I need to fall asleep while watching TV.  I showered (cause it was like 567 degrees and humid), and then turned to it on to the movie channel (Out of Time with Denzel Washington), and promptly fell asleep.

The next morning at breakfast, my roomie and her boyfriend asked me how my night was.  I said it was pretty good, I took a shower, I watched TV, and fell asleep.  They burst out laughing.  I was a bit perplexed, and then had to wait until they stopped choking on their huevos rancheros to figure out what was so dang funny.

Turns out, that around midnight, the movie channel switched from PG to rated X.  I fell asleep watching a Denzel Washington, but when they walked in to our room, there was so pretty graphic Mexican porn on the tube.

To this day, I’m pretty sure neither of them believe my story, but I swear it is the truth!

4) Unless I am measuring liquids, I almost never wash my measuring cups and measuring spoons.  Salt?  Flour?  Baking soda?  It’s called knocking the cup or spoon on the side of the container and putting it back in the cupboard or drawer.

5) I almost never wash my bread knife.  It’s just bread.  It’s not like I’m cutting poop to make turd sandwiches.

6) From the time Jack was three, until a few weeks after turning four, I was convinced he didn’t really have a soul.  Three year olds are evil hell beasts.  I want another kid, but I’d love to ship them off when they turn three, and pick them up at four years and two weeks.

7) There are times when the weather outside is gross, and I’m feeling lazy, and I’m oh so tempted to just make a bag of Top Ramen.  Top Ramen was a childhood staple, and even though it so so full of sodium and crap, I can still taste the deliciousness.

8) I don’t know how to BBQ, but I also don’t want to learn.  Grilling is the ONE thing Troy will do in the kitchen, and it feels like a cooking vacation for me.

9) Jack’s preschool work gets put in the recycling every Sunday night.

That’s right, I said it.

This week, he had a picture made by his friend Cooper, and he said very conspiratorially “mommy, I just want to throw this away”, but I gave him a guilt trip about how it was something special and we should keep it.

I talked him out of putting in the recycling, because HIS stuff was right at the top of the bin from where I had chucked it the night before.

10) I am TERRIBLE at alphabetizing.  When I’m filing my client’s paperwork, I have to sing the ABC’s in my head, because after I get to “h”, it is kinda a blur.

11) I am terrified of this space between my counter and my oven.

God only knows what is in that crack.  Should our oven ever break, I’d rather grill (well have Troy grill) for the rest of my life, than have to move the oven and see what hell spawn has thrived in that dark and inhospitable environment.

What would you like to share this month?  Come on, unload, it feels great!

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44 comments on “Confessions – March”

  1. I am short, 5’3″ and I would rather wear my pants too long. I do not like short pants. I had my kids close together (for 4 days a year they are the same age) so they had each other to play with, so it wasnt too awful bad lol Im ocd so I wash everything, even if I just use a knife to open something, or use a measuring cup for sugar or flour. I hate when I am trying to shop, Im rushed and thats when everyone and their brother decides to call or text me. And I better answer of my phone will not shut up. I hate clutter, so I have one box I saved of the kids art/work and thats it. Sometimes now, I am so bad at throwing stuff away to reduce clutter that I trash stuff I needed. Oh well. 🙂 Have a great week.

  2. My gripe is cell phones. I love to have conversations with family and friends. I don’t love trying to have a conversation when I can only hear every other word or syllable. Or, the call gets dropped. Maybe it’s my antique (5yo) cell phone? Or, having T.Mobile? But, I’ve had that problem with other phones and service providers.
    I also detest the space between the stove and cabinet.
    And, sorry to say, but my jeans I have on are a bit short, but I got them cheap at Goodwill, and they’re comfy, so there! 🙂

  3. You think that gap is scary? Our old kitchen had around a half foot gap where the counter “met” the stove but the cabinets were at a 90 degree angle to the stove and went into the corner. That’s a really awful description but the problem was you could see it but you couldn’t get to it to clean it because you only had a half foot to try and get into. We had the kitchen refitted and I eliminated all gaps.

    My confession – I’m trying to lose weight but I just ate a giant cookie.

  4. Can I just say that I love you? or is that too creepy? Oh well, I do because it is like we are twins separated at birth. Though you are much taller then I am. 😉 I also toss the mega amounts of Kindergarten paperwork, way more then preschool ever produced, so be warned. I personally would turn my children over for wolves to raise from 3 until about 8 as they act like feral animals that whole time anyhow. I am more afraid of the space between my counter and the fridge as we have had two bats hanging out in that space over the course of 7 years living in our house. So now you are even more terrified of that gap, right? 😉 Also, do people really wash measuring spoons and cups after measuring dry ingredients? My mom and my neighbor have the knack for calling at the most inopportune times, just got home, trying to get food into the girl child who is STARVING and get dinner going, I don’t have time or hands to talk to you people right now. 😉 Keep up the good work. Love confessions day.

    • Nah, not creepy!

      Oh no, I’m in for more paperwork in kindergarten? Yipes!

      I’m sorry, did you say BATS?????

    • Yes, bats. I am hoping now that we had our roof replaced last summer that we will no longer get the bats as visitors in the summer. 😉 Yes, more paperwork and my kid is in the Montessori program so I can’t even imagine what kids in the traditional Kindergarten classes are bringing home. 😉

  5. I’m not a shorts person, so can’t comment on #1. I bought my first short pants (which are actually bermudas) last summer and only used them inside the house. To go outside, I got jeans on. Yikes on #3! I’m paranoid about wasting electricity, so I can’t even be in a room where the TV isnt getting attention. I remember my dad always taught us to put the timer on. Though I dont watch TV, I always turn them off when I go into empty rooms at the hotel or other places. Last, I do just wipe bread knives with a dry kitchen towel, or on my sleeve. It is just bread… it’s not greasy or anything. Oh, and I too have to sing the alphabet song. Everything at work is alphabetized, and I can sing it better in Spanish than in English, but I try it anyway and get lost before the L, then restart in Spanish.

    As for sharing… I don’t know my multiplication tables. I dont know 7, 8, 9 or 12. I can count them up from x1 up, but I couldnt, for example, tell you on the spot how much is 8*7. I feel I’m too old to learn this.

  6. Shhhh— I don’t wash the measuring cups either if I have just measured dry ingredients.

  7. I don’t wash my bread knife either! Do you know there are some people that regularly move their appliances and clean under and around them?? I am not one of those people, when we got a new stove I saw that space… terrifying!

  8. I’m 5’8″ and my kids thought my “mom jeans” were too short. Apparently down to the top of my shoe isn’t long enough and I must be stepping on the back of them with my heels…. (which is how my yoga pants fit – and my mom jeans shrunk terribly so that is all I wear. I AM working on this, just not very enthusiastically. I will gladly have a cookie with Heather)
    I think I say this every month, but I just LOVE your confession posts. Especially today’s. It is like you posted my favourite type of post just for my birthday! Thanks! (because I just know that you somehow knew that and did it intentionally 😉 )
    I am the opposite of you when it comes to measuring cups and spoons. Almost to the point of being anal about washing them. Except if I measure salt. That one always gets tossed back in the drawer.
    I do just wipe my bread knife to get the crumbs off it though. I know, I make no sense…. I pull out my fridge and stove about twice a year and clean behind/beside them and am disgusted every time.
    I used to place the kids work on top of the fridge, out of sight for a little while, just in case they asked for a piece, which DID happen from time to time. Then I would recycle.
    I used to go into their rooms, pick out stuffed animals they didn’t love any more (they multiply at night, I am positive!) and hide them in a garbage bag for several weeks. If it wasn’t noticed, they went to the thrift shop. One time a daughter complained that she couldn’t find a specific stuffy. It magically materialized while she was at school. They STILL hold this against me! (they are 16 and 20 now) NEVER tell Jack that you do stuff like this!!!!!!!!!
    I don’t file alphabetically often, but I say my alphabet too. I am not smart enough to do it in my head either, so I get laughed at by my kids when I inevitably get caught.
    Thanks for the fun start to my day!!!!!!
    🙂

  9. Being short myself, their problem might not be that they can’t find pants that are long enough but Capri pants that are short enough. Capris are my fashion nemesis, they make me look like I’m wearing high waters.

    • I totally agree and relate…as a short-arse myself, it is easy to get regular pants long enough but capris are always too bloody long. They never look like they should and kind of just hang in that inbetween place…too long and not short enough!! LOL

    • No, these are definitely pants pants that are meant to be longer. Most people don’t wear capris in winter.

      My former short roommate and I would wash darks together, and I’d accidentally grab her jeans thinking they were my capris. She was not amused!

  10. you people use the spoon to measure salt? i just dump some in my hand and say “ya, that looks about right”. (and yes, I do wash my hands before cooking anything!)

    I hate it when people hover around me. if i’m cooking, my husband feels the need to hover where-ever-i need-to-be-at-that-moment. at work, i have this woman who hovers in my cube (thankfully, i only see her on thursdays). she hovers there and then tells me what to do. really? i don’t know what to do after 3 1/2 years? gee, thanks for the insight. actually, while i’m complaining about her, she started to tell me what the word congealed means. i freakin’ know what the word means, could you leave me alone now!
    oh, the papers i have thrown away from my son’s school. i have only kept a couple of papers and that’s it. i have however, kept all of his baby teeth and mothers day cards he made me over the years. i wonder how grossed out he’ll be when he finds the teeth later on after i die!

    • I have to measure salt, if I eyeball it, I tend to overdo it! Yuck.
      I still have my kids’ teeth too. They know and aren’t grossed out about that, but they are about the fact that I still have my wisdom teeth. In a tiny box. In the same spot as their baby teeth!

    • I measure salt for desserts, but not for cooking for baking bread. I’m a handful kinda girl.

      My sister and I found all the teeth in a jewelry box in my mom’s underwear drawer.

  11. and by the way…my husband also calls at the worst times and if i don’t answer, he first leaves me a “why don’t you ever answer your phone” message, THEN he calls repeatedly until i answer by saying “WHAT!?!” then wonders why i am mad.

  12. Haha. I throw away all my kids art work too. They get so mad at me but I keep remind them that if I kept every single piece of paper they ever drew on we would be on horders- and Momma doesn’t want to be on horders. I can’t stand clutter. If the did a great job on a piece of Art or a test or homework- it gets a place of honor on the fridge for a bit- then into the trash it goes.

  13. Love the confessions!
    As a person of limited height (5′ 1″), I am also bugged by people who wear pants that are too short. Like Eliza said, capris are not meant for short people. Oh, and I can’t STAND short shorts. Really, there is no need for your butt to be hanging out of your shorts, not matter how nice of a butt you happen to have. Personally, I like my shorts to just a little over the knee, but it’s almost impossible to find them that length. Oh, and girls shorts. We spend so much time last year looking for shorts for my 7 year old that were an appropriate length. Were we sucessful? No, she wore pants almost all summer, except for the few pairs of shorts I was able to make for her. Stupid clothing companies.
    I am still hating school. I want to throw a tantrum every night when I realize I have school work to do. The learning I am enjoying, the pressure to do assignments and tests and projects- hell no.
    We have been eating raw veggies and deviled eggs for supper for the last few days because I have been too lazy to cook. I have a week off from school, so really, all I want to do is my own thing. I’ve been so unmotivated to cook that the hubby and I are trying out a meal replacement protein shake. Kinda goes against everything food wise we believe in, but hey, it’s organic with no artificial ingredients at least.
    Now I can feel less guilty about putting the measuring spoons/cups away unwashed!
    Thanks for the opportunity to confess!

  14. Sara–I’ve been lurking at your site for years now. You are the only blog that I view religiously–refreshingly honest, informative and entertaining!!
    As I deal with my meerkat of a 3 year old, I keep thinking how you griped about Jack at 3 years. So glad to hear that you have come out of this!!!! Did it happen gradually or was it like a switch was hit?

    • Ah, well thank you, and welcome to life outside of the lurking closet!

      Oh my meerkats, 3 year olds are hell spawn. I didn’t even like Jack at three and I’m the one person in the whole world who is supposed to like him. He was such a meerkat bag at three.

      You know, I think it was gradual. I remember texting my friend Anne one day about a month after Jack turned four, and I said something along the lines of “I actually enjoyed hanging out with my kid today. I didn’t feel the desire to throat punch him once”. That same friend Anne said there needs to be a “it gets better” campaign for parents of 3 year olds.

      Not sure how old your kiddo is, but my friend’s daughter is 3 years 11 months, and she said the “change” came around last week.

      Hang in there!

  15. Just so you know ( and I am 5ft 1) the too short pants are probably capri’s. If I buy a pair of capri’s inevitably they are too long and look like high waters. Just sayin!

  16. Love the confessions…..let’s see. My favorite word now has been ‘a-hole’. Don’t say it to others, but I have fun thinking it. Keep in mind I have an 18 year old son who knows everything, and work in preschool/ elementary schools with behavior problems. Had a kid spit full into my face yesterday, and had to tell my doc last week at my exam, no that’s a bruise….a kid at work kicked me. The kids at work are all nuts because of our awful Chicago weather, and the staff aren’t much better off. I thought my son was great until aged four when he turned ..unreasonable……it seems like every four years he’s had a tough time (4, 8 , 12…maybe now I’m done). Even better, my husband points out when I get impatient “do you talk to your students like that?”, and I say, “no because they listen to my wise advice”. It’s still a long ass way to spring break but I feel better now. : )

  17. I give those spoons & cups a quick rinse, but I actually like to stand at the sink & wash stuff. Very weird, I know. I despise capris, because they just look like highwaters on me (I’m 5′ 6″) My son was AWFUL as a teenager, Surly was his middle name. My big confession is that I haven’t finished a single big project since I’ve been home. I have no excuse, because they’re fun ones, like painting a wall, painting some cabinets, sewing new curtains, etc. All I want to do is roam through Pinterest & not cook lol!

  18. #6.. i am living # 6…

  19. Since I just finished teaching a course at work this week, my pet peeve this month is on cell phones.

    Why is it that most people would agree that yawning right in front of you while you are talking to them would be rude but checking their cell phones every 5 minutes is OK? And texting!? It’s OK to text someone while I’m teaching you?? I would never have thought I had to ask people to shut them off at the beginning.

    I find a lot of people I work with now have absolutely no cell phone manners. The problem wasn’t on quite the same level when I lived in Europe. PUT AWAY THE PHONE PEOPLE! YOU AREN’T THAT IMPORTANT!

    OK, I’m done.

    • I am a CHRONIC yawner, to the point where a professor in college pulled me aside to say how rude I was. I explained I just always yawn no matter how much sleep I got, but that I was actively engaged in class and my 4.0 proved that. I just yawn a lot!

      That being said, when I am with someone for long enough that I know yawns will happen, I warn them ahead of time. I know myself and my mouth, and that sucker is going to open after 5 minutes of sitting.

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  21. Yeah, I’m 5’1″ and I hate pants that are too short, though thaat comes from my teenage years and long bellbottoms! And the high waist thing? It’s probably because most of us short people have no waist to speak of, I only have an inch between my last rib and the top of my pelvis. I either buy pants that ride too high or get the droopy bottoms! Being overweight as well just adds to the problem. I have bought one brand of jeans for years and I just heard they aren’t going to be making them anymore, of course. I think those of us that spend a lot of time cooking tend to do the shortcut no wash thing. Though when the bread knife gets gummy I do wash it!

  22. OK, this is my “first time”… here we go… I’m tall, so I love Capri pants.. solves the whole too short/too long issue for me.

    I don’t think I own anything my son made in school…I’m a bad mom… but I do have a special box of my grandson’s artwork. If it was something special it went into the box immediately, if it got left out too long.. yup into the trash it went. As he grows less and less get into the box… drawings from a 9 y.o. boy generally include some type of monsters, aliens etc battling it out… I mean how many of those art themes can one grandma have?

    I’m bragging now… I once had my stove replaced and the delivery man actually bragged about it being the cleanest under the stove that he had ever seen… he had some real horror stories about things found behind appliances…. I didn’t tell him it was because the flooring was just replaced the prior month in the kitchen… ssssh…… out secret.

    I wash my measuring cups and spoons and only sometimes the bread knife…. I do however occasionally reuse paper plates.

    At work everyone I know including myself sings the alphabet song… some should practice more as their filing skills leave a lot to be desired… I also count on my fingers on occasion too.

    Well this has been fun, be back next week with more “confessions” Love your blog, it’s just too funny!

  23. I don’t wash the measuring cups or spoons after dry ingredients, either. I might give the spoons a quick wipe with a dry towel … or not, depending on my mood.

    My son actually never turned into Satan’s spawn as a toddler. He saved it for after he started driving. I love him dearly, but to this day I don’t trust a word he says, as he turned into pretty much a perpetual liar. It’s very disappointing. He moved away shortly after his 19th birthday. I miss him, but secretly I am relieved, too, as I don’t have to put up with him lying to my face about everything. I’m not one of these parents who broke down in freak-out mode when their kid moved away. I thought it was great ’cause he was about to find out how good he had it at home. My husband took it harder than I did.

    I swear like a meerkating sailor when I’m at home by myself, but my DH and kid have never heard me say a four-letter word once unless I was quoting someone. I think maybe I used the word “pissed” at my son once when I was really angry, but not until he graduated.

    • My youngest son was the same way–at 13!! We had a stint with Juvie court, and a little time in jail for vandalism when he was in college. That seems to have cured him of the worst habits, at least he finally straightened up. My oldest son waited until he was in his mid twenties to give me gray hair over his antics. It took six months in jail over a trumped up case to make him think long and hard about his life choices and some of his questionable friends, now if I could just find him a nice girl to marry! I think it actually takes moving away from mom and dad for most kids to realize their parents really do love them and want the best for them. If they just didn’t drive us crazy doing it…

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  25. Oops! Accidentally deleted it the first time around.

    OMG, number 5 slayed me. You and your poop and fart jokes. They’re just the best.

    Alright, here are two of my confessions:

    1. I hate brushing my teeth before going to bed. I’m just too tired to be bothered, but the ONLY reason I do it is so Mr. J won’t be totally repulsed by me in the morning. He clearly doesn’t appreciate the effort I put in so he can kiss me before breakfast. Men. *eye roll*

    2. I’m addicted to Deadly Women on Netflix. The show’s true crime stories are fascinating, but the best parts are the overly dramatic reenactments and the (unintentionally) hilarious commentary by Candice DeLong. I’ve watched every episode twice and still want to watch them again. Now I have to avoid the living room completely when I have free time so I won’t turn it on. It’s sick, really.

  26. Maybe the short people are buying child size pants?

    And since you bring up pant length, can we talk about how ridiculously long they make “average” length pants these days? At 5′ 5 1/2″ I’m taller than the average height, but I would have to wear stripper heels to keep the legs of most pants from dragging on the ground. Also, why do pants get so much longer as the size gets larger? I need the bigger size because I have a bit of fat on me, not because I’m a blown-up version of a skinny person.

    • I agree! I am only 5′ 2″ and if i try petite size, they are as short as capris but it if i grab a pair of ‘regular’ i have to hem them 4 inches or so! I just don’t get it.

  27. Ditto on the three year old!! I wash measuring cups/spoons, but I have this cool conical measurer for dry ingredients I don’t wash.

    My confession – the day my husband died, one of the first thing I did was move the kitchen scissors back to the top drawer after he’d decided they should live in the second drawer. And it was satisfying. I miss him terribly, but some things just gave me the meerkats.

  28. #4 and #5…I thought I was the only one. Usually when I am dusting off the knife to put it back, I am reciting some defense in my head in case anyone ever busts me.