Confession is good for the soul, so once a month I love to unleash my dark thoughts to clear my mind.
1) When my husband sneezes, he acts like no one in the world has ever sneezed before. Like no one on earth could understand what just happened to him. It makes me want to yell “it’s a fucking sneeze, move on”.
2) I have a disorder where I literally can not shop for greeting cards or walk in to a bookstore without having to poop. It is a curse, but it came in handy when I was pregnant and you know…
3) Troy once told me that I look like Claire Danes. Now when I watch Homeland, I think “am I that crazy”? Probably.
4) To a slow car in front of me, I have uttered the words “hurry the fuck up, I am late for church”. And before you feel the need to email me and tell me that I shouldn’t swear because it isn’t a Christian thing to do, please just know in advance that I will kindly respond to your email and tell you that as a Christian you shouldn’t judge. Then I’ll ask you how the plank in your eye is feeling (whaaaaa…the swearing Lutheran can quote scripture…?).
5) Now I kinda want to rename my blog “The Swearing Lutheran”.
6) I want to fly down to Los Angeles just to slap Justin Bieber and tell him to put a fucking shirt on. Hey, Beebs, you are so freaking skinny and should not be walking around sans shirts.
7) For someone who claims to always be busy, I spend a wee bit too much time on Perezhilton and GoFugYourself.
8) Whenever “play date” is listed on my meal plan, it means McDonalds.
Jack has a play date every other month with a friend and her brother, and they prefer McDonalds.
9) I would love to push Kanye West over a cliff.
10) I get really resentful that most successful bloggers are SAHM. It seems like the deck is stacked against me to ever make this a real thing.
11) If given the chance, I’d probably cut Miley Cyrus’ tongue off. Girl needs a good scrub down, some religion, and a nap.
How about you? What would you like to unleash from your heart?