One of my favorite times of the month – confessions! It’s when I unleash some verbal diarrhea, then you do it, and we all feel great, free, and are ready to move on with our lives. Let’s go!
- I don’t understand the point of fingerless gloves. At all. Explain this to me please. “Oh, my palms are so cozy, but my finger tips are ice cold”. Huh?
- I’m disappointed in this blog author that I read. I recently started rereading her blog from the beginning and she used to be so funny, and real. She cursed, she said what she thought, and now she’s just some fake flowery version of her former self. Makes me sad because those early posts seemed so legit, and now I feel like I’m reading the musings of a mannequin in a Macys window.
- I think Troy purposely is terrible at hanging clothes up on our drying rack. I think he hopes I just say “oh fuck it, you can stop hanging clothes up, I’ll do it”. I will not give in though, and crappy hanging or not, he has to keep on it. I’m on to you though honey.
- I really hate the end of summer on NPR. They have all the high school interns who worked there over the summer produce these little segments. And I’m sure we’re supposed to be super impressed that these kids did such great things, but I just can’t stand their “stories”. They use every NPR d-bag trick known to man and shove them in to the three minutes they have. Soft whispering voices, taking huge pauses in-between sentences, and playing music in the background the WHOLE time. All I can think when I hear them is “future pretentious a-holes”. And I love NPR, so I guess I’m a pretentious a-hole too. I’m ok with that, but at least I’m not pretentious with a soundtrack.
- Our neighbor is a full-time single dad (ex is no longer in the picture), and he’s a great dad. He works a ton, and his son is wonderful and Jack adores him. I invite the little boy over all the time, and I think my neighbor thinks it is because I want to give him a break. That’s nice and all, but the real reason I do it is because his kid plays with Jack and they distract each other so I can get shit done.
- I am really sick of people wearing dumb hats all the time. Almost no one looks good in a fedora, and celebrities who wear those scrunchy wool hats in the summer in Los Angeles to look “cool” make me want to slap an idiot.
- We still use a baby monitor for Jack. He’s five and a half years old. And it’s a video monitor. I have no idea why.
- We didn’t get a normal ear thermometer for way too long. I think Jack was three when he finally said “can you stop sticking that thing in my butt please”. Ooops.
- At my six weeks post partum check up after Jack, I had to laugh when my OB asked me what kind of birth control I was using. I said “um, it’s called having a six week old baby, and still crying when I poop”. She laughed so hard, and always brings it up at my yearly exam.
- Whenever I see a new stories describing a missing kid as “x feet tall and weighing x lbs”, I think “I’m screwed”. I seriously can’t remember how tall Jack is and how much he weighs. Go me.
- I cannot be trusted to put the lids on leftovers in the fridge. After dinner, I put food in glass containers for our lunches the next day, and then put them in the fridge to cool down. I got a 100% on my food handlers permit like 10 years ago, so I remember you’re not supposed to put lids on hot food. Well, I NEVER remember to put the lids back on them before going to bed. Troy has to do it; I can’t be relied upon to handle this chore on my own.
- When Jack and I walk to the library, he plays on the learning computer, and I read magazines. I love looking through Cooking Light, stealing recipes, and then using real butter and heavy cream instead of “cooking spray, and non-fat milk”.
Phew, I feel better. Now it’s your turn!