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Confessions, September

Let’s get right down to it, shall we?

1) Jack and I were driving to work one day, when I saw a women I knew walking to the bus.  She works at the daycare center next to my work, and we see each other outside during lunches.  I stopped to give her a ride and she was very sweet and thankful about it.  Turns out she has five kids (FIVE) and takes the bus because she doesn’t have a car.

I see her from time to time and will always stop and give her a ride; probably about twice a week.

This has been going on all summer now.

I don’t know her name!  At this point I’m too embarrassed about it and can’t ask her what it is, and if I asked Jack to ask her, he’d say “my mommy wants me to ask what your name is”.  I’m stuck!

2) Troy is gone more than he is home.  I’ve always loved sleeping alone because Troy is a horrible snorer and I’m such a light sleeper.

I’m not sure how it happened, or when it happened, but I started having something almost like anxiety about being alone in the house.  Not that I’m scared or anything, but nervous that something might happen to Jack, and it would be my fault.

I put him to bed in his room each night, and every night that Troy is away, I bring him in to my bed.  Jack has never been a kid who wants to be in bed with adults, but he is asleep when I do it, and he won’t wake up for a bomb.

Every night while I am brushing my teeth, I say I’m going to leave him in his bed.  And every night, I bring him in to mine.  I can’t explain it, but I know it will pass.

3) A reader once sent me an email trying to be helpful explaining to me that in my writing I’m trying too hard to come across as “kooky”.  I sent her a very thoughtful and lengthy reply, and the chick never wrote me back.  That annoyed the hell out of me – freaking respond!

4) I have a client who is ESL (English as a Second Language), and her English is really really poor.  She tries super hard and is extremely kind.  She always pops by my office unannounced and her  questions take a long time to answer.

One of the first times she stopped by, she told me I was very pretty.  I thanked her for her compliment, and said she was very sweet.  Ever since then, she has something very similar when she leaves our appointment.

Then one day she didn’t say it, and I wanted to shout after her “do I look ugly today or something?  Is it my hair?  My clothes”?

5) For someone who spends a lot of time writing and wordsmithing, I am HORRIBLE at Words With Friends.  Absolutely atrocious. 

6) I’m finding myself liking British period dramas and comedies, but I can’t stand Downton Abbey.  I tried three episodes, but I couldn’t get in to it.  Maybe I should try again?

7) As I’ve aged, I’ve become so much more honest with myself.  Things I previously swept under the rug, I can freely declare with confidence.

So, here we go. 

I cannot stand The Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Their music is absolutely terrible.  Just terrible.

Oh my, that felt good to get off my chest.

8) When I see bloggers posting photos of their huge families all wearing homemade clothes and working in their garden, I want to both laugh and shout.  I don’t have any help in my garden, nor can I make homemade clothes.  But what really gets my dander up is that the mom is always wearing a skirt. 

Who in the hell wears a skirt gardening?

I wear shorts, or grungy warm up pants and still find dirt in strange places on myself.  Not to mention, radishes don’t want to see your vagina.

9) I fluctuate constantly between wanting to throttle Troy for putting us through this shithole experience, and being really proud of how hard he works.

Ok folks, your turn.  Get those secrets and weighty thoughts off of your chest!

Yo yo, head’s up, this post might contain affiliate links which help to support my site. And my canning, seed buying, and aggressive saving habits.

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42 comments on “Confessions, September”

  1. LMAO!!!! I too am not a fan of the Red Hot Chili Peppers!! And oh my God the skirts, the smiles, the uber-helpful children… not in my world!! However I feel the vagina is probably not viewable – there are probably granny panties under there 🙂

  2. I have a 6 year old, a 12 month old and a 8 week old. It is obvious and well know the 3rd was a surprise. Now I have to figure out how to answer the baby book questions with out him knowing he was a mistake that I cried about for 3 months. I love him more than the world and we cannot imagine our lives without him, but do I lie in the book?

    • I don’t know you, nor can I even imagine this scenario … however the overwhelming feeling that comes across from what you posted above, is that your little man is an irreplaceable part of your family. My gut says, be honest … just be conscious of your phrasing. ‘Surprise’ IS different than ‘accident’. And like anything, change can be difficult. Lots of good things happen in our lives that we don’t plan for … they just show up. I think it’s ok to express how difficult things were at the beginning, but highlight the foundation that he has brought insurmountable joy to your family.

      And I will also say – the fact that you are thinking about how you want to address this, speaks tons of how much you care for him, and how determined you are to be the best parent you can be. You rock girl!

    • Thank you so much for the positive words and encouragement.

    • My twins were unplanned babies and I have always told them that is because God knew how much I needed them in my life and I could not imagine my life without them.

    • I have always told my unplanned kids that they were a surprise! It is completely true and removes any negativity. They are now all adults now and never had any issues or negativity around it at all.

  3. Love this post 🙂 Thanks for my morning smile – it’s nice to know I’m not the only one out there who sees pictures or reads blogs and wonder “are these people for real?”

  4. I ate chocolate bars for five days in a row now.
    At least they have nuts in them, I guess.

  5. Lol! I love this post! I have been a reader/follower for about a year now, and I rarely comment (shy) but this post cracked me up and inspired me to comment. I really loathe The Red Hot Chili Peppers too. And Tom Hanks movies. And I will never be one of those people who makes their clothing, and I try really hard with my garden but I definitely wear grungy clothes.

    Last night I made homemade tomato soup with tomatoes from my garden, and served it with cheese quesadillas. 🙂 Thanks for always posting your menu for the week!

  6. @1: Just ask her “how do you spell your name, again?” Then maybe send her a random “Thank you” note or make her cookies with the name on the package, so it seems that’s why you asked for her name. Or just start a convo about names and the story behind yours, or Troy’s, and maybe she will open up about it. I can relate to #1 because I am HORRIBLE at remembering people’s names. Last names? Not unless I must, which I do for business stuff.
    Lol @ 4. I often try to compliment people, but I know some just do not like to be complimented often and it makes them feel awkward. Has nothing to do with the person.

    – People who take perfect photos and claim it’s the subject/technique and not the freaking awesome $3,999 fully loaded camera sort of annoy me. Like my sister in law. She’s a photographer and insists the camera has little to do with it, and that I can take such an amazing photo with my 5MP camera.
    – I eat a lot of crappy looking stuff, when I do eat. Honestly. I feel horrible that my landlord asked me if we wanted to alternate making meals, because I don’t want to put the effort or funds in cooking a real meal. 90% of the time, I’ll just eat some sort of meat and a bowl of microwaved veggies. And I’ll eat leftovers for 3+ days in a row. Not very appealing to normal people.
    – If people try to “dispell” my hydrophobia ONE. MORE. TIME…
    – Though Spanish is my second language, I will not speak it in public (or online) unless absolutely necessary.

  7. I had to take you down a peg for hating on RHCP. It was a little peg, but a peg nonetheless.

    But then I read the sentence, “Not to mention, radishes don’t want to see your vagina,” and my adoration was fully renewed.

    My confession is that I want to punch the next person who says, “Don’t worry, another job will come along soon!” right in the throat. Real hard.

  8. 1. i was told not too long ago that i was pregnancy fat. so i counted calories and lost two pounds by the next dr. appt, kept up the calorie counting (which i loathe, btw) and went up 5 pounds at the following dr. appt. so i said fuck it, i’ll just breast feed the pounds off. and now i’m eating a lot of pirate’s booty and cookies (and kale – i’m not a monster) and i’m a much happier preggers.

    2. i’ve tried to garden. i want to garden. i have a black thumb. and i’m lazy. and that combination pisses me off.

    3. i got my first paid writing gig and even though it’s only writing somebody’s bio for their resume, i’m super proud of myself.

    4. i want to start a blog, but i haven’t. i’m scared of technology, which i think makes me a weenie and a slacker. i need to get the fuck over it, but it’s a slow process.

    5. when i’m craving sweets and we don’t have any in the house, i’ll mix up some butter, brown sugar, flour and oats and eat it raw and it is so so satisfying. and disgusting. and so satisfying.

  9. I hate when I forget someones name and then have to ask for it again. Makes me feel dumb. Kids names? I never seem to forget those, but the parents are another story.

    We homeschool (in the loosest sense of the word) our 7 year old daughter. The last couple weeks have been crazy stressful with an upcoming move, vacation, and on-line college classes all stressing me out, not to mention the fact that the kiddo and I always seem to be butting heads or yelling at each other and the hubby is miserable at work. I have sort of fantasized about dumping her into public school just for a break.

    Or telling my husband he can’t go out and ride his bike every night after work because I WANT A FREAKING NIGHT OFF! To go study…

    I also have this disturbing fantasy where I end up sick or hurt and in the hospital for a few days so that the hubby and kiddo have to fend for themselves and maybe get a clue as to how good they have it.

    I’ve been known to garden in a (handmade) skirt, only because skirts are stupid easy and cheap to make, so I have more of those then I do pants or shorts. Actually, my one pair of grungy work jeans (and jean shorts) are about 4 sizes to big because I am to cheap to go out and thrift a “new” pair that actually fit. I’d rather spend the money on healthy food or student loans. However, my kid is not the helpful sort you see on those blogs you mentioned. She’s more like the characters in the Little Red Hen.

    I actually love my family and the life we are living, but I am so ready for some recognition and kudos for all that I do.

    • Or telling my husband he can’t go out and ride his bike every night after work because I WANT A FREAKING NIGHT OFF! To go study…

      I also have this disturbing fantasy where I end up sick or hurt and in the hospital for a few days so that the hubby and kiddo have to fend for themselves and maybe get a clue as to how good they have it.


  10. 1) all jeans and shirts seem to have turned into my “work cloths” because im too lazy to go into the house and change when i decide to work outside….

    2) even though i told my husband that i could do this farming thing with little help because he has to travel so far, i am really starting to resent the fact that he enjoys the benefits of fresh eggs, veg and chicken without helping out one damn bit! i mean really, get up from your stupid weekend nap and help me dig the stupid ditch for the pig pallet fence already!!!!!

    3) even though i cook wonderfully healthy for my kid and husband, and people always complement me on how much we do for ourselves (homade soaps, bread soup etc) i have not eaten a peace of fruit or drank a glass of water in over a month…. chocolate and tea however….

  11. I’m horrible at names and have found myself in your exact same situation several times. I’ve found the best way to deal with it….just be honest!!

    I have a pad and pen ready and say to them, “You are probably going to think I’m nuts, but I’m horrible with remembering names if I don’t actually write them down. Please help me by giving me the correct spelling of your first and last name”.

    This works for me every time. I get the name and can remember it after I write it a few times and associate it with a way to remember it. Do this while you are having lunch with her.

    I think it’s great that you give her rides and save her bus fare….I’m sure she appreciates it and will have no problem forgiving you for your name lapse!

    I’m a very outspoken person and will usually just tell someone what is bothering me. We either work it out or part ways and I’m not bothered anymore.

    1. Poor grammar and spelling in blogs drives me nuts and I want to correct the blog and send it back to the blogger…..but don’t because I’m sure they would block me from their blog!! Incorrect use of ‘I’ and ‘me’ is the worst!!

    2. Perfect blog families also drive me nuts….and some of the handmade clothes look so tacky!!

    3. All the blog commenters that gush over how fantastic the tacky clothes are make me want to puke. Surely they can see how awful the husband’s handmade bow tie and hat look!!

    4. Organic is a joke…I’m from a farming state…wind and rain makes organic impossible….no farm is pesticide free. People are wasting money and think they are eating healthier!!

    5. Women who blog about making their own kotex and toilet paper are nasty freaks.

    6. I hate people that chronically late and stop socializing with them…..and the same for people who mess with their cell phone while with me.

    That’s my list of a advise and confessions, for today!! I hope you start having “Confession Day” every month!! This is great!! I love your money saving tips and tricks….keep up the good work and hang in there!!

  12. Just wandered around your site and found other Confession posts!!!

  13. HA! I’m sorry the radish comment got me giggling. WHO DOES WEAR A SKIRT? I guess because a large percentage of those bloggers and the “God made women to wear skirts and obey their husbands crowd”, and while I applaud their sacrifice, ain’t nobody got time fa dat. 😉 Love your posts, keep up the kookiness!


    • Ok time to confess hear. I have half a dozen old peasant skirts from the thrift store. I wear these out in the garden and for housework in the summer. Summer mind you. Because as a bigger gal, I get super hot and find that skirts are much cooler than shorts. I am not a Christian and I sure as hell do not obey my husband.

  14. I feel like such a slacker, because my garden never got out of the planning phase (thanks for never building my raised planters , honey)
    I hate working full time & wish that I could cut my hours. But I really like having enough money…
    I saved up & bought myself a really expensive toy, & I still don’t know how to work it because I haven’t played with it since it came in. & I even had a week’s vacation!

    • Ohhhhhh, whatcha buy!

      I killed all my seedlings this year and had to buy from the farmer’s market. Repeat after me, because you’ll learn this saying a lot “there is always next year”!

  15. I get how you feel about being alone at night, but after 34 years, I’m ready for an occasional alone night! (That seems to be the most common complaint of women, have you noticed?) I’ve only been away from my husband one time, for six months, before we moved to Washington from Oklahoma. He moved here first and then I joined him. I was living with some of my grown children, but I was still lonely at night.

    It would be nice to have an occasional day to myself though, now. He’s retired and I care for his brother who has Down’s, so I never really get a day off or time alone. I could go somewhere, but I just really want the house to myself, ya know? And Tina–it eventually gets better, trust me! We homeschooled four kids, and somedays I just wanted to run away from home! Fortunately I was working at the time and I could get away. Maybe you can arrange to go visit some family for a couple of days vacation? I guess when I think of my mom, who is 76 now and has outlived two husbands, I realize it could be worse.

    I kind of like RHCP, but just some of their stuff. There are very few groups that I like everything they do. (Hey, I grew up with the Beatles and the Beach Boys.)

    Those weird types who garden and raise kids and do everything like you mention annoy the piss out of me, too! And especially the skirt bit! I live in my mom jeans, too fat for anything else and can’t seem to battle the weight off. Besides, jeans are comfortable and they cover absolutely everything I don’t want anyone to see who isn’t a doctor or my husband, and they have a license to see it. And skirts just don’t seem to stay where I put them anymore, I also have a mom figure now. I’m at the stage where I’m not even sure I ever want to wear a dress even, and haven’t owned one for…uhm…twenty years now, I think?

    I hate gardening, the heat, the bugs, dirt, you get my drift here? But I’m going to have to soon because the price of food is ridiculous and I don’t like what they put in some of it. I’m a good cook at least, but I’ve gotten tired of doing it every day after 34 years. Now I know why Grandad took Grandma out for dinner nearly every day, that’s what I call true love!

    My kids were more like “Malcolm in the Middle” than “Little House on the Prairie”, or normal is what I called them. They actually turned out pretty good for all the chaos and I’m proud of them everyday. I have a couple of deadly cute gradkids too.

    I enjoy your blog in my email everyday–you’ve had some great recipes, funny stories, and even some good ideas/advice. I even envy you being able to be so organized and doing the storage and canning things. Keep up the good work!

    And if someone thinks you come across as too “kooky”, celebrate it! It’s who you are and that’s all they need to know. They can always read somebody else’s blog if they don’t like it. We’re all kooky in some way, and the ones who thinks it’s weird are the kookiest of all!

    • I think you deserve a whole week of doing nothing, sleeping alone, and having someone else cook for you!

      I don’t worry about the whole kooky thing. I am who I am, and I’m not going to change or pretend I’m not for someone else. That is basically what I told her in a very nice away. Along the lines of “if you read my posts waaaaay back from 2010, you’ll see I have the same voice I do now. It would be awfully exhausting to keep up a charade that long”.

  16. Ask her what her name is. When she gives you a weird look with her name say NO. I meant your last name cause I met someone I thought for sure mite be related to you (at random spot ).
    Long time stalker enjoying your kookiness whether intended or not 😉

  17. How about discussing nicknames (hers, yours (as a child, now), your son’s, her kids etc. so it’s not so specific)? You may actually figure out her name (e.g. Lizzie for Elizabeth) or you may find a nickname that she prefers to be called. Using the same example maybe she would use Elizabeth at work but her friends call her Lizzie.

  18. 1)I LOVE your blogs– never thought it sounded like you were trying to be “kooky”. It’s a very natural “kooky” that totally cracks me up!
    *I can’t stand people who try to give others complexes*
    If you have nothing nice to say (about someone), don’t say anything at all, eh?

    2)I have a growing hatred for the movie Bambi and all deer in general. Even more so, I am becoming resentful living ‘in-city’ and not being allowed to shoot the lovely buck that uses my garden as a buffet on a daily basis.
    So far he has eaten:

    -4 beautiful heirloom tomato plants (waiting until just BEFORE they are ripe). I have not had a single tomato yet!
    -3 bell pepper plants
    -1 okra plant that he ate, dug up, and threw onto my strawberry patch.
    -Trampling my raised garden beds, smooching my kale and greens.
    -OH! and also, completely killed one of my cherry trees with his antlers. (I only have 2 cherry trees— so good luck with no pollination!)

    My husband got out his skil-saw the other day (loud scary noises!) to no avil. Mr. Big Buck just stood there with his massive rack, chewing, staring at us. He was about 200 feet away.

    I was going to “run him off” until my hubby stopped me and informed me that he would “kill me dead”.
    Apparently deer are dangerous creatures that gore people when threatened.

    Yup, it’s official. I hate deer.

  19. I was at a playdate at a mom friends pool this summer and I had to sign in but I had to put her name…. Ummm, first name is Hana…last name is??? Hey how do you spell your last name? It is Santigo…oh, sorry. I feel your pain 🙂 I would say that you want to know what she wants Jack to call her. In VA, we are sort of southern and people call Ms. and there first names and others go by last names so just ask what she would prefer Jack call her and it is still super proper. I agree on the skirt gardening but I guess whatever people want in their own yards right 🙂

  20. Do give Downton Abbey another try. I just got the 2nd second season from the library and love it!

  21. I spit coffee out (through my nose) when I read the part about radishes not wanting to see vaginas. I thoroughly enjoy the kookiness and quirkiness of your blog. Some people like to hide behind a photograph of how they WANT you to see their lives. Others prefer Polaroids that embrace the craziness and reality! That is why I love reading your blog.
    My confessions:
    1. I learned that if you unwrap gummies or chocolates while the sink water is running, your kids don’t hear what you are doing and you don’t have to share.
    2. While all of the super moms were talking about how they have a giant case of the sads because they aren’t ready for their sweet babies to go back to school and how they will truly miss the sounds of their beautiful voices playing… i was doing giant happy dance while singing “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!!!” (anyone remember that staples commercial?!)
    3. All moms have it super hard, whether they stay at home or leave to work (I stay at home.. for now). A while ago on facebook a friend posted an e-card that said: “I hear you. Raising kids and running a house keep me busy too. I also have this little gig on the side called a full time job.” My confession is that I let it make me cry, for a moment. I try to be all tough and strong and confident about being a stay at home mom but that cut deep. It was mean and hurtful but I am sure someone along the line made her feel just as bad for being a working mom and that is why she posted it.
    4. I think I secretly want to read “50 shades of Grey” just to see what all the hype is about.

    • I’m pretty sure I’ll be thrilled when school is back in session when Jack is in “real” school.

      Oh, I’m sorry about #3. I don’t know why we all insist on judging anyone else for how they’ve chosen to live their lives. I get where she is coming from, and I think you’re very gracious in acknowledging that someone else probably made her feel bad. But honestly, she didn’t need to then extend the hurt!

  22. I’m terrible with names too! I would think of a reason you might need her phone number and ask her to program it into you phone for you because you are driving and you can’t mess with a phone while driving.

    My confessions…

    I am so tired of LOL. I read it in a valley girl accent and fake laugh every time I come across it.

    I will not acknowledge anyone who makes the sound “twerk”. I say sound because I absolutely refuse to accept it as an actual word! If someone tries to use it in a sentence I immediately think you are an idiot and I want nothing to do with you!

    I can’t stand materialistic people. I especially hate the whole Coach handbag obsession. For one, the company outsourced production years ago and now makes money for selling you something that’s probably made in the same building as products sold in Target. I really don’t understand why they are so popular. Every time I see someone with one I’m tempted to say to them, “Congratulations on being suckered into paying a ridiculous amount of money for a product that cost about $10 to make and was probably made by someone being paid less than a dollar to make it! But it’s totally worth it to walk abound with a bag covered in the letter C!” My fried adores them and I’m all like really, you carry a wallet a phone and tampons in them?? I don’t get it.

    I laugh uncontrollably when someone says tea bag. It’s so immature, but I can’t help it. I’m even giggling now as I write it.

    • I don’t get Coach bags either, but I have a friend who has a few and for her it is the fact that they last a really really long time. It’s not my thing, but whatevs. I have a purse that I bought on clearance at Macy’s that I’ve had for six years now.

      One day, a hipster told me she loved my vintage bag. I told her it wasn’t vintage, but she complimented me on the “pantina” of the leather. I informed her it was chicken grease, but thanks for the compliment.

  23. Silly Sarah, radishes don’t mind seeing vaginas, it’s the potatoes, because they have too many eyes! But I agree with Krista R and the granny-panties comment.

  24. Ok, here goes.
    1. I LOVE your blog.
    2. I have OCD
    3. I am afraid of the dark. Not of monsters, but if I hear a noise, I want to be able to see whats around me.
    4. I am obsessed with The Walking Dead, but other zombie movies scare me lol

  25. So I’m very curious at this point. Did you ever find out her name?!?!?????

    My confessions

    1.) I keep up with about 10 frugality/personal finance blogs a week. They are all written by SAHMs or WAHMs, I think one is written by a work out of home mom but the dad stays at home. Anywho. I’m in a DINK family and we don’t intend on ever having kids and sometimes I wonder if dual income families don’t need financial advice or are we (Dinks) too lazy to write a blog about finance/frugality.
    2.) I bought a sewing machine three months ago and have yet to bust it out to do any of the projects that I had planned.
    3.) I hate out family routine right now and I really wish I knew a way to change it up/make it different/ anything. I feel like its groundhog’s day!!!!!!!!

  26. I think that anxiety comes with being a mom. What you are going through at night is natural. I raised 3 boys / trust me…there is always something to worry about. And it is just like a button that gets turned on when you become a mother, whereas you might have been fearless with not a care in the world prior.

  27. I’m glad you went with radish and not cucumbers…
    HILARIOUS post! and I have to say I see a lot of similarities :/