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Confessions, September

Let’s get right down to it, shall we?

1) Jack and I were driving to work one day, when I saw a women I knew walking to the bus.  She works at the daycare center next to my work, and we see each other outside during lunches.  I stopped to give her a ride and she was very sweet and thankful about it.  Turns out she has five kids (FIVE) and takes the bus because she doesn’t have a car.

I see her from time to time and will always stop and give her a ride; probably about twice a week.

This has been going on all summer now.

I don’t know her name!  At this point I’m too embarrassed about it and can’t ask her what it is, and if I asked Jack to ask her, he’d say “my mommy wants me to ask what your name is”.  I’m stuck!

2) Troy is gone more than he is home.  I’ve always loved sleeping alone because Troy is a horrible snorer and I’m such a light sleeper.

I’m not sure how it happened, or when it happened, but I started having something almost like anxiety about being alone in the house.  Not that I’m scared or anything, but nervous that something might happen to Jack, and it would be my fault.

I put him to bed in his room each night, and every night that Troy is away, I bring him in to my bed.  Jack has never been a kid who wants to be in bed with adults, but he is asleep when I do it, and he won’t wake up for a bomb.

Every night while I am brushing my teeth, I say I’m going to leave him in his bed.  And every night, I bring him in to mine.  I can’t explain it, but I know it will pass.

3) A reader once sent me an email trying to be helpful explaining to me that in my writing I’m trying too hard to come across as “kooky”.  I sent her a very thoughtful and lengthy reply, and the chick never wrote me back.  That annoyed the hell out of me – freaking respond!

4) I have a client who is ESL (English as a Second Language), and her English is really really poor.  She tries super hard and is extremely kind.  She always pops by my office unannounced and her  questions take a long time to answer.

One of the first times she stopped by, she told me I was very pretty.  I thanked her for her compliment, and said she was very sweet.  Ever since then, she has something very similar when she leaves our appointment.

Then one day she didn’t say it, and I wanted to shout after her “do I look ugly today or something?  Is it my hair?  My clothes”?

5) For someone who spends a lot of time writing and wordsmithing, I am HORRIBLE at Words With Friends.  Absolutely atrocious.

6) I’m finding myself liking British period dramas and comedies, but I can’t stand Downton Abbey.  I tried three episodes, but I couldn’t get in to it.  Maybe I should try again?

7) As I’ve aged, I’ve become so much more honest with myself.  Things I previously swept under the rug, I can freely declare with confidence.

So, here we go.

I cannot stand The Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Their music is absolutely terrible.  Just terrible.

Oh my, that felt good to get off my chest.

8) When I see bloggers posting photos of their huge families all wearing homemade clothes and working in their garden, I want to both laugh and shout.  I don’t have any help in my garden, nor can I make homemade clothes.  But what really gets my dander up is that the mom is always wearing a skirt.

Who in the hell wears a skirt gardening?

I wear shorts, or grungy warm up pants and still find dirt in strange places on myself.  Not to mention, radishes don’t want to see your vagina.

9) I fluctuate constantly between wanting to throttle Troy for putting us through this shithole experience, and being really proud of how hard he works.

Ok folks, your turn.  Get those secrets and weighty thoughts off of your chest!

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42 comments on “Confessions, September”

  1. 1) all jeans and shirts seem to have turned into my “work cloths” because im too lazy to go into the house and change when i decide to work outside….

    2) even though i told my husband that i could do this farming thing with little help because he has to travel so far, i am really starting to resent the fact that he enjoys the benefits of fresh eggs, veg and chicken without helping out one damn bit! i mean really, get up from your stupid weekend nap and help me dig the stupid ditch for the pig pallet fence already!!!!!

    3) even though i cook wonderfully healthy for my kid and husband, and people always complement me on how much we do for ourselves (homade soaps, bread soup etc) i have not eaten a peace of fruit or drank a glass of water in over a month…. chocolate and tea however….

  2. I hate when I forget someones name and then have to ask for it again. Makes me feel dumb. Kids names? I never seem to forget those, but the parents are another story.

    We homeschool (in the loosest sense of the word) our 7 year old daughter. The last couple weeks have been crazy stressful with an upcoming move, vacation, and on-line college classes all stressing me out, not to mention the fact that the kiddo and I always seem to be butting heads or yelling at each other and the hubby is miserable at work. I have sort of fantasized about dumping her into public school just for a break.

    Or telling my husband he can’t go out and ride his bike every night after work because I WANT A FREAKING NIGHT OFF! To go study…

    I also have this disturbing fantasy where I end up sick or hurt and in the hospital for a few days so that the hubby and kiddo have to fend for themselves and maybe get a clue as to how good they have it.

    I’ve been known to garden in a (handmade) skirt, only because skirts are stupid easy and cheap to make, so I have more of those then I do pants or shorts. Actually, my one pair of grungy work jeans (and jean shorts) are about 4 sizes to big because I am to cheap to go out and thrift a “new” pair that actually fit. I’d rather spend the money on healthy food or student loans. However, my kid is not the helpful sort you see on those blogs you mentioned. She’s more like the characters in the Little Red Hen.

    I actually love my family and the life we are living, but I am so ready for some recognition and kudos for all that I do.

    • Or telling my husband he can’t go out and ride his bike every night after work because I WANT A FREAKING NIGHT OFF! To go study…

      I also have this disturbing fantasy where I end up sick or hurt and in the hospital for a few days so that the hubby and kiddo have to fend for themselves and maybe get a clue as to how good they have it.

      BWA AHAHAHAHAHA AHA AHAH HA AH HUUUUU! ME TOO! ME TOO!

  3. 1. i was told not too long ago that i was pregnancy fat. so i counted calories and lost two pounds by the next dr. appt, kept up the calorie counting (which i loathe, btw) and went up 5 pounds at the following dr. appt. so i said fuck it, i’ll just breast feed the pounds off. and now i’m eating a lot of pirate’s booty and cookies (and kale – i’m not a monster) and i’m a much happier preggers.

    2. i’ve tried to garden. i want to garden. i have a black thumb. and i’m lazy. and that combination pisses me off.

    3. i got my first paid writing gig and even though it’s only writing somebody’s bio for their resume, i’m super proud of myself.

    4. i want to start a blog, but i haven’t. i’m scared of technology, which i think makes me a weenie and a slacker. i need to get the fuck over it, but it’s a slow process.

    5. when i’m craving sweets and we don’t have any in the house, i’ll mix up some butter, brown sugar, flour and oats and eat it raw and it is so so satisfying. and disgusting. and so satisfying.

  4. I had to take you down a peg for hating on RHCP. It was a little peg, but a peg nonetheless.

    But then I read the sentence, “Not to mention, radishes don’t want to see your vagina,” and my adoration was fully renewed.

    My confession is that I want to punch the next person who says, “Don’t worry, another job will come along soon!” right in the throat. Real hard.

  5. @1: Just ask her “how do you spell your name, again?” Then maybe send her a random “Thank you” note or make her cookies with the name on the package, so it seems that’s why you asked for her name. Or just start a convo about names and the story behind yours, or Troy’s, and maybe she will open up about it. I can relate to #1 because I am HORRIBLE at remembering people’s names. Last names? Not unless I must, which I do for business stuff.
    Lol @ 4. I often try to compliment people, but I know some just do not like to be complimented often and it makes them feel awkward. Has nothing to do with the person.

    Confessions:
    – People who take perfect photos and claim it’s the subject/technique and not the freaking awesome $3,999 fully loaded camera sort of annoy me. Like my sister in law. She’s a photographer and insists the camera has little to do with it, and that I can take such an amazing photo with my 5MP camera.
    – I eat a lot of crappy looking stuff, when I do eat. Honestly. I feel horrible that my landlord asked me if we wanted to alternate making meals, because I don’t want to put the effort or funds in cooking a real meal. 90% of the time, I’ll just eat some sort of meat and a bowl of microwaved veggies. And I’ll eat leftovers for 3+ days in a row. Not very appealing to normal people.
    – If people try to “dispell” my hydrophobia ONE. MORE. TIME…
    – Though Spanish is my second language, I will not speak it in public (or online) unless absolutely necessary.

  6. Lol! I love this post! I have been a reader/follower for about a year now, and I rarely comment (shy) but this post cracked me up and inspired me to comment. I really loathe The Red Hot Chili Peppers too. And Tom Hanks movies. And I will never be one of those people who makes their clothing, and I try really hard with my garden but I definitely wear grungy clothes.

    Last night I made homemade tomato soup with tomatoes from my garden, and served it with cheese quesadillas. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for always posting your menu for the week!

  7. Love this post ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for my morning smile – it’s nice to know I’m not the only one out there who sees pictures or reads blogs and wonder “are these people for real?”

  8. I have a 6 year old, a 12 month old and a 8 week old. It is obvious and well know the 3rd was a surprise. Now I have to figure out how to answer the baby book questions with out him knowing he was a mistake that I cried about for 3 months. I love him more than the world and we cannot imagine our lives without him, but do I lie in the book?

    • I don’t know you, nor can I even imagine this scenario … however the overwhelming feeling that comes across from what you posted above, is that your little man is an irreplaceable part of your family. My gut says, be honest … just be conscious of your phrasing. ‘Surprise’ IS different than ‘accident’. And like anything, change can be difficult. Lots of good things happen in our lives that we don’t plan for … they just show up. I think it’s ok to express how difficult things were at the beginning, but highlight the foundation that he has brought insurmountable joy to your family.

      And I will also say – the fact that you are thinking about how you want to address this, speaks tons of how much you care for him, and how determined you are to be the best parent you can be. You rock girl!

    • Thank you so much for the positive words and encouragement.

    • My twins were unplanned babies and I have always told them that is because God knew how much I needed them in my life and I could not imagine my life without them.

    • I have always told my unplanned kids that they were a surprise! It is completely true and removes any negativity. They are now all adults now and never had any issues or negativity around it at all.

  9. LMAO!!!! I too am not a fan of the Red Hot Chili Peppers!! And oh my God the skirts, the smiles, the uber-helpful children… not in my world!! However I feel the vagina is probably not viewable – there are probably granny panties under there ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. I ate chocolate bars for five days in a row now.
    At least they have nuts in them, I guess.