Sustainable Cooks
First Time Visiting? Start Here!

Confessions, August

It always cracks me up that bloggers present this perfect version of themselves.  I’m sure we all want to believe that we’re like that, but it’s not realistic, nor is it believable.  In that vein, here are my confessions for August:

– I thought the Florence and the Machine song “Dog Days Are Over” were “The Dark Days Are Over”, and I actually thought it was written for The Hunger Games movie.

-I have to pee three times before bed.  My routine is as follows:
a) pee once, go check on Jack.  Get in bed
b) immediately get out of bed, and go pee again.  Get back in bed.
c) Go pee the third time, and promise myself this is the LAST TIME I’m peeing.

Troy calls it my “threepeet” (rhymes with repeat).

-Jack is so dramatic and is such a loud crier if he gets so much as a scrape, that it actually embarrasses me when we’re in public.  I just want to shout “get your shit together and sac up man”.

-When we lived in Los Angeles, we loved the series Nip/Tuck.  For about two years, I couldn’t wash my face unless the door was closed because I was convinced “The Carver” was coming to get me.  Now, The Carver only carved up models, and I know I didn’t fall in to that category, but I thought perhaps he might take a chance on me anyway.  Just in case, the door was firmly locked.

-In a parking lot, I refuse to walk between two vans/SUV’s because I always think the doors will open and someone will snatch me.

-I hate the words panty and titty, so when I was breastfeeding, Troy called my reusable breast pads “titty panties” just to mess with me.  It makes me laugh now, but it wasn’t always funny at the time.

-I refuse to use pens at the front counter of any business, bank, doctor’s office, etc.  GROSS!  Think of all the people who don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom, and then they go and use that pen.  I keep a pen in my purse, and bust that sucker out whenever I need to sign anything.

-I really want to redesign my blog, and maybe come up with a different name.  But honestly, the work involved in that exhausts me from just thinking about it.

-If Jack says “why” one more time after I tell him to do something, I’m tempted to yell “because I fucking said so”!!!! I won’t of course, but man, the temptation is always there.

-After I had a two week vacation, I was so sad to go back to work, that I had Troy get a copy of health benefits from his EMT job.  I almost cried when I saw the cost of insuring just the three of us through their company.  It would have taken Troy’s ENTIRE paycheck, just to get cut rate health coverage.

-Almost every morning, when my alarm goes off at 4:30 am, I really want to quit my job and blog full-time.  However, the health insurance issue (above) remains, and honestly, I feel like what if I actually did get the chance to stay home and blog, and I might freaking suck at it.  What if this is as good as it gets, and having more time to devote to it, results in absolutely nothing?  That thought gives me the boob sweats.

-Troy’s current work schedule is not sustainable, and I know that soon something will have to give.  And no matter how I work it over in my mind, it is going to require me to work harder (more paid posts, articles, potential affiliations, etc.) so that he can reduce his hours.  I’d be happy to have him around more, because frankly our family life is just so stressful right now.  That being said, I feel like I’ll be resentful that I’m going to have to work harder so that he can work less.  It makes me feel guilty for thinking that, but I’m just exhausted.  We’ve been married for nine years, and Troy’s never had a conventional work schedule, except for 11 months (and he was so miserable at that job).  I’m just exhausted.  I want normal.  I want predictable.  I don’t want to be a single mom anymore, and I don’t want my kid crying because his dad isn’t around anymore.  I’m OVER it.

-I bought a Ghiradelli chocolate and caramel bar to use for an ice cream recipe that I conceptualized in my head.  Unfortunately, I ate it all in one sitting before I got the chance.  Whoops.

Care to share any confessions of your own?  It feels so good!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

53 comments on “Confessions, August”

  1. I love you. With you writing skills and sense of humor you could write a very successful book….in your spare time!

  2. I love your blog! It’s probably the only one I consistently read, even if I am not interested in the topic really. You could have a recipe for something I don’t like, will never make, etc, and I will still read the entire thing.

    I really enjoy these confessions. I keep laughing about the van thing… seems a lot of us have that fear. I think that must have been a warning when we were kids or something. I vaguely remember my mom saying something like that.

    Here are some of mine:
    *I am scared of the dark, especially the outside dark. I hate taking my dogs out late at night because I always imagine spooky things in the dark, but it’s embarrassing to admit it to anyone.

    *The Carver kept me up for almost a week straight. I almost quit watching the show, but I just couldn’t.

    *Sometimes at the end of the weekend, I am so ready for my husband to go back to work so I can have the house back. And get it clean again. I immediately feel guilty because I do enjoy spending time together.

    *I sometimes don’t respond to an e-mail, text or something on Facebook because I don’t want my friends to know I am available and then try to call me. I go through whole days of not wanting to talk on the phone at all. I usually say the baby was sleeping, but really, I was just enjoying not thinking about anyone else for a bit.

    *I also hate people reading over my shoulder, but I can’t help but read over other people’s shoulders. I am so darn curious as to what people are reading.

    *I love to read, and I stalk friend’s Facebook posts that ask for book suggestions. I ready all of of the comments and take note of any that look interesting.

  3. I wish I could pay you to blog, because you are my favorite.

  4. I love your blog, although I have to admit (because I work full time and my youngest who lives with me (also works full time) and is 23) I rarely cook dinner, it takes so much effort to shop, prep, cook, clean and when I do shop, I throw too many spoiled groceries away. So I try my best not to over shop; but I sometimes feel guilty about no longer being “suzy homemaker” since the kids left for college (been divorced 13 years). My other confession…I love reading blogs!

  5. Sarah, honey, you are sooo refreshing. I’m way past the mommy-thing, but your blog brings back old memories. I remember thinking that I really didn’t want to run away and have that hanging over my head, but….If I had about 6 months of amnesia, THAT would be awesome because I wouldn’t worry about my kids, or husband or anything else. I would just enjoy being nobody. LoL! I’m working on a blog and as soon as I figure out how to get the freaking pictures to load, I’ll be on like donkey-kong! Today’s title would be: Mamma Says: Sometimes ya gotta fake it till ya make it! Can I get an Amen? Hang in there Babe! Time flies and the silence comes too soon. ~~Vera

  6. LMAO
    Loving your confessions… below are a couple of mine…

    * I will not let my child walk in front of a vehicle pulling up to the front of a store or building because I am terrified that they are going to press the gas instead of the brake and run up on the curb and hit my child.

    * I am an ink pen addict. I have an addiction for the pink, turquoise blue, and purple ones especially. Honestly, I have a few hundred of them I’m guessing. Co workers and clients notice it. I always say it could be worse, I could be addicted to cocaine or something like that… 🙂

    * I promised myself when I was a kid that when I grew up and had children of my own I would never say to my child “Because I said so” but I confess that I was not able to keep that promise.

    * This is the only blog that I read on a daily basis.

    * I’m sure when I click on “Publish” I will think of 20 more confessions I wished I had added.

    Thank you for such wonderful posts, inspiration and ideas!

  7. Well, confessions huh? I have to say I am so tired of taking care of my brother-in-law, who has Downs Syndrome and the mental level of a 3 year old most days, with little to no help from my husband. I could honestly just walk out of the house some days and not come back. Then I have to stop and think that taking care of him is still the easiest job I’ve ever had, and right now the only dependable money we have coming in since it is technically my job, too. My husband wants me to take a few hours at the library alone and I would rather have everyone out of the house so I can have it all to myself for a few hours! (My kids all live in another state so I have no other help at the moment.) Everything else is such a minor annoyance now, age will do that to you. After awhile very little bothers me or I just refuse to acknowledge it as a problem! I’m not saying I don’t worry about health or how we are going to cover everything in a month, I just decided it wasn’t worth worrying about anymore. And the “because I said so” response is a valid one when you need it! I used it on four kids and it did just fine.

  8. I enjoy reading your blog very much, you have a great talent for writing and for all the cooking, gardening, sewing, etc that you do. I hope both of your jobs will balance out because I went through a similar life raising 2 wonderful kids and working and doing everything for the household like you do, while he was lazy. I finally went through a terrible divorce once the kids left home. My kids both say that I should have divorced him when they where young and found someone else so they would have had more of my time. I then married a wonderful man who is a real PARTNER that is EQUAL and willing to do his share. Health insurance is a huge problem so we are working so we have it, especially since we are 55 and 60 years old and health issues are a concern. We are thinking we will have to work until we drop just to keep insurance.

  9. I love that you are so honest about your flaws. I’ve always hated that bloggers paint a perfect picture of their life and the fact that you don’t is one of the many reasons I keep coming back to this blog. My confessions:

    1.) I also hate the word “titty.” My boyfriend knows this and likes to use it just to anyone me.
    2.) My boyfriend has four cats which I love until they get their kitty fluids somewhere. One of the cats is old and has decided that she no longer likes using the litter box; I refuse to clean her poop off the floor so I cover it and let him do it. He laughs at me for gagging at the sight/smell of cat poop.
    3.) I don’t really get homesick so I forget to call my family. I then feel guilty when they call and ask why I haven’t called.
    4.) I don’t have kids but when I do I’m sure I will probably have the urge to yell “because I fucking said so” as well.
    5.) Sometimes I wonder if there is any point in finishing another degree when I will probably end up as a stay at home mom (I want to homeschool).
    6.) I want to have my own apartment purely because I don’t want anyone thinking I’m weird because I like making my own bread.
    7.) I hate when people read over my shoulder.
    8.) My best friend and I have started growing apart and I’m afraid that our friendship won’t last much longer.
    9.) I wish I could get paid to lay in a hammock reading books all day!

  10. I love your blog. I hope you can find a happy medium so you can blog more (you would be awesome by the way) and he can work less because your schedule is brutal! Hope you guys find a good happy place soon.