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Once a month, I share really stupid confessions that are honest and not shall we say “fake perfect blog” appropriate.
Let’s start off with something that I am sure will be controversial. Shall we?
1) Short people who wear pants that are high waters, really piss me off. I’m 6 ft, my sister is 6 ft, and I have a female cousin who is 6 ft 4. Do any of us wear pants that are too short? Hell no.
If we can find pants long enough, you can too shortie. No freaking flipping excuses!
I had a roommate for years who was like 5 ft 1. She had a problem with not being able to find pants short enough, so she would buy pants, and then pay $10 to have them hemmed.
2) I am convinced that Troy has my phone bugged and has hacked in to the face time feature and can literally spy on me so that he can only call me at the most inconvenient time. There is simply no other way to explain how he only calls right after Jack and I get home and my arms are full of stuff, and Jack is hungry and whining, and my head is going to freaking explode because I’ve been up since 4:30 am.
Also, he has been known to call multiple times if you don’t pick up, so not only does he call at the worst possible time, but if you don’t drop everything and answer, the stupid phone just keeps ringing.
3) When I worked at my last company (corporate), once a year they would ship us somewhere lovely for a regional offsite. The very first year I was at the company, they sent us to Cabo. Rough life, right?
Well, I roomed with someone who was dating one of our coworkers. Being super lame like I am, I called it a night by like 11 pm, while everyone else was enjoying the free drinks. I have a thing where I need to fall asleep while watching TV. I showered (cause it was like 567 degrees and humid), and then turned to it on to the movie channel (Out of Time with Denzel Washington), and promptly fell asleep.
The next morning at breakfast, my roomie and her boyfriend asked me how my night was. I said it was pretty good, I took a shower, I watched TV, and fell asleep. They burst out laughing. I was a bit perplexed, and then had to wait until they stopped choking on their huevos rancheros to figure out what was so dang funny.
Turns out, that around midnight, the movie channel switched from PG to rated X. I fell asleep watching a Denzel Washington, but when they walked in to our room, there was so pretty graphic Mexican porn on the tube.
To this day, I’m pretty sure neither of them believe my story, but I swear it is the truth!
4) Unless I am measuring liquids, I almost never wash my measuring cups and measuring spoons. Salt? Flour? Baking soda? It’s called knocking the cup or spoon on the side of the container and putting it back in the cupboard or drawer.
5) I almost never wash my bread knife. It’s just bread. It’s not like I’m cutting poop to make turd sandwiches.
6) From the time Jack was three, until a few weeks after turning four, I was convinced he didn’t really have a soul. Three year olds are evil hell beasts. I want another kid, but I’d love to ship them off when they turn three, and pick them up at four years and two weeks.
7) There are times when the weather outside is gross, and I’m feeling lazy, and I’m oh so tempted to just make a bag of Top Ramen. Top Ramen was a childhood staple, and even though it so so full of sodium and crap, I can still taste the deliciousness.
8) I don’t know how to BBQ, but I also don’t want to learn. Grilling is the ONE thing Troy will do in the kitchen, and it feels like a cooking vacation for me.
9) Jack’s preschool work gets put in the recycling every Sunday night.
That’s right, I said it.
This week, he had a picture made by his friend Cooper, and he said very conspiratorially “mommy, I just want to throw this away”, but I gave him a guilt trip about how it was something special and we should keep it.
I talked him out of putting in the recycling, because HIS stuff was right at the top of the bin from where I had chucked it the night before.
10) I am TERRIBLE at alphabetizing. When I’m filing my client’s paperwork, I have to sing the ABC’s in my head, because after I get to “h”, it is kinda a blur.
11) I am terrified of this space between my counter and my oven.
God only knows what is in that crack. Should our oven ever break, I’d rather grill (well have Troy grill) for the rest of my life, than have to move the oven and see what hell spawn has thrived in that dark and inhospitable environment.
What would you like to share this month? Come on, unload, it feels great!
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Since I just finished teaching a course at work this week, my pet peeve this month is on cell phones.
Why is it that most people would agree that yawning right in front of you while you are talking to them would be rude but checking their cell phones every 5 minutes is OK? And texting!? It’s OK to text someone while I’m teaching you?? I would never have thought I had to ask people to shut them off at the beginning.
I find a lot of people I work with now have absolutely no cell phone manners. The problem wasn’t on quite the same level when I lived in Europe. PUT AWAY THE PHONE PEOPLE! YOU AREN’T THAT IMPORTANT!
OK, I’m done.
I am a CHRONIC yawner, to the point where a professor in college pulled me aside to say how rude I was. I explained I just always yawn no matter how much sleep I got, but that I was actively engaged in class and my 4.0 proved that. I just yawn a lot!
That being said, when I am with someone for long enough that I know yawns will happen, I warn them ahead of time. I know myself and my mouth, and that sucker is going to open after 5 minutes of sitting.
#6.. i am living # 6…
I had to look up to see which one that was. I’m so sorry. My friend Anne said we should start a “it gets better campaign” for parents of three year olds. Three year olds are freaking evil meerkat holes.
Ugh, me too…
I give those spoons & cups a quick rinse, but I actually like to stand at the sink & wash stuff. Very weird, I know. I despise capris, because they just look like highwaters on me (I’m 5′ 6″) My son was AWFUL as a teenager, Surly was his middle name. My big confession is that I haven’t finished a single big project since I’ve been home. I have no excuse, because they’re fun ones, like painting a wall, painting some cabinets, sewing new curtains, etc. All I want to do is roam through Pinterest & not cook lol!
Love the confessions…..let’s see. My favorite word now has been ‘a-hole’. Don’t say it to others, but I have fun thinking it. Keep in mind I have an 18 year old son who knows everything, and work in preschool/ elementary schools with behavior problems. Had a kid spit full into my face yesterday, and had to tell my doc last week at my exam, no that’s a bruise….a kid at work kicked me. The kids at work are all nuts because of our awful Chicago weather, and the staff aren’t much better off. I thought my son was great until aged four when he turned ..unreasonable……it seems like every four years he’s had a tough time (4, 8 , 12…maybe now I’m done). Even better, my husband points out when I get impatient “do you talk to your students like that?”, and I say, “no because they listen to my wise advice”. It’s still a long ass way to spring break but I feel better now. : )
Just so you know ( and I am 5ft 1) the too short pants are probably capri’s. If I buy a pair of capri’s inevitably they are too long and look like high waters. Just sayin!
Nope, they’re definitely long pants. One does not wear capris when it is 18 degrees outside.
Sara–I’ve been lurking at your site for years now. You are the only blog that I view religiously–refreshingly honest, informative and entertaining!!
As I deal with my meerkat of a 3 year old, I keep thinking how you griped about Jack at 3 years. So glad to hear that you have come out of this!!!! Did it happen gradually or was it like a switch was hit?
Ah, well thank you, and welcome to life outside of the lurking closet!
Oh my meerkats, 3 year olds are hell spawn. I didn’t even like Jack at three and I’m the one person in the whole world who is supposed to like him. He was such a meerkat bag at three.
You know, I think it was gradual. I remember texting my friend Anne one day about a month after Jack turned four, and I said something along the lines of “I actually enjoyed hanging out with my kid today. I didn’t feel the desire to throat punch him once”. That same friend Anne said there needs to be a “it gets better” campaign for parents of 3 year olds.
Not sure how old your kiddo is, but my friend’s daughter is 3 years 11 months, and she said the “change” came around last week.
Hang in there!
Love the confessions!
As a person of limited height (5′ 1″), I am also bugged by people who wear pants that are too short. Like Eliza said, capris are not meant for short people. Oh, and I can’t STAND short shorts. Really, there is no need for your butt to be hanging out of your shorts, not matter how nice of a butt you happen to have. Personally, I like my shorts to just a little over the knee, but it’s almost impossible to find them that length. Oh, and girls shorts. We spend so much time last year looking for shorts for my 7 year old that were an appropriate length. Were we sucessful? No, she wore pants almost all summer, except for the few pairs of shorts I was able to make for her. Stupid clothing companies.
I am still hating school. I want to throw a tantrum every night when I realize I have school work to do. The learning I am enjoying, the pressure to do assignments and tests and projects- hell no.
We have been eating raw veggies and deviled eggs for supper for the last few days because I have been too lazy to cook. I have a week off from school, so really, all I want to do is my own thing. I’ve been so unmotivated to cook that the hubby and I are trying out a meal replacement protein shake. Kinda goes against everything food wise we believe in, but hey, it’s organic with no artificial ingredients at least.
Now I can feel less guilty about putting the measuring spoons/cups away unwashed!
Thanks for the opportunity to confess!
I am loving the idea of deviled eggs and veggies for dinner. Brilliant!!!
Haha. I throw away all my kids art work too. They get so mad at me but I keep remind them that if I kept every single piece of paper they ever drew on we would be on horders- and Momma doesn’t want to be on horders. I can’t stand clutter. If the did a great job on a piece of Art or a test or homework- it gets a place of honor on the fridge for a bit- then into the trash it goes.
and by the way…my husband also calls at the worst times and if i don’t answer, he first leaves me a “why don’t you ever answer your phone” message, THEN he calls repeatedly until i answer by saying “WHAT!?!” then wonders why i am mad.