Confessions

If you’re new around here, confessions is a time for us to all unburden ourselves of the silliness we’re feeling at the moment. I share dumb things, then you share dumb things, and we all have a better day because of it.

Let’s get started! 

Confession 1

When I went to get my second vaccine, I was PUMPED! I walked up to the clinic (which was being held at our church) and there was a very nice public health worker outside checking everyone in.

He confirmed my name and birthday and then said “hey, big year for us 1981 babies, huh”? You guys, this man looked at least 15 years older than me. I thought for sure he was nearing retirement.

Regardless of how you feel about the last 16 months, healthcare workers have been worked to near exhaustion. And they’ve been doing it for the ungrateful masses. Think of poor exhausted Brian and thank a healthcare worker this week.

Confession 2

The stainless steel countertop on our island is so fun and we love it. It’s unique (you cannot buy them at big box stores. I had to have a man in a barn build mine), so easy to keep clean (but not from fingerprints), and really hardy.

Since it is unique, people who come into our house cannot help but touch it. Because of lockdown, we’ve only had family and a few subcontractors in our home. But every single one of them is drawn to the countertop and they must touch it.

The guy who replaced our windows just stood at the island tapping on it for a solid 5 minutes. The window treatment person was on it like a seagull on a french fry.

It absolutely does not bother me and I love that people are so interested in it. We clean it every night after dinner with a stainless cleaner that buffs away fingerprints. The rest of the day we just accept that it will be covered in fingerprints.

Confession 3

From what I can observe, when people wear rompers, 95% of their time is spent adjusting the romper. Pulling it up at the top, adjusting it around their waist, etc.

I don’t own and will never own a romper. For one, I have to pee too often. And two, I don’t want to wear clothes that require that much adjusting.

Confession 4

The harassment from publishing houses to renew magazines is EXCESSIVE. Fun fact: when you get a magazine renewal notice, usually somewhere above your address is a tiny set of numbers that will show when your subscription actually expires.

Last week I received a “FINAL NOTICE, RENEW NOW” from a magazine. When I looked at when my subscription was expiring, it was MAY 2022. 

Hey magazines: do you know how much paper waste is generated with your USPS stalking? Seriously? Calm TF down people.

Confession 5

I think baby carrots taste like crap and you cannot convince me otherwise. Here is the baby carrot marketing team talking about their summer campaign: “ok, so, how are we going to convince people this year that flavorless and waterlogged shaved down carrots are delicious”?

Confession 6

For the next 50 years of my life, I will be walking around with a right arm that is 15% longer than the left one. I swear my kids cannot walk without bouncing and wrenching downward while holding my hand. Do all parents just walk around with one shoulder that is permanently dislocated?

Ok, friends, your turn! What do you need to confess?

Want more confessions? Read more here, here, here, here, and here. Or read the whole darn archive here.