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Confessions

If you’re new around here, confessions is a time for us to all unburden ourselves of the silliness we’re feeling at the moment. I share dumb things, then you share dumb things, and we all have a better day because of it.

Let’s get started! 

A woman with a finger up to her mouth saying "shhhhh"

Confession 1

Nobody is more hopeful that everything will turn out ok than someone wearing a white cloth smartwatch band. I always think “isn’t that adorable” when I see one. How long is that going to stay clean?!

Confession 2

What is with the new trend of people putting in purple, blue, or red lights into gyms (public and home gyms)? I see these photos on Instagram and it always looks like someone is working out in a Saw movie.

Confession 3

I feel like we have enough celebrity wine brands. I mean, seriously? Do we need to know what kind of wine that the fourth lead from One Tree Hill likes to drink? You’re not growing your own damn grapes. Enough.

Confession 4

I’m constantly confused by the number of (full) tied-up poop bags that I see tossed aside on my walk. So let me get this straight. You went through the trouble of picking up the dog poop (which everyone knows is the worst part), you tied a knot in it, but then decided that walking a block to throw it away was just too much?

Confession 5

I realized that I was old the other day when I went to Target and I couldn’t find anything in their newly redesigned trendy makeup/skincare section. I just needed some shampoo for Jack and wandered around looking as confused as my mom used to be trying to use dial-up internet.

Confession 6

I’ve discovered that there is nothing more delightful than watching a squirrel run. It is full-on active squirrel season here, and I see them sprinting while I’m out on my walk. The way they run is hilarious. Five stars, highly recommend.

Confession 7

Will my youngest child ever learn to eat OVER his plate? I’m lucky if I can get one of his butt cheeks to stay on the chair while he eats, but then he just sits sideways dropping crumbs EVERYWHERE. Whhhhhhhy?

Confession 8

I’m still really confused as to why banana bread became so popular in the early days of the pandemic. Like, really confused. In the before times did people just go get new bananas when theirs went bad? Was it stress baking? Had everyone ordered like 30 bananas from Instacart??

 

Ok, friends, your turn! What do you need to confess?

Want more confessions? Read more herehereherehereherehere, and here. Or read the whole darn archive here.

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20 comments on “Confessions”

  1. My Confession:  Every time you write dutch oven, I alway think the slang term dutch oven and snicker. Every. Time.  I  have the sense of humor of a 12 yr old boy! 

    That’s enough confessions for me – and everyone else to see! 

  2. I think I missed banana bread being a “thing”.. I was all caught up in the sourdough craze back in Spring 2020.
    Bad Mama Confession… My 16 year old girl missed this entire last week of school.. Woke up in pure misery on Sunday and tonight is the first glimmer of hope that she is heading in the right direction…Once we got the 3 big Negatives-Strep, Covid, Influenza, out of the way I knew it was just a matter of rest, time and patience.. But as horrible as it is with a pre-menstrual, miserable, disgustingly ill child.. It was such a nice calm week! lol
    No volleyball to rush to, no lunch to pack( mama spoils her in sport season), less laundry to rush through and no early morning grumpy to deal with!
    Back to normal very soon and that is OK!

  3. I have heard that some dog owners will set the full poop bag down with the intention of picking it up on the way back. I have a tendency to forget things, so it’s best that I keep the bag in my hands. Besides, it lets the neighborhood know that I am not the poop abandoning jerk.

    I have no clue as to why some complain about others setting poop bags in trash along the curb awaiting pickup.

    I hate self checkout lines, and refuse to use them. It’s not just that they are inconvenient, especially when I have a big order, but it also takes away the cashiers’ jobs.

    I need to do a serious purge of my house, but I cannot seem to get started.

    Covid kept me out of the salon for so long, I was able to donate my ponytail to make wigs for bald children. That made me even happier than my new cut and color, and I was pretty excited about that.

  4. Argh, Ya got me started on dog poop. If you got the dog, take its poop with ya, ppl. I don’t want it in my yard, and I don’t want it in my garbage can. Why? First of all, its your smelly shit, own it. Second, Because when the garbage man tips the basket into the truck, he doesn’t take the time to tip it 100% vertical, so I’m stuck with your dog shit for more than one week. Take it with you, it’s your gift to you.

    My confession: my son’s girlfriend is a PIG. She leaves a mess whenever she sleeps over, and she eats like a chompin horse. One of these days I am going to fly over the table and grab her fork out of her hands and throw it across the room. I DON’T want to hear your gummy, munchy, slobbery chewing.

  5. Last weekend I spent far too long trying to find the body wash at Target.  I mistakenly thought it would be close to the shampoo, but nope, I had to go past the lotion and the make up and toothpaste and deodorant to get to the soap aisle.  I used to know where every single thing was in every Target because I worked there all through college.  I have to remind myself sometimes that I haven’t worked there in over 20 years.

    We always take bags with us when we go for walks but my dog is exclusively a home pooper.  Which is cool with me because we have about an acre of woods in our fenced yard and something—possums maybe???—seems to clean it up.  I don’t overthink it.

    • Lady, you’re thinking was MY thinking at Target. Everything was so randomly placed in that section.

      I feel like a home pooper is an ideal trait in a dog. And one that I did not know existed.

  6. Re: Confession 4
    Dogs and their poop is a hot topic in my new neighborhood. Some people leave small bins out to drop the baggies into.  Others  shame dog-walkers who don’t scoop the poop by posting videos from their Ring cameras on NextDoor. As a dog-walker who ALWAYS scoops I confess I find this pretty funny. 

    On the flip side, there are plenty of posters who grouse about dog-walkers who drop the stink bombs into their trash cans on pickup day. I don’t get that. If the trash hasn’t been collected, shouldn’t one be pleased that dog-walkers are scooping? 

    My Confession 1. I had previously confessed that I did not really like where we had been, and someone must have been reading your blog. Unexpectedly we were given three months this summer to pack out and get to our new posting. We condensed our home (not a task for the easily intimidated) and put 60% of our belongings into storage. We are in a concierge building for a year while we explore the city and decide where/whether to purchase. As empty-nesters I confess that I LOVE concierge apartment living. (And I also really like our new post.) 

    My Confession 2. Now that we are within striking distance of family, I confess I don’t want to see them for Thanksgiving. Three members of our immediate family are not just ardent anti-vaxxers, but actually believe the government planned the pandemic. We’re vaccinated and are fine with vaccines being a personal choice, but we draw the line at crazy conspiracy theorist. 

  7. I think the same thing when I see someone wearing a white jacket!  I optimistically bought myself one years ago, thinking I would wash it often.   What was I thinking?????  I did not wash it often and it looked awful!
    I hate it when the stores change everything around.  I was at our Walmart this morning, getting groceries and personal items.  I had to search high and low for my items! 
    Banana bread is simple to make and is an easy beginner baking project.  So that is my guess as to why it became so popular.  Or perhaps loads of people did what my son-in-law did.  He wanted some bananas while placing an online pick-up order.  It asked for a quantity, so he put 10.  He ended up with 10 BUNCHES of bananas, not the ten bananas he thought he was getting!  (I did the same, but opposite once, I thought I was buying three pounds of apples and received three apples)  
    At the risk of making you sad, There is a good chance Bennett will never eat over his plate.  We have a running joke in our family about our oldest.  We used to say that she was the dog’s favourite because she dropped so much food at dinner.  The dog has been gone for years, so now it is just jokes about her not having the dog to clean up her messes.  She is going to be 28 soon……  (and, ironically, is a very neat and tidy person, except when she is eating.  And she has a dog of her own now!   hahahahahaha!) 

    • Every time I order bananas or onions, I always do so with bated breath. I think the native grocery ordering app my store uses doesn’t make it clear when ordering multiples of things. What in the world did your son-in-law do with all those bananas?

      Your daughter and Bennett just need a chair in the middle of a kiddie pool when they eat.

  8. #5 – My son will shake his head in dismay when I need to stop walking to answer a text. Apparently not being able to text and walk makes me old.

    #7 – Same son when he was a toddler was the reason our family motto was ” butt in chair, not in air”.  I ended up going to Goodwill for some inexpensive, but fragile dishes to have Fancy Friday. The kids thought it was a blast to drink milk out of wine glasses and it was the one time they paid attention to their table manners. In an over exaggerated fake British way, but still, a win.

  9. The banana bread thing confused me too. Why was it a thing??

    • I know when things get stressful, I clean or bake. But I really think people had just been tossing old bananas or were getting too many in their grocery orders.

  10. #4: A MILLION TIMES YES. Why? We have quite a few dog owners who walk by our house, and for some reason the dogs love to poop on our yard. Most of the owners will pick it up responsibly and take it with them, but I have seen bags of tied-up poop right by the sewer return on the curb. Like, did you think a heavy rain would just wash it down there? Gross! If you didn’t want to pick up and carry an animal’s poop, why did you get a dog in the first place?

    Last night we were out in our yard doing astronomy, and my youngest got freaked out when a dog-walker with a flashlight came down the sidewalk. “Why would anybody walk their dog in the dark?” he asked. My other kid said, “Probably so nobody would see them not picking up the poop.” The guy hilariously turned his flashlight off after he heard that.

    Regarding banana bread: bananas are cheap, maybe people were getting too many bananas in their grocery orders, and banana bread is one of the easiest things to make. Seriously, I used to have my go to recipe memorized. I don’t make it anymore because we don’t eat sweets, but it was easy.

    • Banana bread IS easy; I’m making it a lot because Jack and eat it for breakfast with his braces. The recipe I have calls for 1 cup of sugar (on top of bananas!) and I use about 2 tbsp of brown sugar.