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If you’re new around here, confessions is a time for us to all unburden ourselves of the silliness we’re feeling at the moment. I share dumb things, then you share dumb things, and we all have a better day because of it. Let’s get started! 

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Confession 1

Some lymphatic massage disc thingy keeps popping up in my Instagram ads. It’s a woman looking in a mirror and moving it around her face and neck.

When I was younger, I had this weird quirk where I couldn’t let my knees touch when I was in the car. It gave me a full-body “icky” feeling. Watching this lymphatic massage video gives me that same feeling and I cannot explain why.

It makes me want to throw my phone across the room anytime this ad comes up. It’s so creepy! Unsubscribe.

Confession 2

There is a certain type of jerk who loves to make comments on blogs, Instagram posts, and Pinterest where they basically contradict everything you say, explain the right way to do it (their way), and then end the sentence with “but to each their own………”.

First off, you’re a tool. If you don’t like my recipe, then ignore it. If you have a better way to cook, then start a blog. But for all that is holy, stop using more than three … when you are using them in a sentence.

It’s basic 10th-grade English knowledge. Use the ellipsis properly or don’t use it at all.

Confession 3

I was out walking the other day and I kind of wish someone had gotten a video of me screaming at this chipmunk. He (I believe in my soul that female chipmunks would be smarter) was in the middle of a busy road taking only a few steps at a time.

Thankfully, there were no cars coming. But I had to keep waving my hands and yelling at it trying to get it to fully cross the street. At one point I screamed “your death will not be on my hands” as I tried chasing it across three lanes of traffic.

Confession 4

Listening to true crime podcasts means I hear A LOT of 911 calls. The wildest ones I ever hear all come from Southern states. It’s so bonkers to hear them maintain certain manners while in the middle of the worst possible moment of their lives.

Caller: Um, yes, I need some help ma’am.
911 Operator: Yes baby, how I can help you?
Caller: Yeah, I think I was stabbed in the head. I blacked out ma’am, I’m sorry I don’t have more details.
911 Operator: Stabbed in the head? Well, bless your heart. What’s your name?
Caller: Jessica
911 Operator: Ok, Miss Jessica, we’ll have someone on the way immediately.
Caller: Yes, thank you ma’am.

Confession 5

There is a car on my walking route that is always parked in the driveway and always running. I change up my walking time every day, but seriously, the car is always idling.

Sometimes someone will be sitting in the car with it running. Sometimes it’s just empty. What in the world are these people doing to keep their car idling at all hours of the day? And who is paying their gas bill?

Confession 6

We went to a kid’s birthday at Chuck E. Cheese last month and both Jack and Bennett were playing skeeball. They did well and were bragging about it for hours.

Sometimes parents keep things from their children for their own good. And one thing that my kids don’t know about me is that I’m a legit BOSS at skeeball. Their high scores are my low scores if both my arms were broken.

Seriously, don’t come for me on a skeeball court (track? lane?). I will destroy your self-esteem.

Ok, friends, your turn! What do you need to confess? Want more confessions? Read more herehereherehereherehereherehere, and here. Or read the whole darn archive here.

About Sarah

Helping you serve up budget-friendly sustainable recipes with a side of balanced living.
Come for the food. Stay for the snark.

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  1. My hope is that somewhere the neighbor with all the gas, is actually a neighbor who is always dashed out for a second when you pass, and every time they accidentally do this, that you happen to run by and they’re sitting there thinking, omg, this neighbor probably thinks we’re absurd. 

    In reality, what weirdos that are killing the environment. 

    If I forget something and have to dash, I always turn the engine off—I am not leaving a car running for someone to steal. Other option is there are ppl in the backseat, maybe playing tonsil hockey? 🤣

    1. I wish that were true but it’s really just the weirdest. These people just love to burn gas.

      No makeout session happening. HA!

  2. My short term memory is shot. I had a great idea while taking my dogs out this morning, and remember thinking it would make a perfect Confessions comment. But for the life of me, I cannot remember what the heck it was. If it ever comes to me again, let’s be honest, I will probably just forget it again.

  3. I’m not rich enough to have one of those man caves or she shacks or game rooms but if I did, I would have a bank of skee ball games for sure and you would never get me out of there and I would have sore shoulders for the rest of my life because I would be in there all day shouting “100! Come on you skanky whore! 100!” It’s probably a good thing I don’t have a game room, amIrite?

  4. I don’t know what’s wrong with wildlife. Recently a squirrel–a very small squirrel—was sitting on the side of the road and I figured it was waiting until I went by…nope, it darted out towards my frickin’ car! Luckily it seemed to have dodged behind the left wheel and i didn’t hit it. Suicidal squirrels, man.

    We were driving behind a gray van the other day that had a license plate that said “VANDALF.” I couldn’t help it and asked my kids if they thought the owner also had a white van with a license plate that said “SARUVAN”. They all groaned and asked me never to say that again.

    1. I wonder if there is some squirrel version of TikTok challenges going on? These squirrels are out of control.

      OMG those license plates are incredible! When I had my Honda Civic, Jack named it “Honda Solo”.