Confessions

If you’re new around here, confessions is a time for us to all unburden ourselves of the silliness we’re feeling at the moment. I share dumb things, then you share dumb things, and we all have a better day because of it.

Let’s get started! 

Confession 1

What is the protocol around sneezing or coughing when you’re in public and you’re wearing a mask? Are you still supposed to do so into the crook of your arm? Because that is what I’m doing and I’m wondering if everyone is secretly making fun of me behind my back.

Confession 2

Hey 80s kids, remember Cabbage Patch Kids? And then how they came out with the “Preemie” collection a few years later? Yeah?

Did ANY of us happen to pause and think how effed up it was that they were marketing prematurely born children to other children? Looking back, the concept of those dolls did not age well.

Confession 3

I took my oldest son, Jack, shopping with me to pick out items for the people we selected from the Giving Tree at school. I always choose male older kids/teens because I think they are the ones who usually get forgotten. Everyone wants to buy dolls and toys for cute little kids. But nobody gets excited about buying a hoodie for a 15-year-old boy.

We were at Sierra Trading post looking for pants for a 19-year-old who does landscaping. I got so excited to find some Carhartt-style pants that were also fleece-lined. What’s better in the PNW winter than fleece-lined pants? Nothing!

The details we received from the Giving Tree was that he was a size “small” pants. Clearly, a female in that household filled out the form, because men’s pants don’t really come in “small”. I needed a waist and inseam size, dangit!

I found a pair of these pants that were 30×32, and then I noticed a normal-sized man shopping for pants just a few feet away from me. I asked him if he could help because I needed to find “small” men’s pants and in his experience, were a 30×32 considered small?

He said “that’s the size I wear” and I thought “PERFECT, this dude is the expert”! So, naturally, I said, “and would that be considered a small?” because really, that’s the information that I needed.

Y’all, you would have thought I asked him “do you want to fly to Alaska to club baby seals with me and then rob a bank?”. He was SO OFFENDED and sputtered “um, no, I’m a medium” with a lot of hissing in his voice. Ok, bro, sooooooorrrry.

I bought the pants and hopefully, they made some kid’s Christmas really awesome. And if not, I put the gift receipt in the pocket.

Confession 4

For people not from the states, usually, public school kids can: bring lunch or buy lunch. If parents fill out paperwork, they can qualify for free or reduced lunches based on their income. Many families don’t fill out that paperwork because of stigma, which really sucks because it keeps the kiddos from getting a big meal in the middle of the day.

Due to the pandemic, school lunch is free for all kids in the United States for the 2021-2022 school year. There is no paperwork to fill out, income slide scales, or anything. All kids can get lunch without any money changing hands.

I absolutely hate packing lunches, but we’re really big on the boys taking lunch because they tend to be fairly picky. Historically, Jack was always allowed to buy school lunch on Wednesdays, because that was pizza day. 

Well, with the lunches being free this year, we’re all super lax on packing lunches. Don’t feel like it? No worries, get something at school. Don’t have leftovers in the house that the kids will eat? Perfect, the school will feed them. I’m thrilled to have one more thing off of my proverbial plate. And I think this should continue forever so that everyone is fed.

Confession 5

Once a year Costco sells Kerrygold butter at a discount. I used to buy an entire case of it to freeze during the sales, but they started limiting it to 3 boxes per member. And yes, I’m probably the reason they did that. I’m why we can’t have nice things.

This year, I bought my butter, took it out to the car, and then came back in to grab six more boxes. I went through self-checkout and bought 3 at a time in 2 transactions. I knew 100% that this was gaming the system, but um, butter.

A very nice employee came over to me and said “um, I saw what you did there and I’m going to ask you to never do that again”. Rather than deny it, I just said “yeah, I’m sorry. I love this butter and I was trying to be cute about it. I’m really sorry”.

And I did not go back and get any more butter. But…I did ask all my friends and family with memberships to snag 3 boxes for me when they went.

Confession 6

When we’re out in public, I constantly tell my kids “pay attention and be polite. You’re not the only one in this store/walking down this aisle/waiting for the bathroom/whatever”. I think it’s really important for kids, especially boys, who will one day potentially grow up to be manspreaders, to recognize that they’re not entitled to any more space than anyone else.

And sometimes, even when they’re being good, I’ll say it really loudly like I’m gracing them with my wisdom…but only because I want the ahole adults who are acting poorly around us to hear it.

Ok, friends, your turn! What do you need to confess?

Want more confessions? Read more here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. Or read the whole darn archive here.