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Confessions – April

If you’re new around here, confessions is a time for us to all unburden ourselves of the silliness we’re feeling at the moment. I share dumb things, then you share dumb things, and we all have a better day because of it. Let’s get started!

  1. I’m not sure how the idea that burping is a manly art came about, but somehow Jack seems to think it is. Here’s the thing. Jack only wishes he could burp like me. He might be in therapy in a few years with some mommy issues complaining about how great of a burper his mom is.
  2. I don’t understand why Daft Punk is popular. Yawn. 
  3. As a mom and wife, I feel like 75% of my day is spent waiting for people to move out of my way or to get off my freaking feet. Seriously – GET OFF MY FEET.
  4. I have to say this because it has bothered me for YEARS. You know when people use grocery apps or pre-printed grocery lists and eggs are always listed under dairy? Yes, eggs are often stored near dairy but EGGS ARE NOT DAIRY. Explain to me how you milk a chicken. Like the mechanics of it. I need to know. I have chickens, so if I am missing out on some prime free-range backyard chicken milk, I need this info. Freaking ridiculous.Wait, is that how they make the Peeps-flavored coffee creamer in spring..?

5.  I take off my wedding ring as soon as I get in the house because I wash my hands and put on lotion so much when I am cooking. The ring just gets in the way. I often forget it when I’m leaving the house so I tend to walk around without it quite a bit. And yet, NO ONE HITS ON ME. I’m not looking for flirting, but what the hell. I think it is because my dead eyes and bags under there scream “I’m a mom, don’t bother”.
6. My kids hands are so sticky and I don’t know why. I make them wash them often (something else for Jack to talk about in therapy?) but if they touch my phone or computer it is like they’re wiping straight yogurt on there. What in the actual hell is on their hands?
7. I don’t get Rae Dunn. You know those dishes that says something like “queen” or “coffee” or “dream”. I just don’t understand it ($30 for this?). That’s not to say I care if other people love it and collect it – great, we all need a thing! I just don’t see the appeal of it. Maybe I should create a ceramic toilet paper holder and write “butt wipe” on it. Or a kleenex box surround that says “snot rags”. I’ll be rich.
8. We make Jack fold and put away his laundry. So when I’m hanging it during the day on our clothesline (this is the awesome one I have), I still wait until the afternoon to bring it in so he has to help with the pile.
9. The phrase “I’m sorry if that offended you” or “I’m sorry if you found that offensive” is the biggest dick move of all time. It should be “I’m sorry I offended you”. Full stop. 
10. Troy loves tiny house shows on Netflix. Here is what would happen if we had a tiny house. Within four days, the front page of the Seattle Times would be “exasperated mother murders her family in a tiny house because they wouldn’t get off her feet”.
11. Every single time I pee at Jack’s preschool I feel badly about myself. Because every single time I forget they have a built-in potty seat in the actual toilet seat. I sit down and assume my ass has somehow ballooned in the last week.

Alright friends, your turn! 

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54 comments on “Confessions – April”

  1. Wedding band not lost by uncaring husband after all! (Follow up comment.) Huge smile today. My nieces college graduation and husband busted out his wedding ring. Sniffle sniffle. So proud and feeling loved and blessed today! 

  2. Okay, so we had the weirdest Easter ever. We are currently “between churches” and since we don’t have young kids at home, we are taking our time to discover the community we want to be part of next. ALL of our close family visited the week before Easter and our only local “child” is a retail manager for a store that is open on Easter, and since she just moved to her new position there, she drew the holiday duty. So we drove more than an hour to see her at her new store, and took her to lunch at the food court because almost no restaurants there were open, and we just did the best we could. It was nice to see the daughter, though.

    On another subject, I TOTALLY GET how much you hate that people stand on your feet. When the kids were young, I’d constantly say, “Ow! Please get off my feet!” and “You walk on your feet and I’ll walk on mine.” I’m sure all they heard was “wahwahwahwah.” My sister’s husband used to tease me about that, thinking that it was no big deal. Then HIS kids were born and they started standing on his feet. He certainly changed his tune! And what is it with people who can’t walk behind me without walking on my heels and giving me “flats”? I mean, really! And on the subject of kids and responsibility, all I can say is keep at it. I remember one of my daughters saying on the way to school that she had forgotten her homework. I turned the car around. When she wondered why I was going back, I asked, “When was the last time you forgot your homework?” “I never forget my homework.” “Exactly. THAT’S why we are going back.” And another time, after one of them was whining because I had said “no” and they were hoping to change my mind, I asked, “When was the last time I said “no” and then changed my mind?” “Never.” “Okay, then, stop asking me to change my mind, because if I am going to think about it, that’s what I say.” And when they are told what a consequence will be, I *tried* to always do it. Let me tell you how great it felt to take a screwdriver and a hammer to the hinges of that bedroom door after they slammed it one too many times, so it was a win win situation. And lastly (!!!), thank you so much for posting that beautiful photo of the crocus plant blooming (it was a few weeks ago, I think). It brought back memories of when I lived in a colder climate and loved to see winter melting into spring.

    • I’m sorry she had to work on Easter but I’m glad you got to see her even for a short period of time! Does she like her new job?

      OMG, the flats. YES! Jack does that too and has an uncanny habit of kicking gravel that lands between my foot and my flip flop when I’m walking. Every time!

      Ha, yes to the door!! I got these little foam dohickey things that we can put on Bennett’s door and it prevents him from even closing the door.

      You’re so welcome. I do love spring plants so much. I missed spring when we lived in California. It just felt like any other day to me.

  3.  Prior to a couple months ago I couldn’t go to sleep without my wedding ring on. Then my husband complained that he doesn’t like the indentation on his finger from wearing his. I offered to have it resized but he declined. I haven’t seen it since. Which pisses me off tremendously since with his giant meat hook hands and comfort band he wanted the darned thing cost around $750 about eighteen years ago. He says he carries it with him, yet it’s not in his wallet, trust me I looked. F#!k3#! So I quit wearing mine and apparently he doesn’t care. Struggling with the symbolism here. Sad. But maybe nobody else cares so why should I?

    • Oh man, I’m sorry!! At least you still know where yours are, right?

      “giant meat hook hands” reminds me of my BIL. We call him “banana mitts”. We laugh when he holds an actual soda can because it looks like a dixie cup.

  4. #1- When I was, I don’t know, 10-16, I played softball. My mom would get so embarrassed by me because I would be in the outfield and burp so loud everyone could hear it. I was always most proud of those burps. It just occurred to me that I don’t burp like that now that I avoid certain foods. Huh.
    #2- No clue what that is.
    #3- I feel like 75% of my day is spent being annoyed that I have to pick up after the two other people who live in my house.
    #4- That irritates the hell out of me. I’ve been known to rant about eggs not being dairy.
    #5- Jared has never worn his wedding band. He was in maintenance when we first got married, so he wasn’t allowed to wear it to work. He hasn’t been in maintenance since 2008. I’ve asked him a few times if his ring still fits. It does.
    #6- Sweat. Emma and Jared have sweaty hands. I can use my phone all day and not leave any marks or smudges, but they touch my phone once and I have to clean the screen.
    #7- HAHA! My high school boyfriend’s mom would get irrationally angry if you used toilet paper to blow your nose. She actually wrote on wall in the bathroom “For your ass.” Yeah, but TP is less expensive than tissues!
    #8- Nice!
    #9- Yes. It’s not an apology if your making it their problem. Emma’s great at apologizing in the most sarcastic tone of voice known to man. I always tell her, “Don’t apologize to me in that tone because you don’t mean it.” I really think tweens and teens have no idea what the words and tone coming out of their voice sounds like. I’m tempted to wear a GoPro all day just so she can see how many times she flutters her eyes at me (she stopped rolling them at me when I started calling her on it, so now she does this weird half-roll flutter thing) and how much attitude oozes from her mouth. And I still consider her a super easy kid. I have no idea how people with “normal” kids mange to keep them alive into adulthood.
    #10- HAHA! Probably true! Even if we had a tiny house I still think we’d manage to find ways to avoid each other all the freaking time. I’m right in the middle on the extrovert/introvert scale, but the other two are hardcore introverts. Trying to interact with them is like… I don’t know, but it’s annoying!
    #11- Doh!

    My confession- I am loving my business more than I expected to! But I need to work on a better schedule and not becoming obsessed with it and forgetting that there are people I need to attend to.

    • Has Emma inherited your burping skills?

      It’s so fun and overwhelming at the same time to have a business, huh? I found myself at first getting so into it and there was no balance. I’ve learned to dial it back a bit and realize I’m in it for the long haul.

  5. I was discussing poor customer service with the manager of a medical supply store and at one point she said, “I’m sorry you’re upset” and I have to say, I ripped into her. I mean, politely, but still. Be sorry about your poor customer service and don’t put it off on me, yikes.
    Check off another ticky box under ‘I don’t understand the hype over Rae Dunn’ because, really, what is up with that?
    My confession this month is it drives me BANANAS that my across-the-street neighbors are constantly on their front porch smoking cigarettes. Because a) it makes the whole neighborhood reek of cig smoke and b) I don’t think they realize how freaking LOUD they are talking. Also, sometimes when I’m in my front yard, I feel like I’m their performing monkey. (because of the slope, they are a full two stories higher than me, so it’s extra weird) And yes, I’m aware this is a dumb thing to be annoyed by

    • Oh yeah, that would set me off too!

      It’s so hard when the weather gets warmer to live next to constant smokers. We are also on a slope and our “upper yard” neighbor smokes and likes to drink while I’m out gardening and doing laundry. I feel your pain.

  6. I hear you here!! It seems I can’t go a day without someone starting a conversation within earshot with “no offence but…” if you have to preface what you’re about to say with “no offence but…”, then you damn well know your’re being offence. I alway think when I hear it, why dont you just keep you’re comment to yourself and you know, not actually offend someone? I know its only a matter of time until this will actually come out of my mouth to a total stranger. Oh well.

  7. I’m extremely intolerant to all animal milks (aka dairy) and when I go out to restaurants, I say “no dairy” and then they come back with a frown and say, oooh, that has egg in it. EGG IS NOT DAIRY! It bothers me way too much that people think this.

    also, I backed up my new-to-me car into another car not even 4 full weeks after I bought it. Streaky paint transfer is now marring my bumper. sad.

  8. I thoroughly enjoy picking large booger’s out of my toddlers nose.  I always ask him, like he’s really going to answer, “there isn’t that better?”  It’s like I think I’m clearing his airway for better air passage through his nose.  

  9. I also take off my wedding ring immediately when I get home. The main reason though is because it was pretty expensive and it also belonged to my mother (which is a major sentimental value) so I have an extreme fear that I may lose a diamond.

    I am also confused about the Rae Dunn excitement. The artist is from Berkeley California and yet the products say made in china.?.? I also have a weird thing about timers on ovens and microwaves. If someone uses the timer and finishes before the actual time is up please CLEAR out the time. That’s all for now.

    • I think that is a very real fear!

      OMG, I am the same way with the timer, but only on the microwave. It always times out on the oven thankfully. I use the microwave as a clock and Troy never clears it out and it drives me bananas. He just doesn’t get it.