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Confessions – April

If you’re new around here, confessions is a time for us to all unburden ourselves of the silliness we’re feeling at the moment. I share dumb things, then you share dumb things, and we all have a better day because of it. Let’s get started!

  1. I’m not sure how the idea that burping is a manly art came about, but somehow Jack seems to think it is. Here’s the thing. Jack only wishes he could burp like me. He might be in therapy in a few years with some mommy issues complaining about how great of a burper his mom is.
  2. I don’t understand why Daft Punk is popular. Yawn. 
  3. As a mom and wife, I feel like 75% of my day is spent waiting for people to move out of my way or to get off my freaking feet. Seriously – GET OFF MY FEET.
  4. I have to say this because it has bothered me for YEARS. You know when people use grocery apps or pre-printed grocery lists and eggs are always listed under dairy? Yes, eggs are often stored near dairy but EGGS ARE NOT DAIRY. Explain to me how you milk a chicken. Like the mechanics of it. I need to know. I have chickens, so if I am missing out on some prime free-range backyard chicken milk, I need this info. Freaking ridiculous.Wait, is that how they make the Peeps-flavored coffee creamer in spring..?

5.  I take off my wedding ring as soon as I get in the house because I wash my hands and put on lotion so much when I am cooking. The ring just gets in the way. I often forget it when I’m leaving the house so I tend to walk around without it quite a bit. And yet, NO ONE HITS ON ME. I’m not looking for flirting, but what the hell. I think it is because my dead eyes and bags under there scream “I’m a mom, don’t bother”.
6. My kids hands are so sticky and I don’t know why. I make them wash them often (something else for Jack to talk about in therapy?) but if they touch my phone or computer it is like they’re wiping straight yogurt on there. What in the actual hell is on their hands?
7. I don’t get Rae Dunn. You know those dishes that says something like “queen” or “coffee” or “dream”. I just don’t understand it ($30 for this?). That’s not to say I care if other people love it and collect it – great, we all need a thing! I just don’t see the appeal of it. Maybe I should create a ceramic toilet paper holder and write “butt wipe” on it. Or a kleenex box surround that says “snot rags”. I’ll be rich.
8. We make Jack fold and put away his laundry. So when I’m hanging it during the day on our clothesline (this is the awesome one I have), I still wait until the afternoon to bring it in so he has to help with the pile.
9. The phrase “I’m sorry if that offended you” or “I’m sorry if you found that offensive” is the biggest dick move of all time. It should be “I’m sorry I offended you”. Full stop. 
10. Troy loves tiny house shows on Netflix. Here is what would happen if we had a tiny house. Within four days, the front page of the Seattle Times would be “exasperated mother murders her family in a tiny house because they wouldn’t get off her feet”.
11. Every single time I pee at Jack’s preschool I feel badly about myself. Because every single time I forget they have a built-in potty seat in the actual toilet seat. I sit down and assume my ass has somehow ballooned in the last week.

Alright friends, your turn! 

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54 comments on “Confessions – April”

  1. Wedding band not lost by uncaring husband after all! (Follow up comment.) Huge smile today. My nieces college graduation and husband busted out his wedding ring. Sniffle sniffle. So proud and feeling loved and blessed today! 

  2. Okay, so we had the weirdest Easter ever. We are currently “between churches” and since we don’t have young kids at home, we are taking our time to discover the community we want to be part of next. ALL of our close family visited the week before Easter and our only local “child” is a retail manager for a store that is open on Easter, and since she just moved to her new position there, she drew the holiday duty. So we drove more than an hour to see her at her new store, and took her to lunch at the food court because almost no restaurants there were open, and we just did the best we could. It was nice to see the daughter, though.

    On another subject, I TOTALLY GET how much you hate that people stand on your feet. When the kids were young, I’d constantly say, “Ow! Please get off my feet!” and “You walk on your feet and I’ll walk on mine.” I’m sure all they heard was “wahwahwahwah.” My sister’s husband used to tease me about that, thinking that it was no big deal. Then HIS kids were born and they started standing on his feet. He certainly changed his tune! And what is it with people who can’t walk behind me without walking on my heels and giving me “flats”? I mean, really! And on the subject of kids and responsibility, all I can say is keep at it. I remember one of my daughters saying on the way to school that she had forgotten her homework. I turned the car around. When she wondered why I was going back, I asked, “When was the last time you forgot your homework?” “I never forget my homework.” “Exactly. THAT’S why we are going back.” And another time, after one of them was whining because I had said “no” and they were hoping to change my mind, I asked, “When was the last time I said “no” and then changed my mind?” “Never.” “Okay, then, stop asking me to change my mind, because if I am going to think about it, that’s what I say.” And when they are told what a consequence will be, I *tried* to always do it. Let me tell you how great it felt to take a screwdriver and a hammer to the hinges of that bedroom door after they slammed it one too many times, so it was a win win situation. And lastly (!!!), thank you so much for posting that beautiful photo of the crocus plant blooming (it was a few weeks ago, I think). It brought back memories of when I lived in a colder climate and loved to see winter melting into spring.

    • I’m sorry she had to work on Easter but I’m glad you got to see her even for a short period of time! Does she like her new job?

      OMG, the flats. YES! Jack does that too and has an uncanny habit of kicking gravel that lands between my foot and my flip flop when I’m walking. Every time!

      Ha, yes to the door!! I got these little foam dohickey things that we can put on Bennett’s door and it prevents him from even closing the door.

      You’re so welcome. I do love spring plants so much. I missed spring when we lived in California. It just felt like any other day to me.

  3.  Prior to a couple months ago I couldn’t go to sleep without my wedding ring on. Then my husband complained that he doesn’t like the indentation on his finger from wearing his. I offered to have it resized but he declined. I haven’t seen it since. Which pisses me off tremendously since with his giant meat hook hands and comfort band he wanted the darned thing cost around $750 about eighteen years ago. He says he carries it with him, yet it’s not in his wallet, trust me I looked. F#!k3#! So I quit wearing mine and apparently he doesn’t care. Struggling with the symbolism here. Sad. But maybe nobody else cares so why should I?

    • Oh man, I’m sorry!! At least you still know where yours are, right?

      “giant meat hook hands” reminds me of my BIL. We call him “banana mitts”. We laugh when he holds an actual soda can because it looks like a dixie cup.

  4. #1- When I was, I don’t know, 10-16, I played softball. My mom would get so embarrassed by me because I would be in the outfield and burp so loud everyone could hear it. I was always most proud of those burps. It just occurred to me that I don’t burp like that now that I avoid certain foods. Huh.
    #2- No clue what that is.
    #3- I feel like 75% of my day is spent being annoyed that I have to pick up after the two other people who live in my house.
    #4- That irritates the hell out of me. I’ve been known to rant about eggs not being dairy.
    #5- Jared has never worn his wedding band. He was in maintenance when we first got married, so he wasn’t allowed to wear it to work. He hasn’t been in maintenance since 2008. I’ve asked him a few times if his ring still fits. It does.
    #6- Sweat. Emma and Jared have sweaty hands. I can use my phone all day and not leave any marks or smudges, but they touch my phone once and I have to clean the screen.
    #7- HAHA! My high school boyfriend’s mom would get irrationally angry if you used toilet paper to blow your nose. She actually wrote on wall in the bathroom “For your ass.” Yeah, but TP is less expensive than tissues!
    #8- Nice!
    #9- Yes. It’s not an apology if your making it their problem. Emma’s great at apologizing in the most sarcastic tone of voice known to man. I always tell her, “Don’t apologize to me in that tone because you don’t mean it.” I really think tweens and teens have no idea what the words and tone coming out of their voice sounds like. I’m tempted to wear a GoPro all day just so she can see how many times she flutters her eyes at me (she stopped rolling them at me when I started calling her on it, so now she does this weird half-roll flutter thing) and how much attitude oozes from her mouth. And I still consider her a super easy kid. I have no idea how people with “normal” kids mange to keep them alive into adulthood.
    #10- HAHA! Probably true! Even if we had a tiny house I still think we’d manage to find ways to avoid each other all the freaking time. I’m right in the middle on the extrovert/introvert scale, but the other two are hardcore introverts. Trying to interact with them is like… I don’t know, but it’s annoying!
    #11- Doh!

    My confession- I am loving my business more than I expected to! But I need to work on a better schedule and not becoming obsessed with it and forgetting that there are people I need to attend to.

    • Has Emma inherited your burping skills?

      It’s so fun and overwhelming at the same time to have a business, huh? I found myself at first getting so into it and there was no balance. I’ve learned to dial it back a bit and realize I’m in it for the long haul.

  5. I was discussing poor customer service with the manager of a medical supply store and at one point she said, “I’m sorry you’re upset” and I have to say, I ripped into her. I mean, politely, but still. Be sorry about your poor customer service and don’t put it off on me, yikes.
    Check off another ticky box under ‘I don’t understand the hype over Rae Dunn’ because, really, what is up with that?
    My confession this month is it drives me BANANAS that my across-the-street neighbors are constantly on their front porch smoking cigarettes. Because a) it makes the whole neighborhood reek of cig smoke and b) I don’t think they realize how freaking LOUD they are talking. Also, sometimes when I’m in my front yard, I feel like I’m their performing monkey. (because of the slope, they are a full two stories higher than me, so it’s extra weird) And yes, I’m aware this is a dumb thing to be annoyed by

    • Oh yeah, that would set me off too!

      It’s so hard when the weather gets warmer to live next to constant smokers. We are also on a slope and our “upper yard” neighbor smokes and likes to drink while I’m out gardening and doing laundry. I feel your pain.

  6. I hear you here!! It seems I can’t go a day without someone starting a conversation within earshot with “no offence but…” if you have to preface what you’re about to say with “no offence but…”, then you damn well know your’re being offence. I alway think when I hear it, why dont you just keep you’re comment to yourself and you know, not actually offend someone? I know its only a matter of time until this will actually come out of my mouth to a total stranger. Oh well.

  7. I’m extremely intolerant to all animal milks (aka dairy) and when I go out to restaurants, I say “no dairy” and then they come back with a frown and say, oooh, that has egg in it. EGG IS NOT DAIRY! It bothers me way too much that people think this.

    also, I backed up my new-to-me car into another car not even 4 full weeks after I bought it. Streaky paint transfer is now marring my bumper. sad.

  8. I thoroughly enjoy picking large booger’s out of my toddlers nose.  I always ask him, like he’s really going to answer, “there isn’t that better?”  It’s like I think I’m clearing his airway for better air passage through his nose.  

  9. I also take off my wedding ring immediately when I get home. The main reason though is because it was pretty expensive and it also belonged to my mother (which is a major sentimental value) so I have an extreme fear that I may lose a diamond.

    I am also confused about the Rae Dunn excitement. The artist is from Berkeley California and yet the products say made in china.?.? I also have a weird thing about timers on ovens and microwaves. If someone uses the timer and finishes before the actual time is up please CLEAR out the time. That’s all for now.

    • I think that is a very real fear!

      OMG, I am the same way with the timer, but only on the microwave. It always times out on the oven thankfully. I use the microwave as a clock and Troy never clears it out and it drives me bananas. He just doesn’t get it.

  10. I asked my daughter to get some Gala apples. I have always pronounced it gay-la. Well there was a lady shopping nears us and blurts out gal-la, it is gal-la apples. And then continues to say gal-la anytime we are within hearing distant. Good Lord.. I don’t care how you pronounce it. My kid knows it a gay-la apples and she was the one I was talking to and she was the one I needed to get the apples. Please keep your unasked for pronunciation to yourself!!! ugh. Makes Walmart an even bigger joy.

  11. I have two dogs (large big paws) that insist on stepping and sitting on mine, and they NEVER get up to get out of the way. Who rules this roost anyway?!? And the cat’s no better. He insists on pouncing me whenever I have a full plate of something. Weirdo.
    I don’t understand rude neighbors. Like, would it kill you to smile back and say good morning-evening whatever once in a blue moon? And what the h e double toothpicks is up when the neighbors park on my lawn? Is this a peninsula thing or what? Not my problem that you have five cars and I have one that fits in my drive. Maybe they’re upset about the note I left on the windshield asking them to Please not park in our yard? Really, I have to point this out? Clue: If you look up and are looking directly into the window at the front of my house, you are in my yard.
    I get you about the dairy, but it cracks me up to thing of “chicken milk”, Ha!

  12. Oh my word, burping! Men just burp louder and more often than women, I’m convinced of it. I have all boys, so I’m surrounded AND I went to all women’s schools, so yeah, men burp more and are louder about it even if they aren’t trying to be. Drives me bonkers. Then again, I don’t know why but certain sounds bother me more than I think is normal–specifically sneezing ( I can’t hear anybody’s sneezes, not even my own, it’s like the worst sound ever) and yawning. Do all men make weird loud sounds when they yawn? It is possible to yawn without making those weird sounds (she thought silently to herself).

    I’m a horrible person because along with yawning, sneezing and burping I also hate whistling and humming. Ugh. Maybe I was meant to be a hermit.

    • Karen, you would NOT love our house from March-August. Sneeze fest central!

      BTW, I dropped that carob to you in the mail yesterday. Sooooooo sorry about the delay!

      • We’re sneezing a lot here too. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t dusted in ages or if my family is just sneezier in the spring. It’s not that I don’t love my family, or hate humanity in general. I hate my OWN sneezes. I hate the sound I make.

        I will be on the lookout for the carob! Thanks so much!

      • Thanks, Sarah! I’ll be on the lookout for it. We’re sneezing a lot here, too. I love spring, but I think all the fresh air in the house is moving the dust around or something. I don’t dust much.

  13. oh my god, your #7 reminded me of this IG account: @buffalovely716 Her stuff is so incredibly, amazingly, snarky.

  14. I work in a small town independent pharmacy. Insurance reimbursement (or lack of) is going to put us out of business soon.  I was complaining to a complete stranger (over the Internet – long story) about how people needed to realize how soon there would be no mom and pop places left. He emailed back and agreed with my comment. 
    I was firing off a reply about people ONLY shopping online or big boxes when I realized my notebook was open to my budget page. Written on it beside my mom and pop pharmacy I’ve been employed at for 25 years…….. only Amazon and big box stores. 
    It appears I am part of the problem also!! An enlightened moment!

    Totally agree on the Rae Dunn thing. I seriously thought it was like a thrifted recycled thing at first that people were doing. 
    Why can’t we think of simple stuff and charge an arm and leg for them?!?

  15. I had to look up Daft Punk.  I have heard the name and that is all.  From what I just heard (I clicked  on four different videos and hopped through them all, listening here and there) I have no earthly idea why they are popular.  Can’t help you there. I find them dull, dull, dull.

    I don’t recall my own kids standing on my feet much, but the ten year old twin girls I babysit….  I have no idea how many times I have ordered them to get OFF my feet.  Drives me insane. It isn’t like they accidentally step on mine and immediately step away.  They STAY there!  And don’t even seem to notice!  How do you not notice that you are standing on someone’s foot???   (Funny semi-related side story.  The first time I met a woman who had a prosthetic leg, I did not know that fact.  She stepped on my foot and legitimately could not feel/did not know it.  I stood there uncomfortably for about fifteen seconds before asking her to get off my foot.  THAT was how I found out she had a prosthetic leg!  She apologized, explained, and laughed.)

    I’ve always wondered about the egg thing too.  My only guess is that they are all (eggs, milk, cheese) refrigerated, so they get lumped in the same category.

    I couldn’t take my wedding ring off if I tried.  I need to re-size my hand first.  My engagement ring is pretty delicate, so it doesn’t really get in the way or anything.  My husband is an electrician and a woodworker, so his ring seems to be off more than it is on. He often forgets to put it back on.  Which bothers me more than it should. (Maybe it is jealousy because I can’t remove my own?)

    My oldest and I were is a store just last week and wondering why long, skinny lettering was a thing.  (looking at Rae Dunn dishes).

    • My Canadian cousins stood and took photographs in our supermarket. Of the eggs being sold at ambient temperature. They couldn’t believe it is a thing here.

    • Oh no, tag teaming twins on your tootsies sounds horrible! I seriously have no idea why kids do it but it drives me bonkers. And makes me scared to wear sandals.

      Have you tried Windex (not sure if that brand is transferrable to Canada) on your finger to try to get your ring off? I know that’s what they use at jewelry stores when people can’t get the rings off.

      • Yes, we have Windex.  And no, I have not tried it.  I will just resize my hands (read: I need to lose weight)  the only reason I would like to take them off is to give them a good cleaning.  Then they would go right back on my hand.

        One of the girls was on my foot yesterday and I was thinking of you! LOL!

        Pauline, are you telling me that where you live (America?) eggs are not kept refrigerated???  They are always in the refrigerated section, near the butter/milk/cheese/yogurt and other (actual) dairy products here!

        (I have the “notify me of replies” box ticked, but NEVER see that I have replies.  🙁 )

      • I believe Pauline is in the UK. Eggs are refrigerated in the US.

        Could the notifications be going to your spam/junk folder?

    • No, the notifications are definitely not in my junk folder.  I check it every time I check my mail because all sorts of good stuff gets filtered into there for some reason!
      It isn’t a huge deal, now that I have realized it, I just check back more often!

      On a different note, nobody stepped on my feet today! (mind you, their  father was home when we got back from school, so I got to go home almost two hours early….  but I’ll take it!)

      • The only thing I could suggest is to check the email address you used to sign up for comments. I can see what you used on my end, so feel free to email me or message me on FB and I can share that info.

        I know most people are getting the responses emailed to that because they often reply to those email and start a conversation with me via email.

      • My computer auto-completes the email for me (correctly), so that is right.  And I USED to get the notifications.  It’s not a big concern, I just try to remember to look when I post something. (having said that, I am going to un-check, and then RE-check the “notify me” box and see if that does anything)

  16. Does anyone else find “full stop” to be completely grating? It drives me crazy and some bloggers use it constantly. It just strikes me as condescending. Not for nothing, I’m sorry if you found this offensive. Kidding. I’ll switch to decaf now.

    • Hi Sarah, I’m such a lard @r$£ these days my ring doesn’t fit comfortably. So I don’t wear it. Noone has flirted/hit on me either! Just wondering. No. You are not alone.

      • We’ll start a club!

      • When I was pregnant with my fourth I had to have my ring cut off my finger, and I was so sad about it–our wedding rings matched and everything! After delivery, the nurse was doing my discharge stuff and asked if I had entrusted them with any valuables, like a wedding ring, and I started bawling (to be fair, i was very emotional because our baby had to stay in the NICU while I went home) about how I couldn’t wear my wedding ring for the last three months and anyway it was CUT and then my wonderful husband took his wedding ring off and put it on my finger and asked, “Will you marry me?” More tears! Anyway, we later got new rings and everything’s fine now. I never get flirted with, probably because I always have a kid or two with me when I’m out and about.

    • What’s wrong with Full Stop. It’s a perfectly legitimate form of punctuation in English. Better than Period. That is something else.

      • I surely don’t know! I have used that phrase twice in my entire life – during last Sunday’s post when I was directly quoting someone and in this post. I have heard it a ton on a British podcast I listen to and I’m embarrassed to admit how long it took me to realize what they meant by it. 😂

  17. My mother-in-law disapproves of me for not wearing a ring. My hubby lost his after 7 months and I was paranoid I’ll lose mine because I’d take it off to cook, shower, do dishes, and sleep. We also work in construction. Ever heard of a degloving injury? So now we wear ours for special occasions. It’s fun to walk up to my husband and ask for a divorce so that I can put our rings back in my jewelry box.

    • Degloving is so scary, right? Troy wears a silicone ring that we got for $5 on Amazon. No idea why we spent over $300 on his actual ring (cue the crying).

      Too funny about the divorce jokes!

  18. I put chocolate syrup and ice cream in my coffee this morning and called it breakfast. This is not my usual choice. 😳😊

  19. OMG – I’m glad I found someone else who is bothered by this eggs as dairy thing! I keep seeing it and mutter under my breath – eggs aren’t dairy. My husband is thoroughly confused about why I care.