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Confessions – May

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If you’re new around here, confessions is a time for us to all unburden ourselves of the silliness we’re feeling at the moment. I share dumb things, then you share dumb things, and we all have a better day because of it.

Let’s get started!

  1. I resent the low flow toilet flushers that are in public restrooms. Yeah, I said it! You know those toilets with green handles where you push down for liquids or push up for um, non-liquids? This set up is ASS backward my friends. FACT: more people pee in public than poop. FACT: everyone uses their foot to flush those toilets. FACT: nobody wants to lift up that flusher with their foot while wearing flip flops. 
  2. I’ve never seen Lady and Tramp all the way through. I know there is a pasta scene and that’s about it. And I’m not the least bit sorry about it.
  3. A few weeks ago, I was in the car and passed a new construction site. I yelled “EXCAVATOR” to get Bennett’s attention. Only to realize I had already dropped all the kids off at school. Rad.
  4. One of my biggest fears is that people think I’m lazy. I find it terrifying!
  5. When I was little I was a hot mess when it came to coloring with markers. I would get them all over my hands and arms. I looked like a walking canvas. My mom used to rub Comet into my skin with a kitchen rag to remove the marker. Comet. Powdered bleach. That being said, I don’t think I’ve been sick in three years, and I probably only missed two days of school total kindergarten through high school. Maybe she was onto something? But just so we’re clear: don’t put bleach on your kids!
  6. When Troy and I lived in Los Angeles he worked behind in the lighting department on television and film sets. He worked on a season of America’s Next Top Model and he came home super excited one day saying “they have a model who looks like you! She’s built like you and looks like a normal person”. So excited. Well…when that season came out, they marketed her as being the first plus-sized model on the show. I think she was a size 10? 
  7. After my mom passed away, I’m a bit hazy in everything that occurred in the week after. But, I don’t think hospice ever came and took the narcotics away. I think we still had some super heavy meds in our hospice kit. That seems suuuuuuper dangerous to me considering the prescription drug crisis in this country. 
  8. A few weeks ago, Bennett was being a total asshat. Three-year-olds truly are the devil. Jack (10-year-old) knows how to push all the buttons of both Bennett and yours truly. Anyway, Troy was at work (he works 24-hour shifts) and I was 100% over being a parent. Totally done. Bennett was taking a shower at the end of the night and flipped his shit over something mundane (Didn’t like the washcloth I gave him? The soap didn’t bubble exactly right? Who knows. #3yearolds) and was out of control. After trying for a few minutes to get him to calm TF down, I finally snapped. I grabbed the shower head and sprayed him in the face like he was a cat scratching the couch. Sure, it wasn’t the mature thing to do. No, I don’t regret it.

Alright friends, your turn! 

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42 comments on “Confessions – May”

  1. One time i reported my friend, we’ll call her Parah, for spraying her kid in the shower. Fun times. 

    Another time, my kid wasn’t paying attention to where she was walking and walked into the wall.  I totally laughed at her before making sure she was ok. 

  2. I went to a school play based on the Little Mermaid, and realized that I have NEVER seen the movie. It’s a Disney classic, right? I’ve heard so much about it that I thought I’d seen it. But watching the school play, I realized I had no idea how it ended. (Did I go home and watch the movie? No. Still haven’t seen it.)

    • I wore out my Little Mermaid VHS when I was a kid! I’m sure it was a movie that hasn’t aged well, so you’re likely not missing much.

  3. Call your local police department about the meds. Around here they do a drug take back once a year and some departments take them year round for disposal.

    • I think my dad took them to a pharmacy at some point. But dang, hospice, get it together! With all the opioid addictions in this country, leaving people with morphine and fentanyl seems like a horrible idea.

    • Yes, Brittany, I did that with our local sheriff’s department. They have a drop box for it; it’s one of those that once you drop something in, it’s almost impossible to get it out. There are requirements for putting things in there. For instance, you mark out your name (Sharpies take care of that), but leave the medication name showing, etc. A few months later, I get a call from the sheriff’s department. They want to know about my medications and how they got out into the general public since they were prescribed for me. Holy Crap! So I tell them I put them in the drop box/which one, etc. and that’s that. (I am left wondering if CSI did something to be able to view my name, or did they go to my pharmacy, or what?–or if I am going to be asked to the station for a “visit.”) A few months later, I learn from a newspaper article that one of the sheriffs was making a bit of extra money selling the “good” drugs from the box! I know this is NOT common, but it’ my weird experience. And YES, I’d still use that method of disposal as best choice.

  4. Oh my gosh! The last thing you confessed…. You’re not alone! When my daughter was probably two, (she’s 34 now) she had gotten hysterical and nothing would calm her down and I was at my wits end. So I put her in the tub with her clothes and shoes still on (!) and turned on the shower. It snapped her out immediately. And of course it ended with a good cuddle session and I’m sure some kind of treat. I have felt awful about this for years. Thanks for that confession!

  5. 1. 11 decided to be more than over the line snarky while I was holding the garden hose. Yup, you guessed it, he got soaked. The bad part is that he decided to repeat the same process and again got soaked with the hose.
    Not sorry at all!
    2. 4 colored herself blue and looked like a smurf, tg we only have washable markers.
    3. 11 and 8 learned the hard way how to scrub out a bathroom, need I say more?
    4. Neighbor keeps wanting me to watch her ASD + a host of other issues 9 year old girl even though mine are at summer camp. Ummmmm, no thank you very much.
    5. Broken a million records due to heat wave here. Too much boob sweat!

  6. I once dropped godchild who was losing it in a bath, fully clothed. I was running the bath for him anyway and it stopped the tantrum. Then there were cuddles and reason. He thinks it’s hilarious now. I got dumped in a bath full of cold water when I was about 4, for medical reasons, I’d pulled an iron on myself. It worked I don’t have a scar and we can’t even remember what leg it was on!
    I didn’t watch Star Wars until I was in my 20’s and I’ve never managed to get to the end of Ferris Bueller without falling asleep!

  7. I never saw The Princess Bride until my American daughter brought home her British boyfriend and my younger daughter kept trying to get him to say, “As you wish” when he responded to her sister. I wouldn’t sit through it again. P.S. They are married and we all love him.

    • Awww, I still love the Princess Bride and keep trying to get Jack to watch it. I think it is one of those shows that is so beloved because you see it in your childhood and then pick up on different jokes and themes each time you watch it.

  8. I hate auto flush toilets. The ones where I work flush at random moments. There is just nothing like having your butt sprayed with toilet splashback from that! Eww. Just Eww!

    Then there was the day that my third grader decided she wasn’t going to acolyte at church that morning, not ten minutes before we were to leave –too late to call anyone to fill in (before cell phones). No, she wasn’t going to change her clothes. No, she wasn’t going to brush her hair. No, she wasn’t going to get in the car. She was a big child, never went through a “bean pole” stage, and was more than 100 pounds at that point (she’s 6′ 1″ now, and grew all along, so I am sure you can relate) and so we couldn’ easily lift her. I grabbed clothes since she was still pajama clad, and we started to strong arm her to the car, one of us on either side. Once outside, she decided to do the “limp toddler act” and we continued to drag her up the cement stairs to our car. She was screaming. The neighbors were slack jawed with shock. I told them we were going to church, and smiled. I went back for Bandaids and antibiotic ointment since her shins were bleeding. By the time we got to church, she knew she wasn’t winning that round. In the end, we rolled up her PJ’s so they wouldn’t show under the robe, threw some Bandaids on the scrapes, threw the robe over her, ran a brush through her hair and off she went. I thought for sure that child protective services would be knocking on the door. No one called, I guess. I guess I should have just turned the hose on her….

    • Auto flush toilets are terrifying! As someone who was super sick when pregnant, I can tell you that those toilets are aggressive with this flushing splashback.

      OMG, I LOVE the acoltye story! The look on the neighbor’s face must be burned into your mind.

  9. I have many days whereby I think that my teenager is a jerk-face (nicest way I can put it) and I would throat punch him if it was legally acceptable.

    My 11 yr old is dangerously close to jerk-face teenager territory, but will still hug me and that’s cool.

    I love my kids, I hate the drama that comes with three boy children. It’s like being on the team with the Hulk, you never know what they will do next or who they will punch.

    • I think the throat punch comment is so spot on! Troy and I will look at each other at least three times a day and say “he’s so punchable right now”.

      The hugs from the 11-year-old are what likely keep him alive.

      Not only do you not know when Hulk will attack, but your bathroom ALWAYS smells like pee! I have to wipe it down at least once a day and honestly I just wish they would pee outside.

  10. During a long car drive, my youngest decided to keep playing with the straw in his cup to make a loud screechy noise. I told him to stop playing with the straw or I would stop the car and dump out his soda.

    Being one of those annoying people who think rules don’t apply to him, he kept playing with the straw. I pulled the car into a parking lot, grabbed the cup out of his hand, dumped the soda on the ground, and then stomped on the cup for good measure. It felt good.

    Thankfully, my kids know I’m not bullshitting now. lol

    • Ha, knowing your youngest I can totally witness this whole thing happening in my mind! And Jack would have done the exact same thing.

  11. Thank you for sharing your toddler hell story. I’m knee deep in the trenches with my three year old boy and sometimes it’s the craziest shit I have ever been through with another human who at the same time would die for! I relish his sweet moments.

    • Three-year-olds are the absolute worst. My friend with two kiddos warned me about it when I had Jack. NO ONE talks about how evil the “3’s” are so we’re all blind-sided.

      One of the people I’m connected with on Instagram said she had “20 good days” in the year her kid was three.

      It DOES get better, but every day during the year your kid is three feels like 15,000 years.

  12. I can’t believe anyone would think your lazy! Look up drug take back locations. Get rid of those meds. 😁
    My confession? I only wash my hair once a week. Lol. My stylist recommended it to keep it from drying out. I’m lucky it never gets oily and is healthy AF!

    • I think it is 100% a mindset mentality for me. I’ve been working at a job since I was 14, and now I have one that people don’t understand. So I constantly feel like I’m explaining what I do and justifying it to others that it is a real job.

      I’m pretty sure my dad took the meds to his doctor’s to be disposed of. But I feel like we shouldn’t have had to handle that. Given the addiction climate that is happening right now, they should have picked that stuff up within a few days!

      Sooooo jealous of your hair washing routine! Most of my friends have hair like that and it boggles my mind that anyone could have hair that isn’t greasy by 5 pm. Do you use dry shampoo?

  13. I always love your confession posts. One of mine? I brought my favorite stuffed animal to a hotel while I was in grad school and accidentally left it behind. My grown-ass self had to call the hotel and have poor Curious George mailed back to me.

    In response to your confession about the hospice meds: It is required practice that the meds are destroyed, and they should have been destroyed by the nurse when your mom passed, so if you still have them I would encourage you to call the hospice provider and ask how to waste them if you haven’t already destroyed them. The nurse isn’t supposed to actually remove them from the home, just destroy them, because how shady would it look if the nurse got pulled over with a whole bunch of someone else’s heavy duty meds in the car? The meds are destroyed for drug diversion and also so that people don’t just pour the meds in the sink or toilet and effect our water supply. (I’m a hospice social worker.)

    • Oh, poor George!! I hope he made it home safe.

      I think my dad took them to his doctor’s office and they disposed of them.

      Bless you for your amazing work with hospice! Our social worker was so wonderful during everything with my mom. She gave me amazing advice on how to talk to Jack and my nephew, and was a great resource for my dad in the months after her passing. You’re so valued!

  14. Confession – I washed some towels last week, moved them to the dryer and forgot to turn it on. The towels sat there for 4 days until I realised.

  15. My three year old (she was two at the time) wouldn’t stop drinking the bath water. So when she’d put her face down to get a mouthful, dunk! She quit after a few times.
    I’ve never seen one of those flushers. There are lots of movies I’ve never seen all the way through. Dumbo, Pinocchio, the original IT (I close my eyes at all the same parts), and I’m sure there are a few more. But there are a lot of movies that I’ll turn on even though I’ve seen them a million times like The Devil Wears Prada, Gone With the Wind, and Harry Potter. In high school, my boyfriend told me I look like a woman in classical art where being plump was considered beautiful. I appreciated the complement.

  16. 1. I’m super sick of “creative” kid names down here in the south. Claxton and Brinson and can just go play somewhere else.

    2. I’m so sick of these “everyone be on the lookout, someone at Target is trying to traffic my kid, I reported all the single men at Target to the manager because they smiled at my cute baby” posts. Move along. Not every stranger wants to kidnap your kid.

    • I would love to know the story behind “Claxton”! Is Brinson a male or female name?

      • The Brinson I know is male. Claxton is a girl. There are so many, many, many more. But These two just popped up in my mind at that moment. What do I know though, all my kids have M names and no one can pronounce my daughter Margot’s name because I did the spelling with the T.

    • So funny, there are a bunch of weird names here in Utah as well. There are also tons of traditional names that people feel like they have to change the spelling to make them unique and they just butcher the names. 

      I would know how to pronounce your daughter’s name but maybe I’m in the minority? My youngest is named Orion so maybe that actually falls into the “creative” category but it’s a really old name, just not very common. I feel bad for kids who constantly have to correct how people say their names but I might have done it to my own kid. 

  17. Love the confessions!
    Qhen I got meds for my surgery, they gave me a packet of powder with them. I only used two pain pills, so I dumped the packet into the container, added some water and shook it up. The pills dissolved and turned hard as a rock. It was cool.

    We got the keys to our rental house two days ago. Jared left for a work trip today, and will be gone for a week. We probably won’t get all of our household stuff delivered until the 14th. At this point I wonder if we actually need any of it!

    I hate admitting it, but not having reliable internet the past two weeks has sucked majorly. How did we survive before? How did we research or learn anything before? Sigh. I hate being so dependent.

    • Wow, that sounds like some amazing chemistry! Did you turn it into a lesson for Emma somehow?

      Do you think Jared is now more on board with you guys ditching a ton of stuff? I know you were working on him before the trip.

      Internet is so second nature to us all these days.

  18. I’ve not seen a majority of animated Disney classics and I’m not sorry. My son’s school is putting on a presentation of Aladdin this weekend and while I am excited to see it for all the many faces I expect to recognize (and usually because the school does an outstanding job), I’ve never seen even a snippet of the movie. Last year they did Shrek and I hadn’t seen that one either.

    A friend’s mom once wiped her whole face down with a Clorox wipe! :O Suffice it to say that the container looked similar to one with those antibacterial wipes and English was a second language. She didn’t even realize the error until her son pointed it out.

    • Hard to believe you’ve never see Aladdin; that one was HUGE back in the day. I hope the play goes well for them though.

      Oh my goodness the Clorox wipes! I bet my mom was sad those weren’t around when I was younger.

  19. I have a 17 year old son I’ll swap for your 3 year old. Asshats come in all different ages. My daughter was one between 2 and 5, then she settled into being a reasonable human. The practice kid 2.0, the male child, has gone dormant several times in that department then reemerged as a larger, more difficult to deal with arrogant grump. It does get better. (I repeat this to myself over and over every day, and pray that verse about raising up a child in the way he should go, and that when he is old he won’t depart. It didn’t address those in between years when the kids are not cute, or cuddly, when you feel the urge to drive them to the fire station and leave them.)

    Why doesn’t the dashboard on the car come with words? I have to get out the stupid manual to figure out what those stupid symbols mean. Another option is to spit out a code, so I can go to the mechanic and say code 2319 and they will know what to do.

    Sweaty boob money-I watched a woman in this Louisiana heat dig in her bra to find dollars, then go back for change to hand to a young man at the dollar store. Ummm, just no.

    Bridezilla, um I mean bridal showers that go from bad to worse when the bride combines 2 showers and you are dealing with people who won’t follow up and you end up doing waaay more work than if you just planned the whole thing yourself. Maybe I should go check to see if there are drugs left after my Mom died…..not really.

    I feel better just getting them off my chest.

    • I think “asshats come in all different ages” needs to be put on a shirt Jeannie! We both need one.

      I used to work with a man who used to be a mechanic. He told me those codes are just a starting point and that mechanics still have to investigate everything themselves. I was so disappointed by that. How could we not have little buttons to push and fix things in this day and age?

      I’m kind of barfing in my mouth over the bra money!

      Oy, good luck with the shower. That sounds like a complete and utter trainwreck.